Hmm

(Sat 4th Sep 2010, 12:28, More)

» My Arch-nemesis

My nemesis is...
...rather unsurprisingly my boss. Now I know we've had all manner of employment related nemeses (nemesises? nemesisis?) but this guy is a wanknut of the top level.

For those that don't know, I'm employed by a fairly large company. They've been around since the 17th century, and as is the case with these sort of groups they've expanded into several product areas - no I'm not naming names but a quick google should sort you out. I'm employed by the entertainment division, which is alright as nobody minds you doing your own thing every so often.

So the boss man got where he is through family (as these types always do) and quickly managed to get his people installed throughout the company - chums and the like keeping on eye on the rest of us.

Now I'm a fan of my alternate music, but this guy is a total goth, occasionally turning up with black eyeliner on or wearing tight leather trousers. The thing is he's also the most bigoted person around. We have a mental health facility down the road from our offices, and he's always shouting at the patients when he meets them in the street, saying they should be chucked in the asylum (his words). He's even beaten a few of them up, although usually when he's got his cronies along with him. Of course nobody ever believes it's him.

He's notorious for shutting down projects he doesn't like the look of, although he usually waits until the last moment to do it - inevitably leaving you looking like a complete nob end for thinking of the idea in the first place. The worst time was when I came up with this awesome wee TV gizmo (can't say more - NDA) and he shot me down right in front of a load of investors. Apparently it "raised too many questions" which is exactly the sort of nebulous crap he's well known for.

Of course when he fitted a jet engine on the back of his motor and started hanging around with this kid who wore leather that was so tight you could see his nipples we all knew he had gone too far.

(sorry)
(Sun 2nd May 2010, 12:20, More)

» Little Victories

This is more of a potential little victory. But if quantum physics is right, then it's both a victory and not a victory until observed
Many pubs and such have a requirement that if you're paying by card it needs to be above a certain amount. Unfortunately, this flies in the face of the Merchant Agreement that they sign in order to have access to Visa/ Mastercard network.

Being as I do enjoy not having a phlegm filled pint I'm keeping this factoid in reserve until I get really shoddy service in a pub - at which point I'm going to request a solitary pack of nuts and act like a hissy bint when they won't take my card - showing off the screengrab of the merchant agreement on my phone to whatever non-caring bartype is serving me.
(Mon 14th Feb 2011, 14:22, More)

» Mad Stuff You've Done To Get Someone To Sleep With You

Twisting the topic slightly...
...but after 10 months of no sex. Of listening and being a nice guy. Of going on holiday and sitting in a hotel room saying how "I was happy to wait till she was ready". Of lying in bed and dry humping until I got friction burns on my little fellow. Of averting my eyes from other girls so as not to hurt her feelings.

I ended up cheating on her and meeting the girl I love today. Who is very happy to indulge the vast quantity of sex I require.

She's now happy to sleep with her female flatmate, so I guess that's life.
(Sat 14th Apr 2007, 20:31, More)

» The Apocalypse

Scariest dream I've had
I'm stood on a street near my parents' house. No idea what the rest of the dream was about, but I look up towards the skyline and watch a mushroom cloud curling up.

Even now I can remember that feeling. Everything I wanted to do in my future was over, all my hopes and dreams and desires were pointless.

I'll take a scary monster chasing me any night now.
(Sun 17th Jun 2012, 12:33, More)

» Unusual talents

I can fly...
...albeit only for two seconds, then gravity takes over.
(Fri 19th Nov 2010, 12:17, More)