b3ta.com user Barry from Eastenders
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Apparently I look like a Spanish fisherman. Judge for yourself:

Oh and I'm ace, that's about all you need to know.

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» Teenage Crushes - Part Two

For that was her name, and unless she's changed it via deed poll in the last half hour, it still is.

I've known her for five odd years. I've only just trotted off to uni (at the other end of the country, although I'm delighted I have and love it here) and she will be doing the same next year.

We've always been good friends, there would be periods of where we'd drift apart in the sense that we wouldn't see each other as much, but we were close none the less. She was and is perfect. Stunning, funny, clever, great taste in music and she doesn't take the piss like everyone else does about the fact I lurve Deal or No Deal.

I've always fancied the pants off her, always. You know when you deny it to yourself, and tell yourself you don't, but deep down, despite not even admitting it inside, you can't stop thinking about someone? That was me. I didn't want to admit it because I didn't think she'd ever feel the same way about me. I wouldn't say I'm unattractive, to be honest I haven't a clue, but it's one of those "why would she go for me" situations. Plus with our friendship having gone on for so long, why would she want to change that now?

Six months ago, give or take, I finally managed to confront my feelings. I was head over heels and thought about her all day every day. She dropped me a text one afternoon that simply said "I'm coming over, I want to see you x". Gulp. What the hell did that mean. The door went. She came in. The usual stuff happened. Watched tele, listened to music, talked for hours as we were cuddled up on the sofa. Then she revealed that she fancied a lad a couple months back and he knocked her back. She showed me a picture of him on the laptop. Nothing special by any means. I told her that as I went to get a couple of drinks.

"Lacey. You're perfect, any man would be the luckiest person alive if he had the chance to go out with you".

She stared at me for a moment, like never before. I could see she was looking at me like I'd always looked at her. "Well then, who do you think I should go out with?". There it was. My moment. And you know what?

I bottled it.

I couldn't even tell you what I said because I can't remember. All I know was it that was some inane drivel, and I haven't forgiven myself or had the courage to tell her how I feel since then. She looked dejected and left soon after.

She's going out with an idiot now. The one moment where I knew she felt how I had all this time and I messed it up. I'm only young, but I still kick myself every day and I'm still torn up inside. If you think there's ever a chance with someone, fucking take it is the lesson I've learned. Getting shot down can't feel half as bad as it did for me in the hour or so after she left that sunny day.
(Mon 9th Nov 2009, 18:25, More)

» Schadenfreude

Sorry for being off topic
I don't really know where else to post.

But I just got a call from the perfect girl in my previous post. She has broken up with her boyfriend and has asked me round. I still feel like death having only got back from Switzerland in the early hours (all worth it though, Fulham actually won for a change) but I couldn't care less.

Don't want to count my chickens before they hatch, but I feel really good. Actually I feel fucking fantastic.

Wish me luck.
(Fri 18th Dec 2009, 11:13, More)

» I don't understand the attraction

Chill Out
First message, be gentle and hold me close afterwards.

Why so miserable on here? Life is a lot more enjoyable if you just relax and smile. It's the mother of all clich├ęs but here me out. I was never miserable per se, but I had a very short fuse - would never be wrong in an argument, have had to stop myself from pushing tourists in front of oncoming tubes and used to get abusive at the first sign of confrontation. I thought that was how I'd be and there was no changing that.


It wasn't even difficult, a lot of things wound me up, in fact if I didn't like something I wouldn't just not be interested in it and think nothing of it, it would aggravate me and I'd hate it/him/her. But I decided that life is here to be enjoyed, and I told myself to chill the fuck out. That was it.

And you know what? It worked, I love myself (and before anyone asks, I mean that in both a spiritual way and a I lie under my duvet tossing off like it's going out of fashion way) and I'm a much nicer person for it. The most important thing is I've stopped having the urge to shove the elderly who are in my way into fast approaching vehicles. Nothing winds me up anymore, I just laugh. Prime example being Jordan and Peter Andre. Previously I'd read an article and shout out various curse words for a good forty minutes before attacking the next person I saw reading the latest gossip about them in the Daily Sport. Instead the chilled out me chuckles at said person's choice in tabloid.

Seriously people, I'm not one to tell people how to go about their lives, but time spent moaning is time spent wasted.
(Tue 20th Oct 2009, 11:48, More)

» Drugs

I took a load of Pro Plus once
I was wide awake for bloody ages!
(Fri 17th Sep 2010, 10:14, More)