b3ta.com user Xiang
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Heya, I'm an aussie and there's not much else to tell.

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» I hurt my rude bits

At high school (and beyond), I was quite prone to jumping onto and going through with spur of the moment ideas and actions without quite thinking them all the way through.

One such incident happened at lunch time with the group of friends, all mindless chatter and such and there I am lost in my own world lost to my own thoughts...

"I wonder if it's possible to kick yourself in the bollocks?"

Verdict: Yes. Yes it is.

Cue: Tears from myself, and tears from those standing in the immediate vicinity (for different reasons I'm sure).
(Sun 16th Jul 2006, 13:06, More)

» Encounters with Royalty

Dad once met Prince Edward
By complete chance.

In true aussie style wearing nothing but a singlet, pair of thongs and all-too-short-shorts.

Undeterred, he sauntered on up, offered a handshake and a big "G'DAY!".

(Thu 10th Aug 2006, 3:18, More)

» I hurt my rude bits

Baby oil and genitals
Not me (of course) but a friend, who for obvious reasons I don't want to embarass should he ever read this board, so let's call him 'Dyllan Keller'.

A marvellous story he regaled us with in high school, that involved one frisky teenager, a shower, and a bottle of baby oil.

Said teenager was happily turning japanese in the shower when through a stroke (or several strokes) of genius, he decided that the baby oil would serve as the perfect lubricant between clenched fist and todger.

What might have been a good idea at the time led to slight irritation of the pubic area before moving quickly onto unholy inflammation and the inability to urinate for three days.

I'll never forget the look on his face as he revisited the events and implored me never to make the same mistake.

What's funnier is the eventual trip to the doctor wasn't even the most embarassing he's had... still. Lesson learnt.
(Sun 16th Jul 2006, 13:00, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

What's the best thing about having sex with a three year old?
Hearing its hips crack.
(Sun 12th Sep 2004, 9:34, More)

» Embarrassing Injuries

Ruddy left leg
Beginning to think it may just be cursed as it seems to be the one with most injuries. Anyway, starting off small - got pushed off of a treehouse ladder by a girl in preschool (in what could be seen as a general attitude that would repeat itself over the years). Don't know how i managaed to do it, but i broke my left leg.

More recently though, whilst getting onto a bus i misjudged a step, coming down too early my foot flew with tremendous force onto the roadside off the kerb where my heel caught against the gutter with no room to move and my shin hard pressed against the metal bus step with nowhere to move and cue me falling face flat forward and *CRACK*. The bus driver pulled an eyebrow and said - Watch out mate, there's a step there. At the time i could only wheeze a 'ta' as my eyes filled with tears and i limped to the back where i spent the next 15 minutes with my head between my legs gasping for breath.

A week or two after that, whilst indulging in the adrenaline sport of Street Luging which I grew to love and subsequently forced myself to part from (due to the massive injury list). For those of you who don't know what luging is, think an elongated skateboard that you lie on and go down really steep hills really really fast, with nothing to brake with other than your feet. At max speeds we've topped about 100+k's an hour, but I digress.

So i'm having a fairly good run down a hill me and my mates have keenly nicknamed Death Hills (for no apparent reason other than their sheer appearance to the casual observer) and on hitting the bottom of the hill i somehow lost control and flew off the road onto the sidewalk and left leg first into a pole at around 60 k's an hour.

My leg was an assorted palette of greens, blue, purple, black, brown, red and yellow for about a month afterwards.

I decided after a few weeks of limping i'd haul myself to the doctor, and get the bus injury checked while i was at it. Turns out the casing of the bone shattered and allowed blood to seep in between the casing and the bone - leaving me with a purplish indent on my shin for 20 years or more.

God I love Life.
(Tue 7th Sep 2004, 11:52, More)
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