Sleeping Around
In my teens I always wanted to be the type of girl who went out clubbing, picked up some random chap, took them back to my flat, shagged them and chucked them out in the morning without even knowing their name. I wanted to be cool and hip and this is what I thought it involved - being free, adventurous and daring.

The reality?
I was a normal teenager with slightly overprotective parents who wouldn't let me go out clubbing unless it was with my best friend - whose parents were equally overprotective. They ensured we were either picked up from the club or had the taxi fare home and arrived home by the agreed hour.

At the time this was such a drag. On reflection I think it was good parenting - they knew where we were and were allowing us freedom with responsibility and a modicum of safety.

As a result I never ever got to sleep around - I also discovered that I'm simply not 'that type' - I'm resolutely a serial monogamist.

However, when I split up with my ex some time ago I decided to Be Wild for a bit - just to make up, you see.

So I dated quite a bit….interesting concept, dating and one that provided me with a number of disappointments….

#1 Gentle man, looked a bit like Christopher Walken but without the personality.
He told me that being with me was like being slapped in the face.
Never touched him throughout the date and never saw him again.
Conclusion Don't bother with men who are rude and lacking in personality.

#2 Policeman who looked like a hard as nails criminal.
Seemed very keen on me.
Seemed very sexy in a dark and rather bad way.
'Seemed sexy' was as far as it got…..
Huge disappointment…..which was (sadly) the hugest thing about him.
Conclusion Appearances can be deceptive - not hard, not huge.
Always get to know them before you drag them off to bed, then if nothing else you can talk about why the Melty Man keeps coming to visit.

#3 Mr Darcy
Swept me off my feet. Charming, sophisticated, arrogant, exciting and forceful.
Ended up in bed very, very quickly.
First disappointment.
Clearly I didn't take my own advice after #2.
The only man ever to win an argument with me - I found this rather attractive at first…but soon that need (on his part) to constantly be in competition with me suggested a huge chip on his shoulder and a gaping hole of insecurity.
Conclusion Some people are just arseholes.

#4 Bluto
Sweet madman who bears a startling resemblance to Popeye's arch enemy.
Romanced me by singing down the telephone. Quite, quite mad and rather lovely with it.
A roller coaster of emotions over the very short time that we were involved with each other.
Conclusion Never date someone madder than yourself.

#5 UK version of Joey from Friends
Very good looking, very charming, very Saff Lundun wide boy with the ability to make any woman in a fifty metre radius of him drop their knickers involuntarily. And believe me it was worth it.
Refused to tell me how many women he'd shagged - not even how many that week….
He'd been a heavy coke user, sold his body to old rich ladies, broken the law far, far too many times and still had a big smile on his face. Took more chances and risks that anyone I've ever met.
Fantastic bloke as a mate. Entirely toxic as a possible b/f.
Last seen going off to shag some 'Tall Doris' from his gym before he went home to his girlfriend.
Conclusion Sometimes experiences are better secondhand.



So all in all I discovered that Sleeping Around (yeah, I know I was an amateur at it…but that was Being Wild for me) was a real disappointment.

I didn't become cool and hip.

I became cold and had an aching hip.

I could easily combine this with last week's QOTW - don't bother sleeping around, sex is just sex.

But I'd be lying. There is sex and there is sex.

Unfortunately, as I've discovered, there is no way to tell definitely if someone is going to be good in the sack…but there are some giveaway signs…..Looks are not one of them. Neither is height.

I would go into detail as to what some of those signs are….but too many of them read B3ta.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Sun 29 Jun 2008, 13:19, 10 replies)

Oh go on
you know you want to post some more juicy details.
(Bazongaloid, Sun 29 Jun 2008, 13:28, closed)

Oh, it'll all come out....
eventually.

But I'm saving them up for thinly veiled references in the future.

Like the one about the chap with the skinniest ever tackle....I thought it was a stray chippolata that had ended up in bed with us!
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Sun 29 Jun 2008, 13:33, closed)

I was a late developer as a slut.
I never slept around in my youth but after I lost a lot of weight in my late twenties, early thirties, and making friends with a group of younger loose women, I succumbed. The sex was neither here or there really, it was more to do with adventure and having fun. I don't regret any of it and my slutty period only lasted about 18 months but I had a whale of a time.

Still I got it out of my system and wouldn't do it again.
( girlinthehole, Sun 29 Jun 2008, 13:46, closed)

Yep.
The fun and the adventure were fantastic.

The sex was mostly...meh.

But dropping everything (ahem) and going halfway across the country on a whim with someone you barely know....stupid, mad and bloody fantastic.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Sun 29 Jun 2008, 13:53, closed)

I've done just the same
Wasn't really interested in jumping into bed with guys in my teens, then in long term relationships until I was 27 so no chance for sleeping around there so when I ended the last one I went on a bit of a bender that lasted 18 months as well.

Mostly good times, but had some lucky escapes from:

The one who posted a picture of someone else, then wondered why I wasn't keen to stay and chat for more than 20 minutes when he revealed what a tosser he really was, (legged it when he went to the gents).

The one who tracked down my IP address and then from the little information I gave managed to find my small town from 200 miles away and was using the local wifi cafe to stalk me to entice me to "Just come out and meet him" after talking online for two days.

The guy who claimed to have an allergy to latex condoms and I should just trust him that he didn't have any diseases. Sure enough he turned into Mr Droopy whenever he put one on, so I bought some non latex ones and didn't tell him they were different. Same reaction.

The guy who was actually a girl, (not pre op or post op or anything), just a very very boyish good looking woman. While she was lovely and it was fun for a few days, I'm a cock girl so she had to go.

The Peter Griffin wannabe. Very very very goodlooking, but had all the charisma and charm of the dad from Family guy.

The french one. Again, very very goodlooking, but had a habit of shouting 'prostitute' in French when he was about to cum. A bit off putting really.

I'm sure there are more, but they're the ones who spring to mind right now.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sun 29 Jun 2008, 14:31, closed)

More
lady filth revelations please.
I'm taking notes.
( FeralCatMan Unusual disease collector., Sun 29 Jun 2008, 15:42, closed)

s/taking notes/fwapping/

( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Sun 29 Jun 2008, 15:47, closed)

Gah!

"Conclusion Never date someone madder than yourself."

But I am the maddest person I know. Stop spreading this disinformation! Maybe this is my cue to cut off my penis and toss it in the fire.

( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Sun 29 Jun 2008, 16:12, closed)

haha, the melty man cometh!
good coupling reference...

and sometimes the french word for prostitute can kind of be used like shouting "fuck!" or "shit!"...
(notjustahatrack peeling a sausage..., Sun 29 Jun 2008, 16:24, closed)

i became friends with a notorious slapper
when i was about 18. for the next 6 years, we were out every weekend, we pulled every bloke we could, we were the girls that mothers warn their sons about. they were the best years of my life so far.
then i got sick. i couldn't go out, i couldn't do anything, weight piled on.
next month, i will be having an operation that should sort out most of my health problems. once i'm fixed, i'll be out there partying with the best of them!

not with slapper, though, she's now got 4 kids and an uber-pikey fella.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 29 Jun 2008, 22:41, closed)