b3ta.com user InflammableHound
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» Dressing Up

We were at work one day
...in a telesales office of a Friday afternoon, around 3 of the clock, quaffing warm tea and chatting nonchalantly.
As a little diversion from the phones and spreadsheets, I chose to offer a challenge to my colleagues: I was going to a Halloween party that night, and I wanted a really good, really scary costume idea.
Jill from accounts suggested I dress as a frightening clown, maybe with specks of blood on my face. Oooh, scary, said Diane in sales, I hate clowns.
Pete from marketing suggested I dress entirely in black and attach flat panel speakers to my front and attach a head-worn microphone, meaning my every word would be disconcertingly amplified. Interesting, freaky, everyone liked the idea.
Then Chris from purchasing, a quiet lad, loudly made a suggestion from the other side of the office (an office full of middle aged women, quiet accountants, unassuming receptionists):

"A baby. A baby covered in spunk."

The room went quiet. Everyone pretended to be busy. A sob escaped from Janine in HR.
So that was my costume.
(Thu 25th Oct 2012, 21:20, More)

» Kids say the shittiest things

My 3-year old son went through a period of threatening me
...with such gems as:

-I'm going to call you "beer" and throw you in the bin
-I'm going to send you away
-I'm going to bash you out of the window
-I'm going to put you on a bagel and eat you with salad (a particularly middle class threat)

and, my personal favourite:

-I'm going to threaten you
(Thu 23rd May 2013, 21:33, More)

» Corporate Idiocy

Answer Phone
I am currently in the unenviable position of trying to borrow a large sum of money from a high street bank. As such, I need to call my business bank manager quite regularly. The fact that I am given his mobile number is considered a special privilege - I feel greatly honoured. However, when I call him, I never get directly through to him, I only get his answer phone message.

This is the message:

"Hello, this is Darren Twatface (or similar), of [enter high street bank name] Business Bank, on the [enter that specific day's date]. I am currently unavailable, but if you leave a message I will make sure to return your call within 3 working hours. Alternatively..." blah blah

I have NEVER received a call back within 3 working days, let alone 3 working hours.

So, basically, every day he takes the time to record a new answer phone message making a promise to call back within 3 working hours. Every day he fails to do so. EVERY DAY HE LIES.
(Fri 24th Feb 2012, 23:15, More)

» Where Did It All Go Wrong?

It's all gone down hill here
Since this happened:


(Tue 5th Mar 2013, 23:28, More)

» Biggest Sexual Regret

I've seen
a grown lady/man naked :(
(Sun 11th Dec 2011, 21:07, More)
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