b3ta.com user Ijon Tichy
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Name hint: Ijon Tichy - there's no L and only the one T (Google'll help you). IE this is not my name. Nor is this.

I was an absolute fool to leave myself logged in on someone else's machine, especially after I took advantage of HP being left logged in on Batsgirl's computer. Shouldn't have admitted it, should I .

I am a bad bad naughty man.

At this juncture, I would like to thank HP and Batsgirl for having more morals and self-restraint than I ever will. [Ha! - Ijon]

Spam should be sent to here: ijon dot tichy @ blueyonder dot co dot uk

While I may not appreciate threadwasters and will tell them so, please remember to keep things fluffy (especially for newbies).

My pitiful excuses for funny images can be found here

And because everyone seems to have a flickr account now.

For now enjoy some of my favourite pix...

Oh and I also love Mystery Bob for making this!

Recent front page messages:

(Tue 20th Jan 2004, 10:18, More)

Some bikes...

Blimmin big

...are just cooler than others.
(Tue 18th Nov 2003, 13:58, More)

Amazon offers an olive branch to thousands of 'customers'

clickerer for much biggerer

EDIT: The design is available here until such time as cafepress decide to pull it down...
(Thu 20th Mar 2003, 10:19, More)

The poor squinaill's
food pouch

meant the French hunted it to extinction for its unique nutty flavour.
Whoopsy, hit post message way too early, first time
(Mon 27th Jan 2003, 9:56, More)

Best answers to questions:

» School Trips

Not a school trip, but a work one
and it amused me when it happened yesterday.

So, it's day trip to France time - cheap booze from a shopping centre packed with ignorant Brits and justifiably disgruntled Frenchies. Being open to all, one person brought her husband, their 16-year-old son and his equally young girlfriend along.

The driver warns everyone that we need to be back on the coach at the times he says as he won't wait or we'll miss the ferry.

The coach duly arrives at its last pickup in the centre of Calais and there are two worried-looking teenagers sat near the back sans parental supervision. Where are they, and where are the kids' passports? Trying to get on a different coach to meet us at the ferry terminal.

What does passport control think of this? You can't come through without your passports. Cue two increasingly worried teenagers sitting on one side of passport control while a group of adults stand on the other laughing at them and saying it'll all get sorted.

To cut a long story longer, the kids were eventually allowed through without either the parents or their passports. They merely had to face a few immigrant releated questions and one of them was able to produce his id card for a local proof of age scheme.

The parents met them on the ferry, but only after all the substitute parents on the coach had offered plenty of advice about how to milk the situation.

The End
Ijon, aged 27 and a half.
(Sun 10th Dec 2006, 10:30, More)

» When were you last really scared?

First night in my brother's house
Now, ever since I was a kid I've occasionally had nightmares about someone sneaking into my room at night and grabbing me in the dark while I'm lying in bed. It's one of the reasons why I first started sleeping with the door closed.

About six years ago I moved in with my brother and was trying to get to sleep on my first night there. Then I hear a creak, which might have been the door moving. I don't hear anything else, so assume it's just that I'm not used to the noises the house makes yet.

All of a sudden something lands on my chest and, if I hadn't been frozen with fear, I'd have screamed like a little girl. It takes a few seconds to remember that my brother has a cat and, apparently, she likes to sleep in what is now my room.

Of course, after a few months I can't sleep unless she's lying at the foot of my bed.
(Thu 22nd Feb 2007, 21:17, More)

» Where is the strangest place you have slept?

Funnily enough most of my odd waking up moments have followed alcohol.*
My personal favourite (that I can remember) would probably be waking up lying in a bus queue at Victoria Coach Station about half one on a Monday morning. The last thing I'd remembered previously was sitting in Hyde Park attempting to drink a box of cheap wine some time around 5/6pm the previous day.

*And, not coincidentally, b3ta bashes.
(Fri 29th Dec 2006, 22:14, More)