b3ta.com user Baggenfrock
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» Funny Stories

I once shit myself when the computer game I was playing didn't have a pause button.
I think I must have been about 13.
(Thu 18th Jun 2015, 14:48, More)

» Weddings Part II

I once went to the wedding of a good friend who was getting married to a real scumbag: I never liked him and didn't really understand what she (a genuinely lovely person) saw in him. The marriage didn't last very long after it turned out he had actually started cheating on her before the big day.

Even so, he was a class above his family who were, how can I put it ... 'of Irish descent'. It started with his best man being too drunk to give a speech, and then the kitty behind the bar was destroyed in less than 45 mins in the most undignified manner imaginable. When they were told they had to start paying for drinks, they threatened the bar staff with violence. The DJ was threatened with his face being cut if he didn't continuously play their fucking diddly-dee bog wog music all night, to which they got more boisterous until the police were called and they thankfully dispersed.

Proper vermin.
(Tue 4th Nov 2014, 10:41, More)

» Dates Gone Wrong

I shat myself on the Central line
I never discovered what the underlying cause was. Norovirus, food poisoning - who knows. Not that it matters.

The train was quite busy and so I thought anonymity would be the perfect cover for a cheeky fart. But no - fuck. All was not right with the world. I glanced at the map in a panic, trying to figure out where we were - I could jump off at the next station, pop to Marks buy a 3-pack of briefs and be good to go again. It wasn't to be though. As I moved towards the door, the feel of my trousers against my legs told me the situation was far worse than I had previously hoped. Time to call a full retreat.

I sent her a text saying there had been some family emergency - and we didn't meet up again. At least on the way home I had the whole carriage to myself.
(Mon 8th Sep 2014, 10:02, More)

» Life Hacks

Travelling to London?
Change your plans: it appears to be populated entirely by spastics, gaylords and coons.
(Thu 28th May 2015, 22:43, More)

» The B3ta UK Manifesto

scrap fees

legalise drugs

leave the EU

send the blacks back to their own country

scrap taxes

lower the age of consent to 3
(Fri 24th Apr 2015, 13:13, More)
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