» Hypocrisy

Not really funny, but still one that irritates me...
People complaining about how disgusting we all are for using excess electricity and thus consuming natural resources.

That's all well and good, but how much electricity is their PC consuming whilst they type their bile and venom towards capitalism into random blog software 2.0?

It's almost like anti-motorway protestors turning up on the building site having used a bus along a motorway to get there in the first place.

This is probably why few people, particularly amongst the 'Merkins, take environmentalism seriously.

Edit: I've remembered a much more annoying one than the one I originally wrote. Cocks who move to the Costa Del Sol because "immigrants have ruined Britain by bringing over their way of life and forcing it upon us".

Is that why you then sod off out to Malaga and open a damn chip shop then you hypocritical tossers?
(Mon 23rd Feb 2009, 0:03, More)

» Puns

Medical ones
I'll get my coat in advance, but after I had some keyhole surgery in 2002 the following exchange took place:

Doctor: I need to inform you that you have been fitted with a catheter, and will need it for the next 24 hours.

Me: A catheter? That's taking the piss.
---

I also know a guy who had a prostate check. It's OK, he had the thumbs up!
(Sun 8th Mar 2009, 22:00, More)

» Social Networking Gaffes

The perils of 'news feed'
Firstly, apologies for newness (and probably remarkably unfunny story but here goes).

I once fell out with a flatmate at university over politics (as you do at 3am in the morning when you're pissed off cheap Lidl lager because you can't afford anything else), and in my drunken stupor I buggered off back into my room to write an angry, angsty note on Facebook (ashamed I am!), not realising that slagging her off would be visible to her because of the news feed.

So the next morning at about 11am, she knocked on my door, and I got a swift kick in the bollocks for 'slagging' her off. About six days later she slowly forgave me but then we fell out again a year later for good over other issues, mainly because I really liked her and she didn't share the same view in return.

Length? After that kick there wasn't much to write home about...
(Tue 16th Sep 2008, 20:18, More)

» Tightwads

It's your round
... only it never was, as this tightwad I knew always buggered off to pee (or masturbate, we have differing theories on what he did) when it was his round.

Also, if you did get him to pay for a round, he'd come back with things like tap water for everyone (cost = nil).

Suffice to say, he didn't last very long in my circle of sycophants friends.
(Fri 24th Oct 2008, 0:10, More)

» My sex misconceptions

Sometimes a misconception is better for your sanity...
I was told by a female friend of mine (when I was a tender young 8 year old) all about the graphic details of the 'special time', probably as up until that point nothing on earth grossed me out.

I still to this day wish she'd invented some fantasy story that would've shielded me from the horrors of the crimson tide.
(Sat 27th Sep 2008, 0:46, More)