b3ta.com user Ginger_Whinger
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I'm 20, Uni student studying Genetics at Leicester. Originally from Yorkshire.

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» Family Feuds

The bastard uncle
Every family seems to have one but I've yet to hear of one that is as much of a bastard as mine.
The story begins years before my birth and so I've had to piece it together over the years from various family members as my dad refuses to talk about it.

Hugh (for that is his name, a.k.a bastard uncle) was the eldest of 3 siblings in a fairly well of family. Once leaving school he had decided to start his own business and had asked for a loan from my grandfather. Of course my granddad was only to happy to help out his first born and the money was arranged.

A week later Hugh rolled up in his new Jaguar. Business plans out the window and money now in four wheeled form with no hope of recovery. It was brand new and had lost half of its value as soon as he drove it from the forecourt. This was bad enough but it was the first of many loans, for a house, a business etc. each time the money being squandered on cars or women. My granddad always lent the money in the trusting naivety that parents can have for their children. Hugh was not done though and asked for another loan to buy a pub. Eventually the money was all gone and my granddad told him such. So Hugh looked around and said;

"How much is this house worth? Sell it and come live with me."

He persuaded him and despite my dad and aunt trying to stop him the last of my granddad's money was 'lent'. Granddad moved into the pub with Hugh and this seemed to be the end but it was just the start. My dad got a phone call a week or so later. It was my granddad and he wanted to see him. When my dad arrived my granddad was sat on the doorstep with his meagre number of possessions.

That's right dear readers, my uncle had kicked his own father out on to the street. Now penniless and homeless, he was forced to move into our spare bedroom until we found him rented accommodation. His health degraded and for the last years of his life my father had to care for him for several hours a day. Not once did Hugh visit.

I was 11 when the funeral came, and it was the first time I had seen my uncle. That day I saw my 6'4" dad cry. The single most humbling experience of my life. I looked to my uncle who sat stony faced and uncaring.

To this day my aunt has written in her will that he is to be turned away if he comes to her funeral. I'll be more than happy to do it.
(Fri 13th Nov 2009, 19:25, More)

» Cringe!

New Housemate
Moving in on the first day at university I met a girl who would be living upstairs from me for the next year.
We said hello, nice to meet you etc. and continued running back and forth from the car with clothes and cider.

Anyway, on my way to the car I saw the girl walking the other way. My scrambled brain registered that I knew her but I couldn't think from where despite meeting her two minutes earlier. This wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't of stopped her and asked her:

"I recognise you from somewhere."

Cue confused looks from her and her mum. (Who I had also just met. She walked away and I continued down the path. I got 5 more steps before I realised what I had just done.

I wanted to claw my own face off with embarrassment.
(Thu 27th Nov 2008, 19:34, More)

» Hypocrisy

They always say they want a nice guy.

Do they fuck! They want a good looking guy who they'll rush into bed, he'll move on and get another girl because he can and is usual a twat because of this.

Whereas the nice guys who the majority of the time get no attention, lack confidence and don't think with their dicks and don't want to sleep with a girl on a first meeting. The woman usually interprets this as the guy not liking her. Crazy idea but some guys like to be friends with a girl before he makes a move. See what her personalities like.

The old saying really is true. Nice guys do finish last.
(Sat 21st Feb 2009, 20:25, More)

» Bullies

*wavy lines*
Me and my ex-mate who we shall call Stephen (or Stevo as he became known) used to be good friends up until the age of 11. But like most friendships we kind of grew apart over time and made new friends. The fact that Stephen started smoking at the age of 12 didn't help.

Anyway seen as how we were the only two kids our age in the village were we lived we still hung around together during the summer till we were 15 as there was nothing else to do. Then he got friends with cars and I got left behind.

So it was one of those endless hot summer days and we walked down to a field full of cows.

"Come on Steve, let's go somewhere else. I'm bored." I turned to walk up the hill but he didn't follow. I'd noticeably seen him change over the years, becoming less responsive and increasingly drugged up.

"Hang on a sec." He reached into his pocket and pulled out some pills.

Ah shit not again. He was okay sober but tripping Steve was not fun to be around. "You're taking again?!"

"No." he said. He then nodded towards, what I maintain is the biggest cow I've ever seen in my life. "he is."

Shit. Not good. I tried to talk him out of it. I told them that they would have no effect on something that size. He told me that they were super strength MDMA. He emptied the WHOLE packet into some hay on the ground and fed it to him.

So we waited. transfixed. Needless to say nothing happened for at least half an hour. I felt my point proved I could gloat. Mistake. Steve was pissed off that he'd just but £40 worth of drugs into a cow and I wasn't helping. As he was about to punch me the cow began to freak. Spinning and looking around. I think my life (or at least my unbroken nose) may have been saved by a drugged up cow.

Sure enough it started tripping. Head butting, charging and biting the other cows. It tried breaking the fence. I was quite happy to run away but Steve stood taunting it! It calmed after a while and then started trying to mate with anything, including the other males.

After an hour of this it stopped and fell straight on it's side. It would have been comical if I didn't think I'd just killed Farmer X's prize cow.

We wandered up, very slowly and poked it with a stick. Alive, phew. It was having one huge comedown. Unfortunately I don't think Steve learned anything. But I did. Don't hang around with Steve.

Bull-E's are bad. Don't do it kids.
(Tue 19th May 2009, 13:02, More)

» Addicted

1) the only choice of drinks in your house are cider or tap water.

2) 'once you pop, you just can't stop' becomes true...
That might be an innuendo for you girls out there i don't know.

3) your greatest fear is being facebook-raped.

4) you have read every single front page of the QOTW for the last year.

5) you just can't stop thinking about 'her'...
or facebook stalking her.

6) your family gets you cider and biscuits for your birthday...
and that is all.

7) Every facebook picture you are in involves you either drunk or getting drunk...
Even the ones at 10am.

8) You judge people who don't know what happened in last week's episode...
and then find it difficult to make conversation with these 'weirdos'

9) you add everyone you meet, however briefly on facebook....
you then look through their profile to see if you think that you will actually get on with them.

10) you know which 'flash' games to recommend to friends when they're bored.

11) you wait for the new QOTW to come up...
and then are pleased for the rest of the day when your post gets on the first page no matter how irrelevant...
and are then devestated when your post doesn't make it onto the front page.

12) you spend more on alcohol each week than food.

13) most of your anecdotes come from b3ta.

14) you measure how good a drink is by it's alcohol:price ratio. The higher the better...
taste is irrelevant.

15) you are proud to be called a b3tard or b3tan.

16) 7p ASDA smart price noodles becomes an option if it means you can get another pint tomorrow night.

17) you compile this list at 2am because you're bored.

18) everything in life can be related to something that you saw in the simpsons, south park, family guy or scrubs.

19) you keep going back for more with the girl that clearly doesn't feel the same about you...
but until she makes it abundantly clear that she doesn't you will go back again.

20) the first thing you did on the day the 7th book came out was go and get it...
you were very happy when Mrs Weasley shouted "NOT MY DAUGHTER YOU BITCH!" in the last book...
and have joined facebook groups with other people that agree.

21) you will do almost anything for a free drink.

22) you are a 16-22 year old male and 'it' is all you ever think about.

23) you think that Russell Brand is a pretentious twat but still envy him.

24) you collect different kinds of cider cans and bottles.

25) watching Anne Widdecombe present 'Have I Got News for You' is better than sleep.

26) a 'mixer' just takes up vital room.

27) Arnold Schwarzenegger in 'Jingle all the way' becomes vital watching.

28) strongbow is drinkable...
otherwise you wouldn't be able to afford to drink as much as you want to.

29) you write or read fanfiction of any kind.

30) you need BBCi player to survive.

31) you cried when a fictional character died.

32) super strongbow (7.5%, 3.8 units a can) is THE BEST THING EVER.

33) You put way too much thought into your posts which it is likely that no-one will ever read or really care about.

or is this just students?

34) you come back to your post and make several additions and alterations.
(Tue 23rd Dec 2008, 2:13, More)
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