Talk Like A Poirot Day

(Tue 19th Sep 2006, 9:12, More)

» Beautiful but Bonkers

There have been many
In fact, enough to warrant this

And I'm not naming any, for fear of being murdered.
(Fri 17th Nov 2006, 17:41, More)

» Restaurants, Kitchens and Bars... Oh my!

I worked in the pub trade/catering
for many years. 'Tis true, the alcohol/drug induced debauchery that goes on amongst staff is amazing. (It's the hours gov'ner honest)

In larger pubs that have accomodation for the staff it's even worse. Oh how I remember the days of two different ladies on one night. Gosh that was a while back.

One story invovled me and the haed chef (I was the second chef at the time) looking at the wrong date in the diary and thinking that we only had half a dozen people booked in that night for food (it was usually dead during the week) so off we went to smoke a couple of joints. More than a couple later a very panicked waitress informs us that we had got the day wrong and we had over 60 people booked in. Have you ever tried cooking many different meals for many different people when you can harldy even stand up? It went really rather well though, no one complained as some people got the dessert twice and were amused by the "two very jolly and friendly chefs" that kept popping from the kitchen to chat.
(Fri 21st Jul 2006, 10:58, More)

» Best Comebacks

Some cunt squaddy
was hassling me and my rather attractive lady in the pub.
He was pissed and abusive, and was generally upset as he was jealous that she was going out with such a skinny, unhunky specimen as me.
I was getting fed up with his jibes and in the end when he said for the umpteenth time "Why are you so skinny?" I cracked, and screamed very loudly
"Cos I've got fucking cancer you cunt!"
He bought me drinks for the rest of the night.
(Fri 30th Apr 2004, 11:22, More)

» Irrational Fears

Noisy eaters
And it's not just a mild dislike, I have to actually leave the room or I'll be ill.. My Grandad was the worst culprit, and also a mate eats like a starved pig.

Weird huh?
(Tue 27th Jan 2004, 13:37, More)

» Terrible Parenting

Mine is quite similar to Scaryduck's original QOTW story
My dad used to see us once every two weeks, on Suturday he would pick us up at 12pm in his rusty transit or whatever rusty old bucket he'd bought from some bloke in the pub that week, then he would drive us to the pub, and leave us in the van.
Every third pint he had, he would send out a bottle of coke and a packet of crisps for us, we would hang out with the other orphans of alcohol in the car park, til we moved on to another boozer for more coke and crisps, then at at 3pm (pubs weren't allowed to stay open all day in those days) so pissed he could hardly stand, he would drive us to his house and fuck off to bed to sleep it off, leaving us with our long suffering but very lovely step-mum.
He would then wake at 6pm, get a bath then piss off for opening time at 7pm

Repeat this for Sunday
I loved it
(Thu 16th Aug 2007, 18:35, More)