b3ta.com user Biff...
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» Losing it

Jump ... jump ... jump ...
For fun I fly gliders - it isn't as calm and quiet as you may imagine mostly because you are zipping through the air at 70 miles an hour listening to the chat on the radio with various gadgets beeping and whining to tell you if you are going up or down or near controlled airspace ...

... one afternoon in 2005 while whistling through the air over Suffolk I had a sudden and very deep sense of dread come over me ...

[for those of you who don't know - Glider wings are designed to be taken off and the whole kit and caboodle stored in a long thin trailer. The wings are pushed together through the fuselage and typically joined with two thick metal pins - it is obvious if you have done it wrong as they flop to the ground - mine was a design such that the ends of the wings engaged with each other and a thin pin about the size of a man's index finger stopped them wiggling out]

... I couldn't remember putting the pin in! I slowed down gently, and tried to think ... OK so I arrived at the gliding club, I eat breakfast, I got someone to help me carry the wings, they slotted together, I used the lever to ram them together, I went for a cup of tea and chat and look at the weather forecast ...

... yup something missing! OK let's run through that again - nope still a gap 8-0

OK take this gently - THINK FOR GOD'S SAKE MAN!!! OK - can't see the if the pin is in as it is behind my head. What next? Is it in the cockpit? A few seconds rummaging around and all I can find is a twix, a half chewed biro and couple of plastic "relief" bags. Great! Must be in ...

... not so fast chirped up a little voice - "it lives in a pouch behind the seat! Can't reach that can you ! Can't see through the back of you head can you? Just imagine you're going to be trying to land - you'll open the spoilers and pop - the wings will fall off and you'll plummet hundreds of feet to a slow lingering death!"

GOING TO HAVE TO JUMP!!!!!!!!! Good thing you are wearing a parachute ... now make sure the straps are tight. Let's get them above the lump in your pocket.

LUMP? - POCKET? - PIN? - OHthankfuckinggoditsmynewphoneandithasacamera - now if I hold it by my ear facing backwards and clicketty-click!

A lovely photo of the pin holding the wings together - phewww!
(Tue 26th Jul 2011, 9:22, More)

» Tightwads

It has taken 4 days to find a unsecured Wifi connection to make this post from ...
(Sun 26th Oct 2008, 18:52, More)

» Mad Stuff You've Done To Get Someone To Sleep With You

Getting married for sex ...
... is like buying a 747 for the complementary peanuts.

I wish some f**ker had told me this before I did. Then she went Ryanair on me and was too tired and just wanted to cuddle. She didn't like it when I started flying with other carriers!

Length - don't care so long as there is enough leg room.
(Mon 16th Apr 2007, 9:47, More)

» Strict Parents

Please help!!!!
My mother is so strict she told me thay if I don't make it to the Best page she'll take away my keyboard and mouse.

So click "I like this!" now

Her cane is a good 4 foot long!
(Fri 9th Mar 2007, 14:19, More)

» Unusual talents

3D ...
I can see in 3D - so bollocks to you Sony
(Sat 20th Nov 2010, 22:40, More)
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