» Flirting

I have this friend
(and it really is my friend, not me)

who is in her early 20s and never had a boyfriend. She's incredibly pretty, smart, classy and all the rest. No one can quite understand it and assume that she's stuck up or something (she's not, but she is shy). I think I get it now though.

A few weeks ago she tells me that she was at the gym and this guy on the bike in front of her kept turning all the way around (not just a quick glance) to look at her while she was on the treadmill. There is nothing but windows that look out on to a brick wall behind where she was, so he was definitely looking at her. He does this several times and smiles at her. She's telling me this story like it was freaking her out and she was annoyed and a little worried by it.

So I ask the first obvious question: was he cute? She says yes he was, so on to the next obvious question: did you smile back? She says no. wtf? Why not?! "Why would I? I don't know him."

And this, my friends, is why she's single and probably always will be.

(well, combined with her desperate avoidance of anyone even close to the friend zone)
(Sun 21st Feb 2010, 22:05, More)

» Tactless

I am the queen of tactless
I used to be worse, but a friend took me aside in highschool and specifically spelled it out to me and I've been working on it ever since. It doesn't come easily to some of us, it really doesn't.

Most of these stories seem to be about small children - we don't come with tact preinstalled and have to learn it, so that's not really surprising - but the best stories are about adults who still haven't learnt.

I put my foot in my mouth so often I wonder why I bother taking it out, but I usually get away with it because once people know me they know I'm the tactless wonder.

However, the painful stories that stick in my mind are from when I've just met new people. Generally, new work colleagues. Like the time I had just started a new job recently and went out for a few drinks with my new work mates. They decided to head back to one girl's place to play board games (seriously, we're all nerds) and drink more wine. One of the older guys (by which I mean mid-30s; we're mostly mid-20s) was wearing a baseball cap and when asked why he said he thinks it makes him look younger. They put me on the spot and asked if I thought it made him look younger and I said "Well yeah, but not necessary in a good way". It seemed to come out in slow motion... and the gaping mouths and stares all turning towards me seemed to happen in slow motion too... what was I thinking?

I'll tell you what I was thinking - he looked like a middle-aged douche trying to look like he's still 'one of the guys' with the 20-somethings. To some extent it really made him look older, because it made him look like someone who feels the need to look younger - if that makes anyway sense. But who says that?!
(Wed 9th Nov 2011, 10:24, More)

» Losing it

Just this afternoon...
At the best of times I'm the kind of person who puts the cereal in the fridge and the milk in the cupboard. I've been known to peel a banana, chuck it in the bin and then stand there staring at the banana peel in my hand. Usually there are no witnesses...

This afternoon (I want to say morning, but I did wake up at 1pm) I went to the supermarket to pick up a few things that I'd forgotten yesterday ($70 worth - yes, I forgot that much). I paid and wandered towards the exit with my trolley. Halfway to the exit I looked at the empty trolley and realised I should probably go back and actually put the shopping bags in it rather than leaving them at the register.

As I walked back towards the exit for the second time (now with added groceries) some guy (who was probably terribly attractive, but I was too vague to notice either way) laughs and says "I saw that" to which all I could say is "My excuse is that I'm jet lagged" and I walked away. He saw me in the carpark and laughed at me again. I was actually too sleepy to even be embarrassed. If it was a TV show he'd have totally been hitting on me, but as it is real life he was totally just laughing at me. I hope my vagueness made his day.

This was after having slept for about 14 hours two nights in a row. Now I have to manage work tomorrow with a screwed up sleep schedule that will mean I only get about 4 hours sleep tonight. Wish me luck; I'll need it.
(Sun 24th Jul 2011, 11:35, More)

» Teenage Crushes - Part Two

ahh... timing.
Yes, I too had teenage crushes on inappropriately aged musicians and post hoc analysis suggests long blonde hair was a key factor.
Now that I think about it, the two main teenage crushes that I actually knew also had long blonde hair.

The first was a friend at that early teenage stage when you've just realised that boys might not actually have cooties and might instead be rather cute. This crush never went anywhere because we moved in and out of each other's friend zones at times that never matched.

The second was also a friend who I didn't realise was interested until after I'd come running to him to tell him how wonderful my new boyfriend was... oops :/ What made it even worse was that the wonderful new boyfriend turned out to be an arsehole control freak (with short brown hair, surely there's something in this?) and the friend warned me and I didn't believe him :(

The running theme with my crushes (there's more, I just don't want to bore you too much) is, ignoring the hair, that I am completely unable to notice when someone is interested until it's too late.

So there's two conclusions I can draw here; the moral of the story is either: 1. I should go with my instincts and only date men with long blonde hair, or 2. I need an independent review board to point out when someone's interested and vet them for me.

I think the first one is easier to work out, pity it's not the 90's anymore :/
(Tue 10th Nov 2009, 5:25, More)

» Unusual talents

It has come to my attention lately
that I have the strange ability to appear drunk when I'm not.

I'm pretty much always the designated driver and have been for the last 10+ years so I've become reasonably practiced at socialising with drunk people while totally sober. I thought it was talent enough to do so "without being one of those dicks" (as my friend so nicely put it), but recently I've discovered more and more concerned people not wanting to let me drive home, thinking I'm one of those other dicks (the type that would drive home drunk). And it seems the more one protests, the more people disbelieve. It's quite frustrating at times. Luckily I now have enough witnesses to vouch for me that my car keys haven't actually been taken away yet.
(Sat 20th Nov 2010, 6:43, More)