b3ta.com user Victor Meldrew
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Profile for Victor Meldrew:
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Recent front page messages:

Nah-nah nah-nah nah-nah naaa-naaah DU DU DAAAAHH!

(Tue 30th Oct 2012, 15:02, More)

Hi I am prince of Camelot, pls give bank details for sum of £100000000 deposit urgent!

(Wed 2nd May 2012, 13:29, More)

This makes me feel a little sick, but also makes me want tea!

Edit: Blimey, FP! Thanks
(Thu 8th Sep 2011, 18:30, More)


EDIT: Thanks everyone and cheers for the FP!
(Wed 18th May 2011, 12:58, More)

Those heartless bastards

DE-RIS: news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/7812917.stm
(Tue 6th Jan 2009, 16:32, More)


(Wed 29th Oct 2008, 17:43, More)

Huzzah! Her new cookbook is out!

(Tue 11th Sep 2007, 18:18, More)

I play THIS game for ONE reason.... Knowledge is POWER!

(Thu 15th Mar 2007, 18:07, More)

Inside scoop!

(Wed 21st Feb 2007, 15:05, More)

Bloody yobs

(Sun 7th Jan 2007, 12:27, More)

My word its foggy out. Need to use one of these!

(Mon 6th Nov 2006, 16:30, More)

"Good day for it Jesus!"

(Fri 19th May 2006, 17:37, More)

(Mon 24th Apr 2006, 21:00, More)

(Mon 17th Apr 2006, 16:38, More)

(Mon 20th Mar 2006, 17:46, More)

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(Mon 2nd Jan 2006, 17:51, More)

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(Fri 16th Dec 2005, 17:53, More)

(Fri 11th Nov 2005, 17:58, More)

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(Wed 1st Jun 2005, 17:52, More)

this ok?
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EDIT: cheers for the second FP! :D
(Wed 25th May 2005, 21:16, More)

it's not all aliens and adventure you know........

(Tue 19th Apr 2005, 23:19, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Well, that taught 'em

Bit of a blokey thing to say here really
but about 6 years ago i had the hots for this girl and most her mates. She often used to tell my friends (in a way that was meant to get back to me) that she and all her mates were out of my league and wouldn't EVER touch me with a barge pole. The funny thing is that her infinitely more attractive and VERY milfy mother didnt seem so picky in a night club a few weeks later.
VERY childish but that taught her.
(Fri 27th Apr 2007, 12:07, More)

» Conversation Killers

I finally get to wheel this one out in a QOTW.
My Mrs was having a house warming party at her new place (obviously) and had invited friends from across the country to come along. In all there were about 40 people crammed into one front room of a pretty modest bungalow. Inevitably conversation started to dry up a little, so a round of guitar hero was suggested.

My friend and I decide to take the first turn as everyone is a little shy (most have driven, only 3 are staying over and drinking).

The song selection comes up, I choose 'Beat it' by Michael jackson.

Friend, (jokingly) "Why are you putting that on, it's a kiddy fiddler tune?!"

Me, "The joke's on you, I LIKE fucking kids!!"

Stunned silence in the room.

We collapse in laughter. Nobody else does.

By the time that song has finished all but the 3 poor sods who are sleeping over have left. Those three people went to bed early.

(Fri 13th May 2011, 9:16, More)

» My First Experience of the Internet

Back when programs like 'live & kicking' started asking for people to email in, we looked into what this 'email 'could be.... turns out it was electronic mail, WHAT WITCHCRAFT IS THIS?!

Anyway, we decided to 'hack' into our school's 'records' (like they'd even have any sort of online connection back then!) with my mate's Spectrum by typing "HACK SCHOOL X, RETURN, RUN HACK". We sat there for a few seconds before my mate panicked and pulled the plug out of the wall turning the whole lot off, before we ran outside and hid in the field for the rest of the afternoon in case the police came around.

It would be about 10 more years before i had anything that contained a modem, let alone being able to connect to the internet.
(Thu 22nd Mar 2012, 13:57, More)

» Petty Sabotage

Sabotage in Religious education class!
Back in t' day when we HAD to take R.E. as part of our school week, we were asked to come up with a religious themed board game (presumably to get us to do SOMETHING r.e. related besides asking the teacher if you can be re-incarnated as a carrot). Anyway, once said games were completed (drawn onto A3 bits of coloured sugar paper) we passed them on to other tables to play. Imagine our horror when our 'get ghandi' game returned form the girls table with flowers drawn over everything!! SO to return the compliment, we turned every single curved surface on their one into a comedy cock! Beautiful flowers became 8 knobbed mutant flowers and a wonderfully drawn horse had its nose turned into a todger!!!! Bitches complained and we got held back and recieved a right bollocking.........god it was worth it!! :)
(Sun 8th May 2005, 19:35, More)

» My sex misconceptions

My first girlfriend had some classics
Now bear in mind I was 18 and she was 23 AND had already had a kid with someone else, so you'd expect she'd be well up on all matters of the sexeh tiem.

Well on time in bed she was messing with my 'member' and was looking at it rather odly..

Her "Where is the other hole then?"
Me "What?"
Her "The other hole you piss out of??"

Thats right, this 23 year old woman who has had kids somehow thought the penis had 2 holes in the end...one for spunking and one for pissing!

I wish i'd pretended as the realization that they both came out the same place was met with, "thats fucking gross, i'm not putting that in my mouth again."
(Tue 30th Sep 2008, 12:40, More)
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