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This is a question Breasts

Your stories on The Devil's Pillows, please.

Suggested by PsychoChomp

(, Thu 6 May 2010, 13:21)
Pages: Latest, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, ... 1

This question is now closed.

oh (top) bollocks!
Fuck it I'll ask here and see if I get a better response? and it does sort of mention the QOTW and it is Wednesday....!

Anyway, I met this woman a few weeks back, she's 3yrs older than me and ace in every way except the fact that she's just not my type, she's got massive jugs though, not that that's a factor in it at all cause I've no idea what to do with them as explained in an earlier post, (36DD's if you're interested).

As I was saying before I got distracted, we get on really well and talk for hours about shit in general, she likes all the same stuff as me, loves a few beers etc, but can you be with someone you don't really fancy or can you get past that? never had to before, can someone be this shallow?

Nice tits though!

(yes I'm expecting the usual sort of replies, twats!)
(, Wed 12 May 2010, 19:45, 13 replies)
big breasts
I don't particularly like big breasts (although I've fondled my fair share). The biggest problem is that many women with big breasts lose sight of what's below their breasts and think that big breasts somehow make up for being fat. I'd much rather see/handle a nice, small pair of pert breasts with pointy nipples. And taking off a girl's blouse and finding giant, tea-saucer sized nipples is the one of the biggest disappointments known to man.
(, Wed 12 May 2010, 19:34, 7 replies)
Tits ! I've always had quite a pair on me.
Most blokes I've been with love 'em, some haven't though - so why they'd want to get with me in the first place if they don't like big norks is a mystery. You can't exactly, y'know, hide 'em up when they're stuck on the front of you so it's not like they didn't know I had them.

I've been the butt of many a tit joke, but the only really funny one was a few years back when a guy I was seeing sent me a birthday card. On the front was a picture of some blue and white Wedgewood china on a welsh dresser. There were plates, cups, saucers, and a surprising number of those little vessels you pour your milk out of when you're having a posh cuppa.
Inside he'd written,
"Happy birthday, to a woman who - like this card - has more than her fair share of jugs."

You had to be there really but for a tit joke, it was one I hadn't heard before.
(, Wed 12 May 2010, 17:55, Reply)
Bitten on the bust - nearly lost a nipple!
30-odd years ago, I was working at what was known elegantly as a 'Hospital For The Mentally Subnormal'.

Being quite new, I still felt sorry for the residents, or 'patients' as they were known. They had shit lives.

Anyway, one day a young lad of about 11 was standing in a corner, sobbing pitifully.

He had his sweater sleeves pulled down over his hands, and his arms had been then crossed over his chest and tied behind his back with the sweater cuffs.

'How awful', I thought, and walked up to him, murmured a word or two of comfort, and placed an arm around his shoulder.

He immediately turned towards me and bit me, hard and viciously, on the nearest bit he could reach, which was my left breast.

The pain was dreadful. I stepped away pretty smartish and, hoping the incident hadn't been seen, (showing pity for the patients was frowned upon) nipped off to the loo to inspect the damage.

A lump of skin had come clean off, just under my left nipple. There was a lot of blood. I mopped things up and stopped the bleeding as well as I could and went back to work, wincing.

I never told anyone I worked with, as I'd have had the piss ripped forever. Besides, as patients were seen basically as animals I'd have been told I deserved it for showing misguided kindness.

The only good thing was that I was wearing new shoes with slightly thicker soles than usual. In my old shoes, the nipple would've been a shade lower and might've been bitten off.

I still have a faint scar and no, I'm not posting pictures.
(, Wed 12 May 2010, 17:48, 6 replies)
Big pointy nipples
Between being a dole scum and getting a proper job I used to do a bit of temping once spending a week at a Transco warehouse as an assistant to the caretaker. A very important person was due to visit the following week or a "cunt in a suit" as one of the warehouse boys put it and we had to tidy the grounds in readiness. My duties included repairs, picking up litter and sweeping the yard but most of the week was spent gardening. It was winter but I quite enjoy getting down on all fours poking around so I didn't mind the cold.
I'm not sure if the girl in admin was new to the job or not but a good deal of the chat in the canteen (some chairs and a vending machine) amongst the warehouse boys centered on her remarkably pointy nipples. They were big and long and very, very pointy. Must have been around two inches in length and, presumably due to the cold weather, were quite visibly poking through her bra, blouse and jumper offering a handy place for a short sighted person to hang their coat. Breaks would fly by as the witty pickers and packers did their usual comedy routine: one would ask "What's the weather like today?" and another would position his fingers in the nipple area and say "Ping! Bloody cold".
I'm not one for making fun of other's misfortune especially in the workplace, left all that behind at school, it's called growing up. I felt a bit sorry for this girl, a lifetime of having thick twats mocking her lay ahead. She was a pretty girl and I admit to being curious. Just how big were they? What did they look like minus the clothes? Could she do any tricks?
She must have been aware of this mocking. One morning when I was weeding by the canteen door, she came along and stood in the doorway facing outwards. She apparently hadn't noticed me lurking in the bushes tool in hand. She spent some time staring down at her erect nipples which stood out as though she'd got a giant continental type electrical plug down there. She then pulled her top forward and looked down it for a little while finally putting her hand down and effecting some adjustments. At this point she noticed me looking up at her and, I'm ashamed to say, I was grinning like a loon.
(, Wed 12 May 2010, 17:27, 2 replies)
Elderly Scottish Tit Joke
"Och! Dr Finlay! I think I've got heartburn."

"No, Janet. You've just got your tit in the porridge."
(, Wed 12 May 2010, 16:21, 1 reply)
Two local men walking past
One of them with a completely deadpan voice pointed to my house and said...

"that's the house where Granny got her tits caught in the mangle"
(, Wed 12 May 2010, 16:13, 2 replies)
Always carry Duct Tape
I just remembered that part of my answer to "Nightclubs" fits here nicely. Enjoy this partial repost:

"Coeds" had clearly begun as a neighborhood bar, what most of you would call a pub, I suppose. However at some point the horny owner had decided that staffing the place exclusively with buxom beauties and installing a dancefloor and DJ booth would class the place up.

The locals agreed whole-heartedly with the buxom beauty portion of this plan, however the techno-rave DJ dancing appealed to a totally different clientle. This resulted in a full 'shift change' of patrons late every evening when the DJ arrived.

One memorable evening I was having quite a time, chatting up the beauty behind the bar, who was having minor wardrobe mafunctions - to my great delight. The first time caught us both by surprise: she was opening a beer bottle, when her left boob spontaneously (and weirdly) swung down and away from it's matching twin, and popped out the side of her halter top. "Hello!"

Said beauty turned away and adjusted things, her cleavage reappeared and nipple disappeared. "Sorry," she said, "the tape isn't sticking well tonight." Ever helpful, I retrieved a handy roll of duct tape from my laptop case (after several other malfunctions, of course. No need to be hasty.) Things, shall I say, continued to "look up" the rest of the night.
(, Wed 12 May 2010, 16:09, Reply)
After my serious post
I did promise one or two amusing stories as well.

However this first one is not amusing. It is however embarrassing and that might serve as well as humour in this case.

As you can imagine having big breasts they developed early- I was probably an A or B cup at age 11, and a C cup at age 13. This was horrific for a shy child, at an age where most other girls were still entirely flat. It was especially bad for me because I was pretty much a tom-boy- all my friends were male, and even when little I was a climb trees, air-gun toting, run around and play child. However big jumpers, loose shirts and an angry scowl pretty much solved the problem. Except for swimming. In my first year of secondary it was an all girls grammar school with it's own pool- not so bad. After that though I was in a mixed school and eventually just stopped doing swimming at school.

However I loved swimming. It was one of my favourite sports so I began going outside of school. Hunting around one summer (I was 13 or 14) for my swimsuit I couldn't find it. It was absolutely nowhere, and in frustration I searched everywhere, until I eventually came across an old white one that belonged to my mother. My mother was always about a size 10/12 and by the age I was, I was only a cm shorter than her (now I'm about 4 inches taller) and when I tried it on, it fit absolutely perfectly. It was a nice white, with blue trim, and happily I went off swimming.

Unbenownest to me, the reason this swimsuit had been discarded and packed away in the back of a wardrobe was because the elastic in it had perished. So the instant I went into the water it went pretty much seethrough- at the points of most strain i.e. my breasts. Fine when I was in the water, but when I went for the water-slide I was aware of several teenage boys staring at me as though they simply couldn't believe their luck. And on looking down I realised you could see my breasts through the fabric.

I never went swimming there again.
(, Wed 12 May 2010, 16:00, 14 replies)
I hope I am not too late but
I love breasts.
(, Wed 12 May 2010, 15:24, Reply)
Whenever my housemate gets drunk....
Whenever my housemate gets drunk she will walk up to a girl (usually one she knows) and says:
'Have you ever had your boobs weighed?'

When the poor, unwitting victim says no, she says 'wahheyyyy' and jiggles their breasts around.

We love her...
(, Wed 12 May 2010, 14:58, 1 reply)
mary whitehouse turned on the radio and heard the phrase '. .tits like coconuts '
Outraged she turned the radio off and wrote a stiff letter to the broadcaster . She was duly informed that had she continued to listen the next thing she would have heard was

'sparrows prefer raisins '



edit thanks humph
(, Wed 12 May 2010, 12:57, 8 replies)
Surely someone else has used this one...
While we were students my friend, D, actually had success with this:

D: I bet you a pint I can make your breasts move without touching them.
girl: OK then.
(D then reaches out and fondles girl's breasts)
D: well, that was great, now let me buy you that drink...

I never had the cojones to try it.
(, Wed 12 May 2010, 12:08, 3 replies)
I used to work in a bar
It was sort of a glorified whetherspoons, provided pretty much the same drinks and service but costing a bit more to keep the riff raff out. This did of course mean you'd still get some proper scummy people who, because they had a bit more money than the 'spooners, were still right up their own arses.

Anyway there were a fair amount of boob jobs floating around each weekend. Really obvious, badly done boob jobs - the sort that look like they're going to pop.

So it was about 1:30am on a Sunday night. I was tired, I had been there since 11am with only one hour break, and I had finished at 1am the night before (it took me about an hour to get from work to home and vice versa. I did a 16 hour Sunday shift with only 5 hours sleep every fucking week) Anyway I had this one lady approach the bar - she had the most ridiculous boob job I'd seen so far. They were enourmous and stuck out like she had a conjoined twin growing on her chest. With her she had two friends - one fat munter with a gob on her and the other one who kept her mouth shut.

So this girl leans at the bar and starts looking through the cocktail menu, specifically trying to find the list of pitchers. So she calls me over and asks "how much are the jugs?"

I give her a glance and say "I'd say about 3 grand, love."

"What?" She says?

"I said about 7 pound."

"Oh. Can I have a Sex on the Beach then please?"

'... too easy.'

So I make her pitcher, all the while fat munter friend has piped up and has got her camera out. She takes a couple of shots of the three of them as I mix her beverage. Then when I'm finished, fat munter holds out the camera to me and screams "Can you take are pikshar??" I'm tired, I want to go home, but ever passionate about the customer experience and service satisfaction, I take the camera, half heartedly point and shoot, and then hand it back. And then as I clean up the bar, she taps boob job on the shoulder and starts going mad. Screaming at her. Pointing at the camera and going mental.

'Oh god...' thought I. She shoves the camera back in my face and screams "What's the focus on in this picture??" Her boob job friend, like the tart that she was, had stuck her chest out and pouted her lips to pose for the photo. So all it was, was their three heads, correctly positioned in the top half of the frame... and a massive, bulging pair of Double Fs in the bottom half. I protested that I didn't mean to do that, she just pulled a pose, but she was having none of it. She went mental at me. She kept asking, "What's the focus on here? Are you trying to take a picture of her tits?" She didn't see the sheer non-logic of it, surely if I wanted to perv over her, I wouldn't do it by taking the picture on HER camera?...

I protested some more, that I was tired and I didn't concentrate properly, and then she asked me: "Do you LIKE her or something? Do you LIKE her?!?"

"No!!" I declared, trying to ease this situation.

"Oh my God!" she screamed as she turned to her friend "he DOESN'T LIKE YOU!"

'What??' I thought, 'So you're angry that I'm supposedly perving over your friend, now you're insulted that I'm not? How do I win this?' All sorts of obscenities came from the fat munter's lips, and I eventually figured out the solution - I leant in, and declared
"Ladies! Ladies... I'm gay."

"What?"

"I'm gay."

"... You're not gay."

"Yes, I am. I am gay." (I'm not gay.)

"Oh... my... God... you are aren't you! Awww do you have a boyfriend?"

(Shit, might have to prove it...) "No, I've just come out of long term relationship."

"Aww it's such a shame, all the good looking ones are... I have a friend you might be interested in. He's just looking for some fun."

"Uhm... ahem, well, it's okay, I'm not looking for anything at the moment..."

From that moment on, fat munter, boob job, and the silent one were enamoured with me. They came back twice in the night, gave me a big smile, wanted to be my breast, uh, best friend (okay cheap shot, sorry). They said goodbye and declared they'd be back, next weekend, to come see me.

I honestly considered quitting.

I'm not sure what's worse; that while working there, I had to use the 'I'm gay' line three times, or that each time, it didn't take much convincing...
(, Wed 12 May 2010, 12:02, 3 replies)
Your mum loves me squeezing hers.
So does your sister.
(, Wed 12 May 2010, 10:43, 4 replies)
When you squeeze them, you hear a noise
Generally, it's 'Get Off!'
(, Wed 12 May 2010, 10:18, Reply)
Booby Tuesday
Whichever day of the week it falls on, the first warm, sunny day of the year when women wear short/tight/flimsy/revealing tops for the first time is known as Booby Tuesday. Fact
(, Wed 12 May 2010, 10:05, 11 replies)
Our new Prime minister likes them....
Anyone else notice David Cameron having a sly little grope of his Mrs just before walking into Number 10 last night...?!? There was definite hand/boob contact...
(, Wed 12 May 2010, 9:54, 8 replies)
Why is a waist called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of breasts in there.
(, Wed 12 May 2010, 9:02, Reply)
Breast Cancer

Funniest line I heard when Kylie was diagnosed with breast cancer was:

"Thank fuck it wasn't her arse...."

Cheers
(, Wed 12 May 2010, 6:13, 1 reply)
Side Boob! May be nsfw...maybe not

(, Wed 12 May 2010, 4:19, Reply)
Totally NSFW
but thoroughly worth checking out: she needs to get custom bras made.

I don't know whether to fap or scream, so I may do both.
(, Wed 12 May 2010, 1:25, 7 replies)
At a party about 5 years ago...
& my mate Mike had done his usual trick of goin' to bed early with his "mate" Laura, and as usual, we'd done our usual trick of giving them the "Spanish wake-up call" (basically, a gang of you burst into a room, at least one of whom is armed with a guitar. Cue El Mariachi style strumming & high pitched screaming) Anyway, Mike started the ball rolling by covering up his nakedness by pulling the covers over him, completely exposing Laura & quite brilliantly, causing her not to react atall really.

Later on downstairs, Laura comes down wrapped in the party hosts mums dressing gown exposing one of her quite charming charms. When this was pointed out to her, she super ,mega, awesomely whipped the whole thing wide open, full frontal to fuck & wrapped herself up tight. She asked what time it was & after being told it was 8 a.m, informed us that she "Had to be in Dublin in 3 1/2 hours (she was a ryanair hostess) & could not face it sober" & so, proceeded to down the entire contents of a bottle of Rose wine in one go... It's only just hit me know just how much I genuinely love that woman!
(, Wed 12 May 2010, 1:03, 2 replies)
Don't you love the way they feel?
You know, like a bag of sand...

Yeah, boobs. Boobs are great.
(, Wed 12 May 2010, 0:43, 5 replies)
They mostly come out at night
....mostly
(, Tue 11 May 2010, 23:32, 3 replies)
Sort of on subject
A few years back I was a despatch rider in london, so was my friend Mel,a blue eyed blonde with largish breasts,owner of some very tight leathers and not much in the way of underwear.
One day Mel is speeding down Millbank and is pulled over by a bike cop.
Mel went in to her keeping her licence clean routine, bike on the stand helmet off shake blonde hair free, drop zip two or three inches and position said largish breasts on display.
"Hello officer can I help you?"
"Sorry love you're nicked I'm gay"

How we all laughed when she told us!
(, Tue 11 May 2010, 22:13, 1 reply)
My Cache Of Bird Seed
I was in a production of "La Cage aux Folles" where we had to craft our own breasts. I made mine from pouches of bird seed. I was felt up by the stage hand all the time, but without sensitivity to touch, I hardly noticed. The big trouble with bird seed is that after awhile, with all that body moisture, it sprouts and gets fuzzy and messy.
(, Tue 11 May 2010, 21:14, 2 replies)
Let´s see
My breasts are not very big, but they call attention anyway, as my nipples are always very hard. Here is not too much of a problem, because it's always cold, and I wear a lot of layers of cloths; however, do you remember that "terribly" hot summer (more like a nice spring), 4 or 5 years ago?

Well, I went with my friends to the pub. I love cask ale. My friends can't understand that, but we go to the pub anyway, they have some of their silly wine and I enjoy my beer. It was a hot day, so I was wearing a very thin green shirt that I have. You could see my nipples through it. Not that I feel proud of it, but what can I do?

So we get in the pub and sit next to a table full of geeky guys. I love geeky guys. The geeky guys were talking about SciFi, and I wished I could seat with them. One of them was particularly sexy. He looked so shy and innocent I was melting just by looking at him. The problem with geeky guys, specially the innocent ones, is that they are not very brave, so I knew I'd have to do the hard work. I waited until it was his turn to go to the bar and I went after him.

-I heard you talking about SciFi - I said. He was paralyzed. He kept looking at my nipples and didn't say a word. I put my hand under his chin and push it up until his eyes were looking at mine. -How would you like coming to my home now? - I asked. He looked at me in disbelief, laughed and went back to his mates.

I'm not easily defeated, and the way he looked at my breasts made me so wet I couldn't just let him go. I approached his table, where his mates were making fun of him for talking with a girl, and leaned over just enough for them to be able to see the top of my boobs, just above the aureole.

-You didn't replay to my question.
-Were you serious?
-Why wouldn't I?

He grumbled something to the guys about them finishing his drink and run after me to the street. I teased him all the way to my home. I hold his hand and kept his arm between my breasts, squeezing them with mine, making him struggle to talk. By the time we got to my home, he was sweating and didn't know what to do. He looked at my, questioning with his eyes, what the next step was.

I took my shirt of and hold his hands, then pressed them against my breasts, making sure my nipples were between his fingers and playing with them.

That unleashed the beast. He got crazy and pushed me down to the floor. I could feel all the passion and the fury while he squeezed, and licked, and bit, and pressed and griped me. I was unable to move, he was so strong and ardent, until finally, he lost it and bit me too hard. I immediately reacted and recovered the control. Pushed him back and ordered to undress while I got rid of my skirt and my tiny underwear.

I made him lay on the floor and climbed on to him, with my pussy right in his mouth, and started to suck him. Years of repressed hormones and fantasies took control over him and made him mad. He licked me with such fervour I had to stop myself shouting by keeping his cock tight in my mouth. He made me come again and again, until he could hold it no longer and shouted:

-I'm coming! I'm coming!

I dutifully helped him all the way through and swallow. Then, I sat on the floor, looking at him. He was spent, but the look of happiness on his eyes is something I will never forget.

Right, I thought, when he recovers, I'm going to give him a proper, good, old fuck. Then, my job for the day will be done. One virgin less in the city.
(, Tue 11 May 2010, 19:52, 32 replies)
I stare at tits all day, it's embarrassing.
I can't stop,my eyes just gravitate to them. I wouldn't mind, but I'm not even that into tits. When I have a naked pair in front of me, I ignore them and go straight for the foof. What the fucks going on?
(, Tue 11 May 2010, 19:19, Reply)
fwap fwap fwap

(, Tue 11 May 2010, 19:14, 2 replies)

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