» Sleepwalking

Sleep Clubbing
Don't know if this was sleepwalking or some very strange illness I had that made me do this. Anyhow;

It happened about 10 years ago.
I was feeling really ill one Friday night. So at around 8pm I went to bed.
Woke sometime Saturday afternoon.
All seemed normal.

When I went into Uni on the Monday I was informed by several people that I'd been out clubbing with them on Friday night, kicked a Motorscooter-thingy over (complete with rider ...bonus points?) and was so paralytic I had to be bundled into a taxi and sent home sometime in the early hours of Saturday.

I was asleep! I hate nightclubs! I've never had a fight with anyone in my life!
I don't particularly like scooters, true, but I've never lashed out at one before!

Evil Clone? Mistaken Identity?

No.

I was told I took my jeans off in the course of the evening (as you do), and showed off my tattoo, which is not in a place I'd normally be showing to people I didn't know intimately.

I told them it couldn't have been me, and that I didn't have any tattoos down there. Somehow I don't think they believed me.
(Thu 23rd Aug 2007, 0:18, More)

» Guilty Secrets

Handbag - Sickbag
Office party. Too much to drink as it was free.
Waiting for the meal to arrive (I think it was a Christmas do)...

Realise that lots of alcohol and no food (as yet) was not the best idea.

Must. Puke. Now.

*drops fork on floor*
"Oops, I dropped my fork"
Crawled under table to get fork.
Oh look, someone's rather large handbag is in front of me under the table...

Nobody appeared to have noticed anything, and I wasn't about to say "Excuse me, has anyone got a handbag full of sick?"
So, whoevers handbag it was... I'm sorry! ...unless you belonged to my ex-manager in which case I'm not sorry at all :)
(Tue 4th Sep 2007, 0:13, More)

» Accidental animal cruelty

Hamster + Pen = Death
When I was about 7 years old I had a pet hamster, Humperdink. My best friend at the time also had a hamster.
My friend's hamster was all a silvery-grey colour while Humperdink was half silvery-grey and half white.
This was very disappointing, as an all silver hamster was obviously far cooler looking.
So,
I decided that Humperdink would somehow become an all silver hamster too.
I 'borrowed' my sisters silver glitter-pen and spent ages colouring in all of Humperdinks white bits.
He looked awesome! Not only was he all silver, but bits of him sparkled when he caught the light!
I had the coolest hamster I'd ever met. Possibly the coolest hamster in the world!
Until the next morning when I woke up to find I had the deadest hamster I'd ever met ._.
(Thu 6th Dec 2007, 23:22, More)

» Bastard Colleagues

Ms. I've started so I'll finish
I was unfortunate enough to work in a JobCentre for 2 years. It wasn't the job itself that was horrible, it was just some of the people I had to work with that made me want to smash things.
One lady I worked with, Francesca, must have done a crash course on "How to piss the customer off as quickly as possible".

Firstly she refused to deal with anyone unless they took a seat in front of her.
"Excuse me?"
"Please take a seat"
"I just wanted to ask..."
"TAKE A SEAT!"
If and when they'd eventually take a seat, they'd have to be very very quiet whilst she said :
"Hello, Sir/Madam, Welcome to *insert name of area* JobCentre, my name is Francesca how may I help you?"
If they dared to interupt her, she'd shout at them "Let me finish!" then start all over again. She'd never shorten it, she'd never skip parts. Always the same long winded and pointless greeting to every poor bastard that walked in that place.
She didn't even get the hint when one irate client took the seat, lifted it above the desk and threatened to smash it over her head.

After she was there for a couple of weeks, clients started refusing to see her. Unfortunately I was the only other person manning the front desks, so I'd end up with a queue of people going out the door whilst Francesca had nobody at all in front of her inspite of her desperately screaching "Please! Take a seat!" at random individuals. Occasionally she'd come out with "I am open!" Not entirely sure how she wanted that offer to be taken, but nobody seemed too keen to find out.

Eventually management got fed up with her, and in true civil service style, promoted her to a back office job where she wouldn't have to deal with clients anymore.

Length? Rather similar to this post - Too bloody long
(Thu 24th Jan 2008, 21:07, More)

» The nicest thing someone's ever done for me

Thank you Mr. Car Park man
First day of driving on my own after passing my driving test and I get a flat tyre. Never had to change a tyre before, but thought I'd figure it out somehow.
I'd managed to get the car to a car park, just across from Epsom racecourse.
Got out of the car and took apart the boot looking for what I needed.
Spare Tyre? Check.
Weird spannery type thing? Check.
Jack? erm... shouldn't there be some kind of a car jack in here?
No?
Oh.
It's quite late at night, the car park was dark and looked deserted apart from a few couples doing whatever couples do in dark carparks.
Found a phone box, but nobody home.
Couldn't afford a taxi home. Too far to walk. I had no clue about AA / RAC type things at that point in my life and I figured those services were there for emergencies only and would have felt daft calling them for something as silly as a flat tyre. So I went back and stood in the cold staring at the flat tyre for a bit.
This man suddenly appeared next to me and said "What you need is a Scissor Jack"
Thank you, but there doesn't seem to be one in the boot.
"Give me a minute"
Then he went off knocking on all the car windows until he disturbed a couple who happened to have a Scissor Jack!
Not only that, he jacked up the car and changed the tyre for me too!
There was a pub nearby and I was going to buy him a pint for being so lovely, but he went to return the scissor jack to its owner and then vanished before I could even thank him.
Wherever you are... Thank you!
(Thu 2nd Oct 2008, 21:23, More)