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» Shit Stories: Part Number Two

a soldiers tale
not me.

My best mate is a soldier.

Whilst on excercise at a training base in southern england, they had to camp out for several days and do all sorts of brave soldiery things.

On this particular mission they had to pretend that there had been somesort of chemical attack, and wear protective gear full suit covering everything, and a gas mask)

So one soldier has to take a dump. My mate stands guard for him, whilst he lowers his suit and shits.

He pulls his suit on only to find runny shit going all over his face.

He had shat in his hood, and when he put it back on....oh dear!
(Thu 27th Mar 2008, 21:26, More)

» Personal Hygiene

I went on an overseas trip to central america with my school when i was aged 18.

Unfortunately a young, extremely fucking fat, lady who we'll call 'k' went too. Her problem is that she smells of a mixture of piss, cats, and cats' piss. Oh, and BO.

Luckily for me i didn't have to share a room or tent with it on the months long expedition. My girlfriend, however, did. The stench was repulsive, so wrong infact that we had to wash clothes belonging to OTHER PEOPLE who hadn't even touched her to rid ourselves of this evil.

I had the last laugh though. One afternoon, a small group had gone to a market in the village in which we were staying to fetch provisions. I was at the hostel having a kick around with some other lads. One of the provision fetching group arrives and says "this is mean yet hilarious and if i don't tell you i'll explode"

He went on to tell the tale of how cat-piss-k had got its period in the middle of the village, cried all the way back to the hostel. I'll never forget the image of treking up a volcano and her ahead, wobbling in blood stained hiking shorts.
(Fri 23rd Mar 2007, 19:01, More)

» Out of my depth

Stole my kidney!!
(Thu 14th Oct 2004, 17:36, More)

» Weddings

Me. aged 16. Got wasted. wearing kilt. sick. everywhere. family. not. impressed. fuck.
(Thu 14th Jul 2005, 21:08, More)

» Pure Ignorance

Americans don't do geography.
Now we all know that most Americans know little about the outside world, and they beleive they have the divine right to police the world. We also know that American News tells them bugger all about the rest of the world.


I'm in canada , and i meet these two Americans.
"Where are you from?" They say.
"I'm from Scotland" i say
"wheres that?" they ask, retardedly.
"Its above England"
"Theres a Scatland above New-England?"
"no, no - its above France on the map"
"wheres that?....."

Oh dear
(Fri 7th Jan 2005, 17:38, More)
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