» Personal Hygiene

Cigarettes
This might not go down well but everyone who smokes f'ing stinks! dont lie to yourself. you might think its relatively normal but these days, its not.

i used to love cigarette smell when i was a nipper cos it reminded me of my grandad but now it drives me mad/puts me off. menthol cigs especially - reek - i now dont let my brother in the car the smelly fat fuck

also - "mints" really dont help, it just rams your own nasal chute with minty goodness and not mine you smelly bastard. my friends all wonder why they're single. easy. they smell. of fags. all the fucking time. who wants to go in the mouth of something that tastes/smells of sun dried urine??

what really, really gets me is when you nip down the pub for just a couple of drinks and you think, upon your return, this jackets still clean, i'll wear it again, oh, wait a sec, it fucking stinks of fags. hmmmmm, cheers you smelly cunts!

me and my girlfriend have even been put off from one another after a night clubbing when, after 10 minutes of drunken fumbling, we realise the other stinks like week old shit. shower sex the next morning just about made up for it, but only just.

bring on the smoking ban i say - and by the way, febreeze is for people with dogs or smelly unwashed fuckers only. it is not an excuse to not cleanup.

grrrrrrrrrant off
(Thu 22nd Mar 2007, 16:22, More)

» Going Too Far

the train
I was stuck in a massive people jam the other day at the train station. it was taking forever to get in - you know when everyone tries to get in at the same time people are getting out? twunts they is.

anyways - next thing i know there's shoutin goin on in front and behind. i cant quite catch it as i'm too far away, but i'm getting right nervous. Then some australian bastard walks on me fucking head!! it was only one step but he didnt even bloody ask?! and it fractured one of me vertabrae. I've been in physiotherapy for the last decade trying to resolve the hideous spasms!

and he had a stupid fuckin hat.
(Fri 10th Nov 2006, 15:52, More)

» Apparently I'm a sex offender

Dads takin photos?!
At my neices 4th birthday party there was lots of little boys and girls running around and lots of parents standing around tryin to be friends. During this time my amatuer photographer dad was gettin photographs of his granddaughter playing as any good grand father would.

At this point mr.other kids father comes along and states "stop taking photos of my child or i'll see you in court". The repsonse was, initally, "What?!" He continued to say "i dont know who you are or what you're doing with those photos" to which my dad replied - "thats my granddaughter, if you don't want me takin photos of your kid kindly remove said kid from in front of my lense".

I think we all got photos of the day except for "them".
(Fri 18th Aug 2006, 11:42, More)

» We have to talk

Bird Table
was chopping down a tree yesterday with an axe. all manly i was. unfortunately the newly bought and placed (by HER!) bird table was shaken loose and twatted me on the head.

thank fuck for HER and my future of not being in prison that she didn't say "we need to talk" while i was thrashing the shit out of said new bird table and everything within a two metre radius. with an axe.
(Mon 23rd Apr 2007, 15:06, More)

» When were you last really scared?

Nose Bleeds...
.....in the shower are easily one of lifes brown moments.

My mind tends to go through the following:
1. Shit of cocking shit my cocks exploded!!!
2. oh MOTHER of GOD help me i'm having a brain HAEMORRHAGE!!
3. fuckety cock rocks!! i was anally raped in my sleep!
4. hang on, i dont believe in god - how can i have stigmata??!!!
5.oh thank the makers of trapdoor, twas just a leaky nose.

toodles.
(Fri 23rd Feb 2007, 15:48, More)