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meow

Recent front page messages:

Dave thought these new patches were great

he's going to give up humans one day at a time
(Tue 16th Mar 2004, 11:37, More)

the diet was going well

though not for the pets
(Sat 10th Jan 2004, 6:02, More)

He could stare at her beaver for hours....


and on that note, night night
(Sat 10th Jan 2004, 1:38, More)

morning all

(Tue 28th Oct 2003, 1:22, More)

hmmm, it's harder then it looks

this animals+hairstyle thing
(Thu 16th Oct 2003, 3:32, More)

Q'n'C

(Fri 3rd Oct 2003, 4:24, More)

Dad finally pushed the aircon just one setting to far...

(Thu 2nd Oct 2003, 3:59, More)

Rabbits have amazing hearing, but....

(Wed 1st Oct 2003, 5:13, More)

Not many in the family

would mention Auntie Brian
(Sun 28th Sep 2003, 4:17, More)

German Engineering?

(Tue 16th Sep 2003, 3:45, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Cringe!

She was lovley, i was mistaken
So I used to work in the heart of London, I used to catch the train into Waterloo, then the train from Waterloo East to Charing Cross.
That final bit of the journey was always standing room only on the train, everyone squashed in together trying to be very British and not actually making eye contact or breathing on one another.
Over the course of a few weeks every so often I would see a very lovely girl on the train, she would be standing too, sometimes we'd be quite close; and we would make eye contact.
Now I am a shy person, or certainly I was a lot more shy back then, and it literally took me about a week to get to the point of smiling at her, and when I did she smiled back. A big warm 'I think you're nice' smile. and then she was gone. I didn’t see her the next day, or the day after that, or the week after that.
I started religiously getting the same train, the same carriage, the same door in the hopes of crossing paths with her. Swearing at myself for not simply saying hello to her at any of those missed opportunities. If I saw her again, I would say hello, I would rip stars from the sky for her, but I would start with "hello".
4 weeks went by.
One day when I was least expecting it, I saw her and as the doors closed I found myself (along with 150 others) squashed up against her, facing her, making eye contact with her.
"Hello" I said, trying to stop the warble of nerves entering my voice.
"Hello" she replied with a warm smile
I was emboldened, floating on air, feeling like I was on top of the world "How are you?"
"Erm...I'm fine" a sort of nervous smile this time. By this time some of the other passengers had started taking an interest. Were they squashed next to some predatory nutter?
The cold realisation dawn on me, 4 weeks is a long time. And while I’d never had believed it was possible to forget her face, I surly had.
Needing to know, I asked "You don't know me do you?"
"No" she replied
"Ah, I’m sorry I must have confused you with someone else"
Now at best this shows a total lack of attention to anyone other than yourself and at worst appears to be a very old, overused and obvious pick up line.
Normally at this point a certain amount of embarrassment is released and the offender, me, shuffles off and tries to find a nice hole to crawl into.
But I couldn’t, this was a packed carriage, I was left helpless, locked against this very nice lady who didn't know me. My embarrassment factor went up, I started to blush.
Finally the man nearest me, couldn’t' help himself and released a small giggle. So did the girl, then another man, and another...
As the doors opened at Charing Cross an entire carriage of people with tears streaming down their faces, aching sides and sore cheeks exited leaving a beetroot coloured boy mortified in an empty train.

For the next two years I walked from waterloo to charring cross.

i apologise for noffink
(Sat 29th Nov 2008, 4:15, More)

» Cringe!

i visited my aunt this summer
Me, my mum and my sister visited my aunt up in the countryside.

We'd been down the pub, i'd had a couple and was having a bit of trouble changing my speech pattern and vocabulary back into "relatives and family" mode from "mates you work with" mode.

As we're walking back to their house we are discussing who has what bedroom.
"You can have the one nearest us" says aunt
"ooo are you sure? I snore if I've been drinking" i exclaim.
"Don't worry about that, it's an old house, big thick walls, completely sound proofed"
"Oh good, ok" I say "if that's the case, i might have a wank"


it sounded funny in my head.
they didn't find it funny.


and the room in question was the nursery.
(Sat 29th Nov 2008, 4:24, More)

» When Animals Attack

You know that bit with the facehugger in Aliens
It amazes me how many different habits people have when sleeping, some like the windows open, doors closed, doors open, no pillow, big pillow, no light, little bit of light, music on (a friend of mine used to fall asleep to Megadeth on his walkman), pyjamas, nightie you get the idea... For me, I like complete darkness and everything closed tight. I used to have the window open a little bit, but since that time I woke up with a giant (5cm) cockroach on my chin that ain't happening no more. I also sleep as God intended: Omnipotent er I mean in the nudie. So anyway the whole house is dark, all doors are closed and the only thing stirring is my bladder. It is rather upset that I've turned it into some sort of pikey hot water bottle through the night and it is demanding to be emptied.
Now I know my house quite well, as you'd expect. It's a single floor and the bathroom is right down the other end of the house. Why would I bother turning on the light eh? The house is free from random chairs, shin killing coffee tables and upturned plugs. Only people in the UK are nodding knowingly at that one: sometime in the late 30's a guy came to see the government and said "right chaps we've got these smooth two prong round things that Johnny foreigner uses or I've got this flat backed three pronged beauty, and look I've sharpened the ends to dull points, England: we have a winner".
Right where was I, yeah so I use my internal memory map of the house to navigate to the bathroom: out of bedroom door, pace, pace, pace, squeaky floorboard, four more paces to the door to the lounge, open door...and then...and then something happens which doesn't usually happen. You know that bit with the facehugger in Aliens? As it runs about trying to hug face it makes a funny noise halfway between a pattering of a lobster on steroids and the sound of skin being cut open. Not generally a welcome sound, even less when you hear it accompanying a dark shadow moving quickly on the other side of the room. Now I don't really live in a rough area, but it used to be, so all the windows have bars and the doors are deadlocked. The only weak point is, you guessed it, the one bathroom. It sits on the other side of the main rear door in a little sort of added on annex which has a flimsy patio door to the outside. Now I'm not a big brave person or anything like that, but I was half asleep and I do have guinea pigs which live in the house (in hutches) so I figured one of two things had happened:
I'm imagining it or:
one of the piggies has got loose and is doing it's best to make me crap my pants (ha - tough luck piggy, I sleep nudie), at no point do I assume there is a facehugger in my house. So 'bugger it' I think, and walk through the lounge...through the open plan kitchen, unlock the big dead bolt door into the annex and go into the loo.
I have a lovely wee.
I walk back through kitchen into the lounge, no point in putting the light on. When I get to the hallway I hear that weird scritch scritch sound as before but this time it's ahead of me. Hmm odd, I turn, check the animals are safely in there hutch (there is a little bit of twilight in the lounge), they are. So I walk back to the bedroom and stop at the doorway peering into the gloom. The noise has now changed. It's no longer the scritch scritch, it's more of a scrabble scrabble, and it's loud, I mean LOUD. I am now severely freaked with a complete case of 'The Fear'. My partner has woken up with the noise and is wondering how I can be standing in the bedroom doorway but making a noise from the other corner.
This is it. I turn on the light. For a moment we're all stunned. None of us can see a damn thing because of the bright light. Slowly the high contrast fades and my eyes hurt as the pupils contract to pin pricks. I can see the walls, the bed, and my partner staring up at me with a very concerned (angry) face. Oh, also there is a honking great rat sat on top of the covers. It’s the size of Belgium. It's looking at me. It's not looking happy. It looks like it wants to eat my face. Fortunately my partners face is much closer. Hey, I didn't say it was fortunate for everyone.
So what do I do? I'm blocking his only exit and my partner is still looking at me and not at the creature 8 inches away. You know when you say to someone "Don't turn around" or "don't move while I get this thing of your head" or "Don't freak out but I think its fangs are in you" they invariably turn round or move or like scream incoherently about not liking fangs. So I don't say a thing; I move my eyes and lift my eyebrow to indicate that I'm staring at something of considerable interest. My partners gaze follows.
Then there's like this giant rat eating my face.

My partner contests that a simple knee jerk reaction to pull on the duvet caused the creature to be catapulted in my direction. I know better, he had taken a liking to my pretty eyes. I like my eyes too, admittedly I don't use them as often as I should, like going to the toilet in the middle of the night, but all in all I like my eyes in my face and not in a rat.

Ratty or ARRRRRGGGHGHHGJESUSGETIMOFFGETHIMOFF as I like to call him, made a bolt down the hall and is currently hiding out somewhere in the lounge. Quite frankly how we can't find something of his size is stupefying.
...it's the next evening now; I have a humane trap set up in the lounge. I'm wishing this desk had a glass surface so I could see if anything was coming near my feet. When I've finished typing this I'm off to eBay for a bedpan.

no apologies, for size is important

edit: now with extra carriage returns!
(Sun 27th Apr 2008, 23:27, More)

» Ignoring Instructions

when i was little
my mum had left a tray of pork scramptions out to defrost (if you're not from the north of england then just assume pork chops or similar).
being too young to read "in natural juices" i of course assumed that this evenings meal was stewing in strawberry syrup.
mmmm tasty.

nope, drank about a litre of pig blood before mum found me.
i'm veggie now...
(Tue 9th May 2006, 13:51, More)

» My Collection

I don't Collect them, i Just can't throw them away...
I have a lot of (low end) specific equipment. This means if I want them to work together I have to use lots of cables.
Like most people I (used to) have a large box or drawer into which I would shove all and any cables into it. It didn't matter if they were coiled, or even individually vacuum packed, because you only had to close your eyes for the time it takes a Chav to purchase a Burberry hat before they become one homogonous lump of frustration. You know how you Gran used to love disentangling wool and stuff? That’s because she was insane, if she hadn't have done that she would have been the next Hitler.

There's no way I’m going to end up with a bobble hat, breasts that warm my knees and a compulsive tendency to invade Poland because a few cables. So, sacrificing a wardrobe given over to bobble hats; I used the clothes rails to hang cables.



They are in order of function. For example, top right you've got mobile phone cables and Ethernet data cables (organised by Cat5, Cat5e and Cat6), bottom right are printer, serial and parallel cables). Top left are power cords, organised by socket terminator (IDC, Figure8 and Compaqfuckinganoyyinglywierdlaptoppowersupply) and then subcategorised into US, UK and Australian Mains plugs.

What me? Anal? naaaaaaaa
(Fri 12th Jan 2007, 23:49, More)
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