» Sleepwalking

The same girl
I was only present for the first of these, but they were both amazing moments.

A friend of ours had fallen asleep very early when a few of us were staying at a friends, drinking in that way teenagers do in a house which is only free for an evening. After a few hours, before the rest of us went to sleep, we chanted "get up at six and clean the kitchen" to her - without disturbing her as she was a heavy sleeper anyway. The next morning we woke up to a spotless kitchen and the same friend saying she'd got up really early and randomly decided to clean the kitchen - leaving the other rooms in the state they were in. We felt a little bad about tricking her into it like that, but it saved us a lot of effort.

Another time on a friend's houseboat she again fell asleep early (she was known for it) and the others chatted for a few hours. During a lull in conversation, she sat bolt upright with her eyes still shut and shouted (I'm told with hand motions) "Right - we'll try this again. Ready! Steady! GO!" and on GO fell right over into bed again, sound asleep.

For her, being asleep must be like a mad halucinagenic.
(Thu 23rd Aug 2007, 4:03, More)

» Insults

The other week in our small town
I was quietly eating a sandwich in the street when two chavy types in their 30s I'd assume ran into each other, obviously having previously had an argument. A loud, sweary argument ensued. Basically, one of them had something of the other's, and that gentleman wanted it back. As first chav said "fuck this, I've had enough, I'm fucking off you wanker" or something to that effect, the second retorted "well I want it fucking back!". The first then saw the chance for an amazing comeback that surely would give him the last word and silence his opponent: "Yeah, well my mum wants her virginity back".

I don't think I was the only one to realise that he'd not only had a crap insult but declared to the whole high street "yeah well my mum wishes I'd never been born".
(Thu 4th Oct 2007, 13:02, More)

» My Wanking Disasters

I get caught pretty much daily, but it's never too bad
Though a friend was wanking off her boyfriend when her dad knocked on the door. They threw his hoody over it and let him in. He asked for the phone and left, totally ignorant/unbothered, and she turned back to him when he uttered the imortal words "I've spunked all over my hoody..."

Aparently it took weeks to get out, but there are only a few who can say their cum's reached Nirvana.
(Thu 3rd Jun 2004, 1:02, More)

» Now, there was no need for that...

The morning after a party
A friend of mine was talking to his ex of nearly a year, who he'd spent the last couple of months failing to get over. Still drunk (as continuous booze for 12 hours will do for you) and with things between them awkward, he kept nudging her whenever she turned away, leading to this hillarious exchange:

"Sam, just FUCK OFF, you're really annoying me"
"Ah, there was a time when you didn't mind me poking you"

We all laughed, but I don't think they've spoken since.
(Sat 18th Jun 2005, 13:47, More)

» Pet Stories

During a free house
A few friends were round, watching TV in the living room with the patio doors open for air, but also with the glass panes in front of them so as to not have too much ventalation. You can probably see where it's going - my cat comes in, is terrified at the amount of people (only a few but she was never really a people cat) and shot for what she thought was the open door. Obviously hillarious at the time, but the best bit was that, having opened them to let her out, she refused to believe that she could actually exit this way and I had to drag her through, then she started wandering round the garden wondering if this mysterious blockage would start again. You've not lived till you've seen a cat exploring a garden while questioning the nature of existance and the space time continum.
(Fri 8th Jun 2007, 17:59, More)