An open complaint letter to a house mate
Dear house mate,

Complaint 1: You're excessively loud. Just because you're up at 6am doesn't mean everyone else is. Therefore, there is no need to sing/stomp/slam doors as if it's the middle of the day. The same goes for: just because you crawl in from the pub on a school night and want to watch TV in the wee hours, doesn't mean everyone else wants to listen to shite ITV3 programmes at full volume.

Complaint 2: You steal my food. Buy your own you goddamn thieving pikey. We're not students, you earn more than me, you could afford your own goddamn butter. And it is actual stealing as you don't ask/tell/replace. People go to prison for the act of stealing, does that not tell you something?

Complaint 3: You don't appear to be house trained. Not only do you not know where the kitchen sink is, you don't appear to know where the toilet is either as you're aim is pretty shit. No pun intended.

Complaint 4: You don't pay your way. You live here but you don't appear to think you have to pay for it like the rest of us. Wrong. (I've also just heard you have a hissy fit about not wanting to be the 'keeper of the house bank account' - suck it up, you live here too, someone has to look after it, but not me as I'm not making up for your short fall every month.)

Complaint 5: You have a way of thinking you're not the problem. When any of these issues are raised you're really good at arguing why you're not in the wrong. Wrong again.

The sad thing is that you are in your late 20s. I almost want to have a chat with your mother to find out what went wrong.

Two fingers up from your extremely irritated house mate.
(The cat's PJs If my eyes are closed you can't see me, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 21:33, 7 replies)

That'll learn him!
I'm sure venting your rage like this online will help you solve those problems in real life!
(Clerk T Hazarde are all the wine, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 22:05, closed)

He should get Big Vern to shoot his housemate in the face
that'll show him. No one steals this whiney Pricks butter from the pantry and gets away with it. THAT WAS HIS FIRST MISTAKE!
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 22:27, closed)

Indeed.
Nothing like a fat-fingered online passive-aggressive rant when, you know, you could fucking talk to the person about their poor behaviour like a functioning adult.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:39, closed)

Every house I've ever lived in has one of these
but there's only ever one per house. Can't we put them all together and then have all the normal people living without them?!
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 23:21, closed)

That's called
Big Brother!
(SatchmoR No, mummy, don't put knitting needles in my ears!, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 9:41, closed)

"And it is actual stealing as you don't ask/tell/replace."
you are rik aicmfp
( 4Q just lurking, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 3:08, closed)

stop winging
and move/have him slung out.

no more problems.

(or spell it out for him, if no one has told him he's a twat he might not know.)

-shrugs-
(itsOnlyGoingToGetHairier, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 14:56, closed)