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» Dumb things you've done

Boys and Spiders
While it wasn't a dumb thing i did, i definitely got into trouble for it.

i made friends with a kid that wasn't particularly bright. he came over after school, and we we're playing in the backyard and ended up putting ants into spiderwebs. australia does have some nasty spiders, but they are pretty neat to watch.
anyways, apparently he went home and found some spider webs in his yard, and went to search for something to feed to the spider.
a mosquito was buzzing around, landed on his arm, and he squished it. rather than pick off the flattened mozzie and flick it into the spider's web, he just placed his arm into the web, and i guess, expected the spider to trundle down his web, pick his tasty treat off the kids arm, take it away and eat it.

obviously, he got bitten.
(Tue 1st Jan 2008, 1:41, More)

» Mix Tapes

My friend liked Prodigy, a lot. However, he particularly liked the song "Firestarter"

He did indeed create a "mix" tape consisting solely of that song. 45 minutes of it on each side of the tape (or however long a cassette tape is).
(Tue 12th Feb 2008, 18:14, More)

» Bastard Colleagues

just plain weird
pizza shop + dud orders = staff pizza's.
nice pizza's + hungry staff = tasty treat.
yucky ingredients + no interest from staff = cold, stale, gross pizza.

at the end of the night, cleaning up the shop, i put an old, gross, stale pizza into the garbage bin. "muddy" - as we nicknamed him - came back from a late delivery, fished a few slices and began munching on his free treat. that had been in the bin along with everything that i had swept up from the floor.

my boss and i noticed that he seemed to have magically found some pizza, and we couldn't work out where he got it. it finally dawned on us that he MUST have taken it from the bin.

the next day, the same circumstances. old gross pizza that no one else touched, muddy took a slice for a late delivery, as i was beginning the clean up. i strategically placed the leftover pizza underneath other various rubbish. muddy bait as i called it. sure enough, he walked back in, saw that clean up had started and dove into the bin, actually grinning when he found his glorious pizza. my boss and i took turns in placing sick-ass shit ontop of bin-pizza, atleast 10 times.

without fail, he would piss on the floor.

one time, while he was making himself a chicken satay pizza, he let me know that "satay sauce was better than sex, especially because i don't have to pay for it".

one time, he walked in, remained quiet for a few minutes, and then BURST out laughing. like, tears. i asked him what he was laughing at, and (this was at roughly 7pm saturday night) he replied "oh nothing..... well i just remembered something i heard on the radio wednesday morning."

sometimes, when the boss was up the front and he was in the back, i came in thru the front door and would catch him "dancing" to the radio while washing dishes. seeing a lanky guy, washing dishes, bobbing to cows with guns like it was funky town can make you turn around, go back outside, laugh and then come back inside wiping tears from your face.

he came back from a delivery with a bright red face and obvious dried up tears on his cheeks, dropped off his money and walked out. the next day, he brought a piece of paper entitled "untitled.txt" claiming that the "disgusting people at teased him, calling him "dougie" etc, and that if he ever was instructed to take a delivery back there, their pizza would have a mayonnaises type substance on it - and it wouldn't be mayonnaise. "

on his last day (he actually quit and wasn't fired) he said goodbye to everyone, and left. around half an hour later, he came back, sporting a joker/juggler style hat that you see jokers in a deck of cards wearing, a tuxedo like jacket (ontop of his work clothes) and a party horn whistle thing. for reasons unknown, he actually came back inside to say goodbye to everyone, again, with a special costume.

you can't make this up.

i'll talk to my boss and see if he remembers anymore shit that muddy did.

length? 9, 12 or 15 inches.
(Thu 31st Jan 2008, 8:01, More)

» Dumb things you've done

another "not me" but dumb nontheless
What is the easiest, most "out of sight, out of mind" way to clean spaghetti off of carpet?

a vacuum cleaner.

just think about how dumb that is for a moment. and then picture a 25 year old that doesn't have the mental capacity to realise how dumb his idea was.
(Tue 1st Jan 2008, 2:12, More)

» Dumb things you've done

I was in a bar...
I was in a bar, and it just turned midnight or something, and they started playing some better music. I was feeling pretty good, and then a song I just happened to recognise came on. Symphony of Destruction, by Megadeth. As you do, you "put" down your glass, and start playing table drums, to the beat of the song.

"put" isn't the right word. At first, I thought it was just ice. I continued drumming. Around three point two seconds after the song finished, I noticed some red, and some pain.

Took around 5 minutes to drunkenly pull all the little shards of glass out of my palms.
(Mon 31st Dec 2007, 1:23, More)
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