Jump ... jump ... jump ...
For fun I fly gliders - it isn't as calm and quiet as you may imagine mostly because you are zipping through the air at 70 miles an hour listening to the chat on the radio with various gadgets beeping and whining to tell you if you are going up or down or near controlled airspace ...

... one afternoon in 2005 while whistling through the air over Suffolk I had a sudden and very deep sense of dread come over me ...

[for those of you who don't know - Glider wings are designed to be taken off and the whole kit and caboodle stored in a long thin trailer. The wings are pushed together through the fuselage and typically joined with two thick metal pins - it is obvious if you have done it wrong as they flop to the ground - mine was a design such that the ends of the wings engaged with each other and a thin pin about the size of a man's index finger stopped them wiggling out]

... I couldn't remember putting the pin in! I slowed down gently, and tried to think ... OK so I arrived at the gliding club, I eat breakfast, I got someone to help me carry the wings, they slotted together, I used the lever to ram them together, I went for a cup of tea and chat and look at the weather forecast ...

... yup something missing! OK let's run through that again - nope still a gap 8-0

OK take this gently - THINK FOR GOD'S SAKE MAN!!! OK - can't see the if the pin is in as it is behind my head. What next? Is it in the cockpit? A few seconds rummaging around and all I can find is a twix, a half chewed biro and couple of plastic "relief" bags. Great! Must be in ...

... not so fast chirped up a little voice - "it lives in a pouch behind the seat! Can't reach that can you ! Can't see through the back of you head can you? Just imagine you're going to be trying to land - you'll open the spoilers and pop - the wings will fall off and you'll plummet hundreds of feet to a slow lingering death!"


GOING TO HAVE TO JUMP!!!!!!!!! Good thing you are wearing a parachute ... now make sure the straps are tight. Let's get them above the lump in your pocket.

LUMP? - POCKET? - PIN? - OHthankfuckinggoditsmynewphoneandithasacamera - now if I hold it by my ear facing backwards and clicketty-click!

A lovely photo of the pin holding the wings together - phewww!
(Biff..., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 9:22, 14 replies)

just the thought of that got my heart beating a bit faster
nice story, but it'd scare the living shit out of me
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 9:48, closed)

fffuuuuu....I could feel the cold-sweat starting just reading that!
1st time I ever sat on a bike, it seems I rode hell for leather straight forward and smacked into an innocent tree 15 feet away!

..1st time I ever got on a skateboard, I prompty crashed out in spectacular fashion seconds later.

..1st time I got behind the wheel of a car as a fresh faced learner I promptly pranged it! (got reverse gear by fluke and hit a fence 10 feet behind me)

Now I would LOVE to try and fly (glider, light plane, anything) but given the above record, I suspect my 1st attempt would be a very definite full stop to my life in motion.

still crashing into the roof of the town hall, on fire trailing electric cables, with a duck embedded in the cockpit windscreen would be a pretty cool exit all the same!
( The magic of chutney Shakes it like an Instagram filter!, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 10:23, closed)

The good news ...
... for about the first several dozen times we send you flying with an instructor! So you'd probably survive ;-)
(Biff..., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:17, closed)

Fantastic.
Did you switch the gas off before you went gliding?
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 13:08, closed)

.
Nice try - electric hob!

.
.
.


Hang on a minute ...
(Biff..., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:36, closed)

Went gliding the other week
It's amazing; you don't have to try too hard before you find yourself accidentally pulling a bit of G and unfurling your cumming face. Brilliant.
(mersault, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 13:31, closed)

If that was me
...before I flew again I'd have a little light on the dashboard which lights up when the pin is in place...
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 15:51, closed)

my god i'd love to do that (gliding, that is, not panicking about having to jump)
is it an expensive hobby? how much would you have to pay just to have a go, without buying all the kit etc.?
(leviticus no longer likes the cut of your gib on, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 16:20, closed)

Gliding
It is absolutely brilliant fun - especially being winch-launched (0-70mph in about 2 1/2 seconds)!!

Mind you, parachuting is pretty awesome fun as well...
( Hunter Stockton was murdered by a bicycle wielding axolotl,.,.,.,., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 17:18, closed)

Generally best to not combine the two activities, though.

( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Tue 26 Jul 2011, 22:19, closed)

~cheap~
The club I fly at has an annual charge less than the local golf clubs and less than most gyms. Then it costs ~£10 per flight ...

www.gliding.co.uk/findaclub/ukmap.htm

YMMV
(Biff..., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:38, closed)

I admire your quick thinking on the phone camera part. You'd be good in a crisis.
(Mong goose, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 0:22, closed)

This was a crisis
And he was great. :)
(Smysha Tra la la!, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 0:53, closed)

.
Some of the longer sweating moments may have been edited out.

Bugger length - it was the height that worried me!
(Biff..., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:39, closed)