b3ta.com user jameslib
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» Bastard Colleagues

oh so many places, and people....
The girl in a coffee shop that I caught smoking crack in the storeroom. And said "it's okay, it's just crack".
Cleaner I sacked, for persistently trying to shag a 16 yr old waitress, spy on her getting changed, spray her perfume on his jacket, invite her to pose for pictures etc. He was 59. And looked like a urinal cake.
A chef who used to wank into the soup EVERY SHIFT, and then would still have a bowl on his break - "It dunt matter when its yer own"
Scottish barman who would think nothing of leaving the bar unnattended whilst he went and shagged a customer in the kitchen/cupboard/office. Class act.
A part time assistant who would go on about his diet, how much he tried and couldnt lose weight, how depressed it made him - and then take home 20-30 muffins at the end of each shift "For a treat after tea".

Lovely people all...
(Fri 25th Jan 2008, 6:49, More)

» Hotel Splendido

B & B Filth....York
Ran a pub in York that had a B+B attached. One random Tuesday night I checked in a reasonable lateb 30s couple, well spoken, just visiting etc...

They left in the morning, paid the bill, had breakfast, asked directions, nice and polite.

Got to the room to clean it. Oh. My word. Blood and red wine on the sheets. Broken glass in the bin, on the carpet, in the sink. A pint glass filled with piss on the nightstand, the remnants of a couple of lines of charlie next to said pint glass. And a 9 inch turd in the bath. Just beautiful.
(Sat 19th Jan 2008, 20:03, More)

» Awesome Sickies

all time favourite...
best i've ever heard, and fairly sure it's true...
guy in york works in a call centre, crap job etc, spends weekend doing ketamine. drops him in a rather large hole in the universe. calls in on monday morning, saying
" i can't come in, i'm only 1 inch tall"
boss asks "how did you manage to use the phone then?"
reply? "i've just spent 25 minutes jumping on the buttons..."

i love hard drugs.
(Sat 10th Jun 2006, 8:07, More)

» Rock and Roll Stories

call yourself musicians....?
Years ago.Playing a small gig in York, fairly rough pub, not too bad a crowd, except for an old pissed man that kept shouting to 'play some drifters' 'theyre better than this shite' etc. After being told, mid-song, that we were not going to play any drifters songs, he paused swaying in front of the stage. At the end of the song he announced - "Call yourself musicians? I just call you cunts"
And then wandered off slowly to the exit. Which was locked. So he had to shuffle back across the front of the stage to reach the other door. Pausing on the way to assert - "You're still cunts"

Nicest thing anyone ever said about us, really.
(Wed 5th Jul 2006, 20:54, More)

» Spoilt Brats

oxford students...
I know. It's like being nasty about racists or doing jokes about opening milk cartons, but...

Girl in bar, talking to friend. In uniform of shirt, big hair, denim skirt tights etc...

"They just so fucking unreasonable..."
"I know..."
"I mean, how can he say that he's not paying my card offf this month, it's only 3 grand"
"Yeah, and you've got that ski-ing trip next month..."
"I know. He expects me to live on £500 pounds a week...I mean, how the fuck am I going to do that?"
"I know, and God, didn't he tell you to get a job?"
"Yeah. Like thats going to happen..."

And on like this for some time...
(Sun 12th Oct 2008, 11:40, More)
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