b3ta.com user claireyfairy
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» Impulse buys

My boyfriend's mum's cat had a bit of a run-in with a man cat's penis and in three weeks we take two of the resultant fluffballs (aka Bunsen and Beaker) home.

Not so much an impulse purchase as impulse decision by us, but I'm sure I will buy all manner of cat-related crap for them on a whim (like those cool-looking automated feeders).

Click "I like this" and I will post the most eye-bleedingly cute pic of them that I can lay my hands on.
(Fri 22nd May 2009, 17:29, More)

» The most childish thing you've done as an adult

When naked man walked the earth...
Quite often, when my better half (aged 27) is in a state of undress, he will be talking about any old thing and end the sentence with "...WHEN NAKED MAN WALKED THE EARTH!" in a booming voice. He will then stomp around the room singing the Jurassic Park theme tune.

Alternatively, he will sing "I am naked man, ner-ner-ner-ner-ner-ner naked man" to the tune of the riff from "Iron Man".

Maybe he just really likes being naked.
(Fri 18th Sep 2009, 17:31, More)

» Cheap Tat

Christmas Shite
The crappy pencil sharpener magnet got me thinking about Christmas just gone. Some highlights include:

My bf's gift to his brother of a musical toilet complete with bobbing smiley-face plastic turd and "realistic" flushing sounds

My bro's gift to me of a retro Casio digital watch

My gift to my bro of an LED belt complete with bizarre English-ish instructions and fully programmable messages

A plastic squid I got out of a cracker, which wasn't as bad as the genuine Diamonesque necklace my bf got in his "luxury" cracker. He preferred the little plastic plane he got in the much cheaper one. I crashed it into his drink.

Isn't Christmas brilliant?
(Sat 5th Jan 2008, 0:26, More)

» Nightclubs

Work do type thing
Not so much a nightclub as a bar, but we were having a staff do at some random bar somewhere in central London. The only trouble was, it was a free bar and on such an occasion, I decided that the only sensible thing to do in front of everyone I work with was to drink as much wine as possible.

Luckily, I held it together til we left the venue and actually didn't feel too bad. It only started to catch up with me in a big way on the tube to King's Cross. Events proceeded thusly:

I got off the tube at King's Cross, lose the ability to walk and do a funny sideways run to the platform edge, luckily managing not to fall in front of any oncoming train.

I get to the main concourse and start to feel very odd. It's 30p to use the toilets though so my boyfriend has to get change from the nice man at the baguette place.

With levels of concentration not displayed outside of the Krypton Factor, I manage to get downstairs, through the turnstiles and into a cubicle.

I want to be sicky. However, on the long journey down to the toilet bowl, I manage to lose my balance and twat my head on the toilet door. I am now seeing quadruple.

I make it back onto the concourse, sit down and promptly projectile vomit all over the floor.

My boyfriend fetches a bin bag and a bottle of water. I drink the water and throw up down the outside of the bin bag.

My boyfriend somehow manages to get me on the last train home. A man is playing awful tinny music. I bang my head repeatedly on the table, moaning at my boyfriend to make the man turn the music off. Apparently I thought the music was making me sick.

The man promptly gets off at the next stop. I am that drunk and mentally unhinged, I have scared a pikey off a train at 1am.

I throw up on the train.

We manage to get off at the right stop and make it home. My boyfriend is carrying my handbag. I have sick down the back of my coat.

I spend the next two days hungover and pretty much wreck our week off.

I did return the favour a month later when my bf got pissed on Unicum at his work Christmas do and I ended up wiping liquid shit off his leg at 2am.

And that is why you should just say no to free booze at a work do.
(Mon 13th Apr 2009, 1:40, More)

» Procrastination

My brother
My brother decided once that he couldn't be arsed to walk from the living room all the way to the downstairs bathroom and so pissed in the kitchen sink instead.
(Sat 15th Nov 2008, 23:08, More)
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