» Pet Stories

Kitty cat Sooty
Right from the second I had him Sooty would eat anything. And I mean anything. Stuff with garlic, creamy sauces, pasta...... He is an industrial dustbin.
Anyway a few months ago we noticed he was trailing around looking sorry for himself. He was in the kitchen doing bum scuttles, he was basically dragging his arse along the floor clearly trying to get something out.
We saw some poo and then saw something dangling from his bum. My partner pulled it with some kitchen towel, expecting it to be some grass or something. It turned out to be string. On closer inspection it wasn't just any old string........it was the knotted string you get with tampons. He'd bloody eaten a tampon.
He had the shits for days and didn't move very much for at least 3 days. He felt very sorry for himself...
(Fri 8th Jun 2007, 12:13, More)

» Mistaken Identity

Mistaken i.d. - true story
Mistaken identity can be very serious and traumatic.

At the beginning of June, approximately two weeks after I had moved to ****, someone threw an egg at our window, followed half an hour later by a candle in a glass holder thrown at the back door. Neither of us had ever experienced anything like it and it really shook us up. We were hoping it would die down and possibly be an isolated incident so we were inclined to let it go.

A few days later, a water spray was thrown at the kitchen window. We really didn't know how to deal with them, especially as we didn't know who was doing them.

After about three weeks, this was followed up by a furious banging at our front door. Neither of us answered, and then the banging started again. When neither of us answered, a stone was pushed through the letterbox.

A week later, at about 11.30pm, we had another egg at our back window and half an hour later a large rock was thrown through our front window. After this, we reported the whole catalogue of incidents to the police; we had been keeping an incident diary. We, at first, didn't realise that it was our front window, as the house was on a terraced street and the houses were all very closely packed together. We looked out of the bedroom window, as we were upstairs at the time, and saw the whole street standing in the middle of the road half way down, just staring at our house. No one said anything, just stood and stared. Our neighbour came out and began talking to the pub landlady about it, standing right underneath our window.

Less than a week later, we had another incident of violent banging on the front door, I immediately got on the phone to the police and my partner saw a gang of youths running off down the road. Whilst I was speaking to the operator one of our neighbours came round and told us that the reason why we were being harassed and victimised was because a rumour was going round that I was Maxine Carr (of the Soham murders.) After hearing this, through my shock and disbelief, things fell into place - the behaviour of the neighbours, the staring, the refusal to help after our window was smashed. Things still haven't sunk in, I just feel sick and numb and in shock that I was somehow caught up in the Soham incident and I haven't done anything.

Things took a horrendous twist for the worse on the following Saturday - at 11.30pm a huge brick was catapulted through our front door. We were living in fear, we didn't dare leave the house and neither of us slept or ate.

The Superintendent of **** police got involved, we had a panic alarm fitted that went straight through to the police station and we had CCTV fitted front and rear to try to catch the gang.

However, after all of that, the back living room window was smashed - a huge brick - the type that is used in construction of industrial buildings - was thrown through our double glazed window. After that we knew we couldn't stay, there was no point, we were both ill and knew that whoever was behind all of it would never be caught.

We think that our neighbour was behind it all, he lived with his girlfriend and young daughter but behaved inappropriately around us. He constantly stared into our house, our kitchens faced each other and he was ALWAYS staring in. He kept coming out into his yard and looking through our windows, he asked my partner questions when they first met that weren't appropriate for a first meeting e.G what were the living arrangements, and "you slept in the living room for 2 weeks didn't you" etc. He was too creepy, told us all kinds of things like he'd tried to kill himself and things like that. We began to ignore him and that was when the egg throwing started. I never bothered waving over or anything and he even had the nerve to ask whether I was shy and was that why I never waved back whenever he stared into our windows! So when we had both had enough of his strange behaviour and ignored him, we began to have the egg throwing.

That street is full of secrets, I know for a fact that residents on that street know a lot more than they ever told the police. It was evil, a really evil place. And we KNOW that the freaky cnut of a next door neighbour started it. Because he was a pervert and got off on us living next door. Btw, he even asked if his porn kept us awake..........says it all - he watched it (turned up) cos he wasn't getting any and his only outlet for his sad frustration was to get off imagining us hearing it! Incidentally we never heard it.

Moral of the story - make sure your neighbours aren't sexually frustrated, perverted, sad, in-the-closet gays with a chip on their shoulder(rugby lookalikies with high pitched effeminate voice) with a habit of staring into your windows. It makes life easier.
(Thu 7th Jun 2007, 13:53, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

Tsk the state of educashun
In the bus stop I use every day to get to work is the following illuminating slogan in tired black felt tip: Tristan ov clifton

In the same bus stop: Adam Measom is gay

Bet they were up all night composing those little legends.
(Wed 9th May 2007, 13:35, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

On My Way To Work
I pass a small construction site courtesy of David Wilson homes. On the advertising, right underneath 'David Wilson' some bright spark had written 'is gay'. How predictable!

What about the road in Nottingham called 'Cheapside'.....
(Tue 8th May 2007, 11:45, More)

» We have to talk

I get told this constantly
'We have to talk'....followed by 'why aren't we getting along' and 'we should be pulling together' despite the fact nothing in either of our behaviour had changed! I swear my partner is obsessed with the need to talk.... Running off doesn't help cos I get trapped back in it again and then get accused of not wanting to face up to anything and 'don't you want to be with me then?'

'We need to talk'......nothing good EVER follows that.....

shitbuckets.
(Fri 20th Apr 2007, 9:45, More)