b3ta.com user littlemsbroccoli
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» Useless advice

grans give the best advice
When a mate of mine was choosing which universities to apply to, and in particular deciding between Oxford and Cambridge (you can only apply to one), her gran gave her this pearl of wisdom:

"Don't go to Oxford. People get murdered there, I saw it on Inspector Morse."
(Sun 22nd Oct 2006, 13:51, More)

» Useless advice

just reminded me...
On a particularly shit bottle of red wine:

"Goes perfectly with a ham and cheese toastie"
(Sat 21st Oct 2006, 13:47, More)

» Mistaken Identity

free underage drinks
On a night out I was chatting to a friend of a friend who'd been to the other high school in the same town as me. Talk turned to celebrating exam results (this was around a year after I'd left 6th form), and she told me a story about GCSE results night, when a pub landlord had given her free drinks all night because she'd done so well; in fact he had seen her picture in the local rag that day. Obviously this girl wasn't going to turn down free drinks, particularly not at the age of 16, although she was pretty sure there'd been a mix-up. Fast forward three years and it suddenly dawns on me that I was in fact the geek in the paper that particular year... those were my free drinks!

Dunno what he was thinking, she's ginger and I'm not...
(Tue 5th Jun 2007, 16:57, More)

» Cheap Tat

Mmm, you smell lovely
Huge Buzz - not a sex toy or a type of narcotic but in fact fake 'Hugo Boss' perfume my boyfriend bought from a £1 shop in Leeds.

It doesn't smell too bad though, surprisingly.
(Mon 7th Jan 2008, 19:57, More)

» Work Experience

blobs, anyone?
I gave out condoms from a council-run drop in centre in an ex-mining town in the North East with an astonishingly high teenage pregnancy rate. The script went something like this:

"Plain or flavoured?"

"Write down your age and postcode here please"

Said condoms would then mysteriously appear over car exhaust pipes and wing mirrors in the undercover car park next door.

Other highlights included holding cigarettes while people answered the phone, going to the sandwich shop with mammoth orders, attending sexual health workshops to boost the numbers, and typing their entire AGM report on Microsoft Word because no one else could use it (even seven years ago there was no excuse for that).
(Thu 10th May 2007, 22:02, More)
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