» Well, that taught 'em

punting children
let me set up the story by saying that I am huge. being of german stock, i'm a good 6'5" and 240 pounds. on top of this, i had just gotten out of surgery, so i was fucked to hell on pain killers. seemed like a good time to go to the theatre and see a movie...

...middle of the movie i decide to go to the bathroom. trying not to fall over (i'm still fucked up) i walk into the lobby and mindlessly walk towards the bathroom. i notice there is a woman holding her toddler in front of me...

...apparently the cnut decided to let her child down after i had passed, because the little tyke thought it'd be a great idea to run right between my legs. i swear i didnt see him, but the kid got at least 3 feet of air after i kicked him.

taught him not to run around near big people.

funniest part is the mom apologised to me after the incident as if it had been anything but hilarious to me.
(Fri 27th Apr 2007, 22:34, More)

» Well, that taught 'em

Christmas time is here...
one of my drinking buddies decided he was going to ditch the group and spend the night with some cnut because we are "too loud, and we break things when we get drunk".

it's true, but that's what drinking is all about.

so when he went out of town for a week, my two other drinking buddies and i decided to break into his apartment with about 35 rolls of christmas wrapping paper. it took us over two solid days of christmas wrapping, but we covered his entire apartment in wrapping paper. my favorite was the batman wrapping paper around his guitars.

that'll teach him to pussy out

btw, here's the video of what his room looked like...

www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJtQuLSQDV8

quality isnt the best, but you get the idea.
(Tue 1st May 2007, 15:58, More)

» Mistaken Identity

ben affleck
had an old lady at a church i used to go to call me ben affleck everytime she saw me.

i'm not sure if she thought i was him or just thought herself clever, but i've gotten the same from other people so who knows
(Tue 5th Jun 2007, 6:39, More)

» Terrible food

ex girlfriend
i had this unfortunate experience while dating a german girl for a little over two years. nice girl, curvy where it counted, but she could not cook to save her life.

she loved to try to bake cookies. big huge batches of the worst cookies you could ever imagine. she would follow the recipe to a fault, but would always manage to mix up at least 2 ingredients. my favorite two mistakes (which i suggested she fed to her friends as i was not hungry) are as follows...

batch of 100+ chocolate chip cookies, only she ran out of flour, so decided to use baking soda instead, because as a white powder, she figured it would work the same as flour...

another batch of 30 some odd similar cookies. as you know, most chocolate chip cookie recipies call for a small bit of baking SODA... unfortunately she didnt know the difference between baking SODA and baking POWDER... it was truely aweful.

luckily i got out of this relationship with my intestines intact.
(Fri 18th May 2007, 22:31, More)

» We have to talk

ex-girlfriend...
...told me we needed to talk. Apparently she was upset that I went out drinking on our anny and felt I needed to be punished.

I felt differently. Instead of getting scolded, I merely got drunk off grain alcohol with some friends and broke up with her.

Best night of my life.
(Mon 23rd Apr 2007, 6:01, More)