b3ta.com user blackkatt82
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» Cringe!

My mother found out about my uni boyfriend by coming by my dorm unexpectedly. He unexpectedly answered-- unexpectedly naked. With a quite unexpected, umm, enlargement. Thanksgiving was quiet.
(Thu 27th Nov 2008, 21:02, More)

» I'm going to Hell...

Not me but my aunt & uncle...
My mom grew up in south Florida, in the sixties with a very dark complexion. My aunt and uncle used to tell her she was an illegal Cuban baby left on the doorstep by dirty communists. They had her convinced that communism was a genetic trait, and because she was born of dirty communists, it was only a matter of time before the federal authorities showed up and hauled her away.
It wasn't really bad until my uncle decided to to take the joke further and call the police station to tell them that they had an illegal Cuban living in their house.

Cue police swarming my grandparents home, demanding papers for my 7 year old sobbing mother and a very long talking to for my Uncle Dale.
To this day you still can't joke with my mother about communism, she didn't talk to me for three weeks after I declared Russian history as my major.
(Sat 13th Dec 2008, 1:58, More)

» Sticking it to The Man

Free Parking!
I like to park in parking garages, for some reason I think they are safer. I'll leave my car there for nigh well the whole day, knowing I owe the nice people who run the garages many monies i cannot afford( as I have probably spent my last on a pack of smokes) I will walk in where the cars enter, push the button to gain entry, give the new ticket to the attendant. As I have obviously only been parked in the garage for less than ten minutes, I do not have to pay. Victory, it is mine.
(Fri 18th Jun 2010, 6:04, More)

» Housemates

My college ex is really just a horrible horrible bastard.
he used to live with a group of boys in a broke down college house right off campus with three good friends and an uptight prig named "Paul". On the weekend of homecoming-- when Paul went like a whining girl man back home- my ex and his decide to throw the world's greatest party. removing paul's possessions to the lawn, they considerately laid down tarps before pouring the entire local sam's club stock of chocolate pudding into his room.
eight cases.
thats 336 pounds of pudding.
by monday morning the inside of the house looked like the set of an apocalyptic german porn gone wrong and the smell of pudding after two days of sex and heat and beer vomit was frankly, incredible.
the four party purveyors had girlfriends who lived elsewhere, so left rent checks in the mailbox and moved out.

the lease was in Paul's name-- I don't believe he got his deposit back.
(Fri 27th Feb 2009, 3:43, More)

» Hypocrisy

ahhh, the innards
Both the Mr. and I are rather heavy drinkers(read.. drunken bastards) but he's a bit older than me, and so has been drinking longer than me. I have a terrible habit of yelling at him for how much he drinks(which is almost exclusively beer) and how i won't be paying for his new liver as I wash back three or four ibuprofen with a vodka tonic.
(Mon 23rd Feb 2009, 4:33, More)
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