b3ta.com user zeltergiset
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Recent front page messages:

Cool huh

(Tue 22nd Dec 2009, 0:30, More)

I never use it but it's nice to know it's there.

(Fri 30th Oct 2009, 21:09, More)

They don't mention the "not wiping their noses on your clothes" fee

(Wed 28th Oct 2009, 22:41, More)

Da... dum.... da.... dum.... da dum da dum dadumdadumdadum

(Mon 17th Aug 2009, 21:40, More)


(Mon 15th Jun 2009, 22:13, More)

Well, it's related, I made it a few days ago and never posted it.

Click for able-to-read-headlines big (200k)

"Now they want to ban your lawn" is my favourite.
(Thu 13th Nov 2008, 20:16, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Public Transport Trauma

On Sunday evening I went to a gig in Birmingham.

Ordinarily the voyage to Birmingham from my abode is not a particularly difficult one, with a bus followed by a short hop on the train, both of which run at roughly fifteen minute intervals.

Being Sunday, they would probably be less frequent, I thought, but they would still actually be running. How wrong I was.

I don’t know if you’ve ever been on a Rail Replacement Bus Service, but let me assure you that the word 'replacement' needs qualification. It’s going to take about twice as long, it’s going to be horrendously crowded with almost no space for luggage, it’s going to feel a lot like you’re on a school trip and the driver is probably going to look like he’s followed the well-trodden career path of member of the Rolling Stones to Pirate to Rail Replacement Bus Service Driver.

There were no signs at the station indicating where to stand depending on where in the magnificent Midlands you wanted to go. There was one surly man in a high-visibility jacket, who looked like he probably had the job satisfaction of a Ryanair stewardess, who irritably shouted at people until we were all standing in roughly the same place. Naturally, the bus didn't stop there.

Eventually I did get to Birmingham, via every pile of rocks by the side of the track that passes for a station (where, of course, nobody got on or off) and, well, my time there is for another QOTW.

Several hours later I, of course, had to take the Rail Replacement Bus Service home. The last one of the night. With about a hundred other people. Thanks to some anticipation and careful pushing I managed to make it onto this coach, leaving several dozen people outside, and, for reasons I will never truly understand, I chose seats near the back in very close proximity to some loud drunk chavs who had been hitting the town, or whatever. I wish I could remember more of what was said, or perhaps simply more of the noises they made, but I do recall the word "knickers" being used with startling frequency, and at one point a pensive one asked "Would you rather go to Ibiza or Malaga?". This felt even more like a school trip.

An hour or so later I got back to the original station and waited almost an hour for the last bus of the night, before giving in and sharing a taxi back with some other stranded people.

I wish I could drive.
(Tue 3rd Jun 2008, 19:33, More)

» Voyeurism

So me and some friends were in Spain on holiday. Two of said friends (a gentleman and a lady) had been enjoying some sort of whirlwind holiday romance that had somewhat hit a wall by the last night, which we spent at a crappy disco. It was somewhat uncomfortable. At one point I went outside for some fresh air/release of tension. I stood, fairly concealed, albeit not intentionally, against some railings and surveyed the world for a while. Shortly after this I heard their voices. They'd decided to break up. Next to me. After considering my options for the proverbial fraction of a second I decided that rather than slowly edging away I would turn slightly to get a better view. I can't produce a transcript I'm afraid, it was quite some time ago, but the whole episode was highly entertaining. It ended with the immortal line, "Well... you're crap anyway."

I suppose this is the attraction of those soap opera things.

Length? About 5 minutes.
(Fri 12th Oct 2007, 0:40, More)

» Abusing freebies

I've been at university for one month and eight days
And so far I've been to three graduate careers events for second and third years just because they give out free stuff.

1) "Hello there, I'm interested in working for you..."
2) Wait for them to stop talking (often several minutes)
3) Appear interested throughout
4) Smile and grab all the free stuff they've got
5) Try and remember what the company was called as you walk away
6) ??
7) Profit.

Haul so far: A mug, three mousemats, many pens, paperclips, post-it notes, two 2008 diaries, a British Intelligence poster, a bar of chocolate, a pot of "fair trade" (pfft) cocoa powder, a spatula and a banana stress toy.
(Thu 8th Nov 2007, 16:40, More)

» Accidental innuendo

Chemistry class, a few years ago.
I was talking to my friend across the desk, and just at the moment our conversation lulled somewhat I hear, to my left;

"It hurts your arse, but it's worth it."

After much mockery it later transpired the perpetrator was talking about snowboarding, but, naturally, we never let him live it down and it henceforth become his second name.
(Thu 12th Jun 2008, 20:37, More)