» Pretentious bollocks

Fucking Hunter
So I was talking about what makes horror movies successful with my "friend" Hunter. It read as follows:
"You see, Digitdean, people go to horror movies because they're a reaffirment of life."
"The hell?"
"Yeah. It makes people feel better about their lives."
"Hunter, I don't really think people have that much time to think about shit like that."
"Look, Digitdean, I've taken classes. I'm going to be a filmmaker. I know what I'm talking about."

No you fucking don't, Hunter. Oh, and by the way, I'm going to be a "filmmaker" too. The only difference between him and I is the fact that I won't be afraid to get my hands dirty, go down to the lowest common denominator, and make fucking millions. Fucking Hunter can film me pissing on him. Fuck.

Yeah. How pretentious is that?
(Thu 29th Sep 2005, 4:08, More)

» The Onosecond

Almost
"How do you get a gay man to shag your girlfriend?"
"Shit in her cunt."

An onosecond is the time between telling the first part of the joke and realizing the room is full of women.
(Sun 29th May 2005, 16:36, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Oh boy...
Q: What do you say to an armless, legless Mike Tyson?

A: "Nigger!"
(Fri 10th Sep 2004, 4:45, More)

» Losing Your Virginity

Erm...
So, we were on this school trip (I was about 15 at the time (two weeks ago)), and my hotel roommates and I had accepted "Insane In The Brain" by Cypress Hill as our theme music for the trip. Now, everyone on this ship of fools was coupling up, so my mates and I tried to find an ideal candidate for a little weeklong fling for me. We arrived at a decision that there was this one "bird" that would be more or less ideal. We stayed up most of the night, alternating between pouring water on the iron and making obcene sexual references/ bad-mouthing ex-girlfriends. They all said "Dean, you've got to tap that or I (we?) will." to which I replied some variant of "yeah". About a minute later (download "Insane In The Brain" for the full effect) I said "don't worry, I'll get insane in her membrane".
...
I never did.
The best part? This conversation was had at about 2AM on Valentines Day. In Dublin. We're from Los Angeles originally, so you get a rough idea of how weird it was.
And I never did lose my virginity, to this very day.
(Thu 3rd Mar 2005, 17:40, More)

» Impromptu Games You Play

You're all in for a treat.
When I was in junior high, my friend crushed a can, kicked it at someone and said "you're gay!". My friends, that was a joyous moment, as Gaycan was formed. Gaycan consisted of about 15 people, every man for themselves, and one crushed can for every 7 people. We'd kick the can, and whoever got hit last was "gay of the day". We even made a little league and championships and stuff. Where it got really interesting was how the various people would play. I saw "Riverdance Gaycan" in which you couldn't move the upper half of your body. I'm sure there were other kinds. Just can't remember them. Guess you just had to be there.
(Tue 30th Mar 2004, 5:35, More)