» The Worst Journey in the World

European wind
During a tour of europe a few years ago I ate a bad pizza in Paris that inflicted me with gut cramps in Prague, eruptions in Vienna that are best left undescribed, followed by the most amazing wind in Munich. After running to the Gents in an Augsberg eatery to release said wind, it was with embarrassment that I learned the Gents window faced the outdoor courtyard that was filled with happy German diners. After my non-silent expellation of volumes of gas that would have floated the Hindenburgh, I heard an elderly gentleman in the courtyard exclaim 'Gott im Himmel!'.

Edit: a few months later, my wife and I were watching the film 'Titanic' on TV and during the scene where the Titanic is going down amidst the sounds of metal tearing and compartments collapsing, she looks over to me and says 'That sound makes me think of your incident in Augsburg' with a look of disgust...
(Sat 9th Sep 2006, 9:11, More)

» Rock and Roll Stories

Skinheads meet Donovan
There was a bunch of teenagers that hung around the main street park area of Santa Cruz, California in the mid '80s. They were all the sons/daughters of serious hippies but they got it into their heads to dress like skinheads just as a way to rebel against their hippie parents and to make a spectacle of themselves (as teenagers do). They did the blue mohawks, boots, braces, the whole look. Some of them looked very intimidating but they were all hippies at heart. Wouldn't hurt a fly.

Seeing as they were hippie kids, they were all excited when none nother than Donovan, king of the pseudo-hippies, was booked to play an intimate aucoustic show for a small audience at the local music venue. The Santa Cruz skins immediately snapped up tickets for pretty much the entire front row and set about re-learning all of their favourite Donavan songs by sitting around the main street park, in their skin head outfits, playing Donavan cassettes and singing along.

Imagine poor Donovan's surprise when he walks out on stage the day of the show to see a couple of dozen skin heads in full regalia staring at him from the front row. He looked nervous, but didn't bolt. He ran through his songlist, taken aback and the gusto at which the skin heads sang along to even the more obscure songs like 'Jennifer Juniper'.

Until you've seen and heard a group of skinheads singing 'Mellow Yellow', you really haven't lived.
(Fri 30th Jun 2006, 14:31, More)

» Rock and Roll Stories

Missed opportunity
I was once in Old Trafford Mall buying a cheap travel guitar to amuse my self in my hotel with when I noticed a large hubbub happening at the HMV nearby. I walked over to explore and low and behold none other than the Cheeky Girls were signing autographs as a promotion for their current single. The queue was quite long.

Looking at my new guitar in hand, an idea popped into my head. I could run over to the WH Smiths, buy an indelibile ink pen, and then stand in the queue and ask the Cheeky Girls to sign my new guitar. Just imagine how cool it would be to have cheap acoustic guitar signed by both of the Cheeky Girls! But I didn't. I was lazy and left instead. One of my biggest mistakes, actually.
(Fri 30th Jun 2006, 9:27, More)

» * PFFT *

European wind
During a tour of europe a few years ago I ate a pizza in Paris that inflicted me with gut cramps in Prague, eruptions in Vienna that are best left undescribed, followed by the most amazing wind in Munich. After running to the Gents in an Augsberg eatery to release said wind, it was with embarrassment that I learned the Gents window faced the outdoor courtyard that was filled with happy German diners. After my non-silent expellation of volumes of gas that would have floated the Hindenburgh, I heard an elderly gentleman in the courtyard exclaim 'Gott im Himmel!'.

Edit: a few months later, MrsFalafel and I were watching the film 'Titanic' on TV and during the scene where the Titanic is going down amidst the sounds of metal tearing and compartments collapsing, she looks over to me and says 'That sound makes me think of your incident in Augsburg' with a look of disgust...
(Sat 14th Jul 2007, 16:49, More)

» Encounters with Royalty

No one beats mrfalafel to the loo
At a charity panto at the Hackney Empire theatre, I was sat across the aisle from Prince Charles and his bodyguards. The place was crawling with celebs lord knows how I got in. Anyway, before the show I drank several pints in the bar with my star-struck wife. During the 1st half of the panto my bladder filled. Charles security guards are looking all around so I was too intimidated to run for the bog. I decided to wait until the interval.

When the lights went up, me and my bursting bladder made a mad dash towards the loo. I was aiming to beat the crowds, you see. However, Charles and his bodyguards stood at the same time as me but just behind me. One bodyguard bumped into me as I was turning up the aisle and Charles bumped into him as well. Thus, with them both momentarily stunned I mounted the stairs at speed towards the cool confines of the loo where I was awarded with blessed relief. My poor wife was practically in tears with embarrassment when I returned and was amazed I wasn't arrested or anything.
(Sun 6th Aug 2006, 17:16, More)