» Going Too Far

Ring of Fire
After much drinks one night there was a group of us staggering around our local town.

One of my mates Rich disappeared - only to be found shortly afterwards asleep on a park bench.

After the usual beer can / bottle / stone throwing fun he was still sparko, so something more exciting was required - Petrol !

Some one produced a jerry can (as good friends always do), and I then proceeded to run pouring petrol in a (what I thought was) big circle around the bench, still with it's happy sleeping Richard on it.

Said petrol was lit, only then did I realise quite how tight this circle was, and had the horror of watching my friend awaken through the flames, leap to his feet and for some random reason shout "Hell's Bells!" before sprinting through the 3 foot flames into the night like a scolded cat. I think he ran all the way home cos we didn't see him again for a few days.

I am a bad person, I often go too far.
(Tue 14th Nov 2006, 13:28, More)

» When Animals Attack

I was savaged by a Leopard the other day
When I say a Leopard, I actually mean my small pet leopard gecko, and when I say savaged I mean it put it's mouth over the end of my finger and squeezed with toothless jaws.

But I did let out a big girly scream though and shake the fucker off my finger, only to see her arc gracelessly through the air only to land on the carpet between my 2 cats....(she escaped untwatted).

Of the many lizard bites I have received in my time it was the least painful. Top Tip - don't get bitten by a Water Dragon.
(Thu 24th Apr 2008, 15:20, More)

» Kids

A paedo's wet dream
fuck that sounds wrong....

Anyhoo little girls seem to fall in love with me in an instant. Many family parties/weddings have been spent with a small cousin staring at me from 2 feet away grinning like a mad fool. This is even worse when it's a stranger's daughter.

Big girls do not pay me the slightest bit of attention.

Needless to say I crave the attention of the adult variety.

fucksocks
(Fri 18th Apr 2008, 17:42, More)