b3ta.com user Sheridan Whiteside
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» Rock and Roll Stories

Rawk 'n' roll (not).
One time I was standing in for a friend who used to get loads of work as local crew when big acts came to Dublin. This particular time it was Bon Jovi. Me and some of the other newbies were helping this seen-it-all, black tshirt and shorts, Cockney tour driver offload flight cases etc from the fuck off lorry he had reversed into a tiny space backstage. He was friendly and I think bemused by those of us who were new to it all. One of the lads was handed what I can only describe as a big silver suitcase to bring with the rest of the gear. 'This must be Jon's peroxide' he says, and we all laugh, the driver included. 'Keep your voice down mate,' he tells the wisecracker, 'unless you want to get fired'. We laughed again, thinking this a good joke about JBJ's ego - except he was serious.
(Wed 5th Jul 2006, 16:12, More)

» Barred

Ask a silly question...
A bit mild compared to most other entries here, but I am now barred from a pub even though I wasn't even present when the barring was done. My ex-girlfriend was out with her brother and his girlfriend, who has just qualified as a barrister. Very soon after being served last orders, the owner of the establishment starts asking them to drink up and go. Said junior counsel informs owner that it is against such-and-such a statute not to allow 30 mins 'drinking-up time' after last orders have been served. He mutters some dismissive comment. That is where it would have ended had she not then, Alan Partridge-like, produced a large (metaphorical) plate from the folds of her invisible legal robes, and handed it to the owner, with the question 'what are you going to do, bar us?' To which he of course replied 'Yes, actually, I am.' He seems confident that in this situation, no explanation is required in law.
A few nights later I reluctantly accompany ex-girlfriend on a return visit to see if the bar also applies to her. I order 2 pints from a barmaid not present on the night in question, only for yet another staff member to inform us that yes, in fact, she is banned and so am I, despite not even being there on the night!
She says the owner's always held a grudge against her...
(Mon 4th Sep 2006, 15:30, More)