b3ta.com user M@rkoni
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Profile for M@rkoni:
Profile Info:

I'm a retired Lighthouse Technician and a part time luxury biscuit designer.

e-mail : emporer_nero at hotmail dot com

I am gayer than you

Recent front page messages:

like my new toy?

(Thu 27th Feb 2003, 15:09, More)

they won't stand still

(Tue 25th Feb 2003, 10:59, More)

valentine's day
I couldn't give a........

i do care really
(Fri 14th Feb 2003, 11:53, More)

Cor, I dun'arf feel rough after eating my cereal !

(Wed 8th Jan 2003, 9:57, More)

Cat Humour
Low hummus

(Mon 23rd Dec 2002, 14:36, More)

All aboard

Arsecakes...a hovering elephant
(Mon 23rd Dec 2002, 11:20, More)

He's only gone and opened his present early

(Fri 20th Dec 2002, 12:26, More)


I think it should be national Hamster day
(Fri 20th Dec 2002, 9:48, More)

Poor Rat Boy was left at the orphanage.
For some reason.

(Tue 12th Nov 2002, 10:21, More)

awww, ain't de sweet.

(Fri 8th Nov 2002, 16:04, More)

Terry was always self conscious of his birth defect

(Wed 23rd Oct 2002, 15:12, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Booze Related Disasters

mixed way to many drinks one night.......
spewed in my girlfriends parents conservatory then was ushered into the bathroom to continue my heaving activities.
Whilst driving the porcelain bus I decided to kneel down as by legs had a mind of their own. I was leaning over the loo when I slipped and got my head stuck between the toilet bowl and the wall, my legs were tucked underneath me so I was unable to move, I called for help but no one turned up for 15 minutes. When help did arrive my so called friends called everyone over to have a look. I was dragged out once everyone had stopped laughing and after one mate decided to use the loo whilst I was stuck!
ooooh bugger!
(Fri 19th Mar 2004, 9:14, More)

» Scars with history

I've got a 2" scar on my arm from getting stuck ina giant fibreglass clowns mouth!
12 years old, on holiday with my parents in the isle of wight. We were having a day out at 'Black Gang Chine'(a dodgy second rate, council estate esque theme park, pirates and that kind of shite). We got to a kids play area where one of the bits of kit was a giant clowns head with a slide inside and a tube for a mouth, I tried crawling through the tube but got stuck half way and had to be pulled free by my dad and 2 passers by and as i was dragged out I cut my arm on an exposed screw head. I think that's the reason I hate clowns so much!
(Wed 9th Feb 2005, 13:34, More)

» Clients Are Stupid

IT zeppelin
I'm trying to get some tit to follow some instructions on his PC over the phone so I don't have to get off my lazy arse and go see him.
I say to him "Right click on the 'my computer' icon"
he says "What's right click?"
Later on I say "Press the 'Q' key"
He replies "What's the 'Q' key"
whilst banging my head on the desk I say "the one next to the letter 'W'"
and he then makes out that I'm not giving him the right info!!!!!
(Tue 30th Dec 2003, 8:14, More)

» Dad Jokes

not so much a joker, more like a prankster.
Everytime we would go out for a meal, a male member of the party would need the loo. If my father needs the loo he would also make the journey. Once you have finished you would then go and wash your hands, this is where my dad would be waiting.......whist standing there he would get a hand full of water and throw it over your groin, hence you now look like you've pissed yourself!
Another favorite of his is to turn your teaspoon upside down in your hot drink if you left the table, upon oyur return he would turn it back the right way. Then you would attempt to take the spoon out but it would be so hot you end up flinging it accross the room.
ooh ooh ooh, and another would be to ask people if their ice cream/cream cake/any messy pudding if it smelt funny. You would then smell it, as you did he would smack your hand causing you to jam it up your nose. This doesn't go down to well when done to your girlfriend or her mum!
(Wed 10th Dec 2003, 16:08, More)

» My Wanking Disasters

A mates mate ......
Wanks at work, he uses his wastepaper bin under his desk!!!!!!
Wrong, just wrong!
(Thu 3rd Jun 2004, 12:48, More)
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