b3ta.com user The Artist Formerly Known As &c
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» Celebrities part II

In Victoria Station a few months back...
Had just met up a friend who also happens to be on b3ta, and shall remain nameless (although let's just say that his name ends in "halaa" and starts with "moo"). and we were standing in line at the W.H. Smith's. He was loudly and somewhat profanely critiquing my choice of clothes for the day, which included a waistcoat (and to be honest did look bloody stupid), when I hear a man say "Nice waistcoat."
"Thanks" I say, and look up to find that it is in fact Bill Nighy, standing further along in line with a newspaper folded under his arm. I do a double take, while my friend is entirely unfazed. "Yeah, it's very nice." he continues, and then turns to look at my friend wearing a bright neon green shirt and says "Not sure about your shirt, though. It's a bit garish."

I was incredibly pleased, and spent much of the remainder of the day informing him he'd been "pwned by Bill Nighy." Then he twatted me around the head.

Was a good day.
(Thu 8th Oct 2009, 20:37, More)

» Hypocrisy

Picture the scene, an English class several months ago...
The teacher, one of those "young, inspired" ones who likes sitcoms and lives in Brighton with her vaguely gothic boyfriend and genuinely *enjoys* teaching. Shudder*.

We were looking at the play A Doll's House by Ibsen, and it's use of power between genders, etc.
The teacher poses us the question of "Which gender do you think interrupts more, men or women?" Every student in the room (girls included) say that women interrupt more.
"Ah, you see, everybody THINKS it's women. But actually, it's really men."

"Like fuck it is" is what I would have said if she wouldn't have told me off for swearing so I said "hell" instead. "I can think of loads of situations where -"

"No, it's definitely men, it's been proven," she says, interrupting me.

*Yes, she is normally a good teacher, but this was bloody stupid.
(Fri 20th Feb 2009, 2:45, More)

» I'm going to Hell...

Where's your God now?
The other day in the library at school a bunch of us were sitting at a table talking, including a perfectly nice, un-preachy Christian boy (although I didn't know he was one). Don't remember how exactly, but I ended up slapping his face and saying "Where's your God now?!?" I was later told that he was a Christian, but that hasn't stopped me from doing the same thing whenever I see him.
(Sun 14th Dec 2008, 12:46, More)

» Sexism

Why do women always put the new roll of bogroll on the holder so that the open side faces away from you?
What advantage could that possibly have? It's further away and bloody inconvenient.

(Mon 4th Jan 2010, 21:30, More)

» Breasts

Summer holiday to Gran Canaria when I was about seven.
I was buggering about in the hotel pool on a particularly warm day with an inflatable lilo. My brother and all of the other kids I'd befriended were inside the hotel, and at some point I got bored of swimming underneath it and pretending to be a submarine on my own, so I lay down on it under the sun and closed my eyes. After a couple of minutes, I realised that I seemed to have stopped freely floating around and was caught on something, so I opened my eyes to find my head up against the tits of a highly attractive 18 year old girl with a large group of other teens around her. She looked a bit pissed off, and I quickly paddled away. Sadly, at my young age. I was far too embarrassed to appreciate the situation fully.
(Fri 7th May 2010, 20:27, More)
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