b3ta.com user barbedwiretumbleweed
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» Conversation Killers

But the best one came from young girl
who must have been about 4 years old. I was on a bus in the southern half of Manchester, 1990ish. Young mother collects kiddy from playschool and boards the bus with said sprog. Kiddy's hands are covered in paint. Mother complains. Kiddy replies "so who paints your fingers, Mummy? Is it one of those men you sleep with?"
(Sun 15th May 2011, 1:10, More)

» Made me laugh

I was at the Turin derby last Saturday
as an away (Torino) supporter. When the hated J*ventus fans began their choreography - cue huge flag with their name on it being pulled from pitch level to the top of the first tier - somebody underneath grabbed said flag between the "U" and the "V" and tore a fucking great hole in it.
(Fri 7th Dec 2012, 20:19, More)

» I didn't do it

During a one-to-one English lesson in a (female) client's office yesterday
I definitely didn't suggest watching some English language film on YouTube and then type YouPorn into her laptop by mistake.
(Wed 21st Sep 2011, 7:19, More)

» Kids say the shittiest things

La signora tumbleweed's nephew
Diego (then aged 3). We were looking after the little man for the afternoon and took him to a market - Corso Palestro in Turin, if you're wondering. I will never forget him looking up at me and saying "I like to move it move it".
(Fri 24th May 2013, 8:24, More)

» Cunning Plans

Not my story. Read the Bachelor Home Companion
in which you can find instructions to not hoover the ceiling or to do any washing up at all, ever (that one involves a lot of jelly and digging a hole in the garden).
(Thu 5th Jul 2012, 23:11, More)
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