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This is a question Lead Balloon

Have you tried to be funny and failed horribly? Yeah, join the club. Or have you witnessed someone crash and burn by either being plain unfunny or offensively unfunny? Tell us your stories of sense of humour failure

Thanks to the charmingly named Reginald Donkeyfuck (not related to the Cheshire branch of the Donkeyfuck family, one presumes)

(, Thu 22 Aug 2013, 12:40)
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Perverted Pantsdown.
Not me. A bloke I went to uni with called Chris.

2nd Year, so most of us in the course knew each other well enough to have had a pissy snog in the tavern or shared some ecstasy and a backrub at one of the mixers - what can I say, 90's uni student. Chris had transferred to this course from another uni only just scraping in with the required amount of core units.
Chris was a bit "different". He was quite the party animal and when pissed he thought it was the height of hilarity to 'dak' someone (usually an attractive drunk member of the opposite sex). Dakking or 'pantsing' being when one rushes up an quickly pulls down the trousers/jeans/skirt of an unsuspecting victim and then run away, often leaving them in their underwear or worse if they've chosen to go commando.
This was the 90's so people were a little less free and easy with the litigious behaviour - occasionally a boyfriend or such would jump up and chase Chris (usually long gone) whilst the victims friends would provide cover & assist her in getting her pants back on.
Don't get me wrong tho - what Chris did was pure sexual harassment. I doubt he ever waited till he got home before he pulled his pud out and savoured a jizz-flavoured memory before depositing it in the Wank Bank. He was a nasty perverted little weasel. The kind of guy you wish you carried those antibacterial wipes with you to use afterwards in case you had to shake hands with them.

One person who took exception to Chris was Jenny. Jen was one of the few mature age students in our course. She was quite a tall lady, her legs were long and lovely and very well toned. Her boobs were quite voluminous but didn't seem to move naturally with her body. She also had fairly large hands and feet. To anyone but the fucking village idiot Jenny was clearly a pre or post-op transgender person. No one who knew Jen at school felt any need to talk about her 'situation' and those of us who knew her outside of school never gave it a second thought. At the end of the day she was very easy on the eyes.
Jenny really hated Chris - during tutorials it would be her that hammered him on a particular point that he may have made that was incorrect. When it came to class based assessments she would single him out for his lack of polish in his work and general lack of knowledge in our classes. Chris seemed to be non-the-wiser that Jenny wasn't what she appeared to be - often making sexist comments about her size, the size of her tits and or her husky voice. Which of course annoyed Jenny even more.

Thus Jenny decided one night (at one of the Student Union "Wine and Cheese" nights - a good excuse to eat 'special' brownies and get pissed) to get her revenge on Chris. She wore a nice blouse with no bra, which was quite tight across her lovely breasts and some loose happy pants. She knew anecdotally that loose pants were one of Chris's favourite victims in dakking - easy to pull down quickly.
Chris of course got pissed and then started scouting for a 'pantsee'. Very quickly he noticed his nemesis with her nipples poking out and in a pair of loose pants no less. He snuck drunkenly in for the kill. And then he went for it, diving in and yanking Jenny's pants down.
To be met with the sight of Jenny's semi-turgid 8" dick. Clearly Jenny was enjoying this.
Rather than his usual dash Chris seemed to be stuck and having not got his usual dose of lacy knickers or white granny undies he all but got slapped in the face with a a well built blokes cock.
Jenny leaned forward and said in her best husky tranny voice and with great aplomb - "Baby if you're not going to suck it why did you pull my pants down?"

That provided Chris with the impetus to get up and go. Which he did. No one saw him for a few weeks and the last anyone in our course saw of him was when he came in to defer out of that course for a year.
(, Fri 23 Aug 2013, 9:55, closed)
never happened outside your depressingly low-ambition little fat head

(, Fri 23 Aug 2013, 10:33, closed)
Calling me a liar?
Step carefully now and consider any untruths you may have posted here.
(, Fri 23 Aug 2013, 10:37, closed)
this never happened and you're a fat loser

(, Fri 23 Aug 2013, 10:52, closed)

True or not, who gives a tinker's cuss? It's GOLD!

If I may, dear author, I would like to re-tell this story some time and attribute it to you. May I?
(, Fri 23 Aug 2013, 11:19, closed)
Go for it you
Fucking nitwit. ;]
(, Fri 23 Aug 2013, 11:22, closed)
well at least we've torn down the stereotype of ozzers being witless oiks with a mental age of twelve

(, Fri 23 Aug 2013, 11:31, closed)
Any Aussies wish to step in here?
Oi(k), oi(k), oi(k)!
(, Fri 23 Aug 2013, 11:55, closed)
nah
they'll all be sipping pissweak fosters and desperately manhandling each other in a vain attempt to take the edge off their repressed homosexual urges
(, Fri 23 Aug 2013, 12:16, closed)
This entertained me.

(, Fri 23 Aug 2013, 12:46, closed)
Probably lies but at least it made me smile.

(, Fri 23 Aug 2013, 12:59, closed)
How many years later did you marry Jenny?

(, Fri 23 Aug 2013, 13:40, closed)
SIXTY-NINE, DUDES!

(, Fri 23 Aug 2013, 13:44, closed)
I got as far as "I went to uni"

(, Fri 23 Aug 2013, 13:53, closed)
Your poor reading skills
really aren't my problem.

Maybe you should login as ringofyre - I know he can read.
(, Fri 23 Aug 2013, 21:08, closed)
... he whimpered at 4am on a weekend

(, Sat 24 Aug 2013, 11:39, closed)
I'm not really seeing what (local) time or day
I make a post here is of any relevance.

You're tenacious like shambo -just not as arrogant and a bit thicker. Don't know whether that's a good thing or not really. It's 2013 local time as I post this - jsyk.
(, Sat 24 Aug 2013, 13:13, closed)
That's the year, dude.
:)
(, Sat 24 Aug 2013, 13:58, closed)
just pointing out that your life is so fulfilling that you get up in the early hours on saturday to whine on the internet

(, Sat 24 Aug 2013, 18:28, closed)
Strangely enough
when I wake up early in the morning, whether it's because my bladder is full of boiling piss or because I've been up all night grinding my teeth to come up with "that perfect zing" - I tend to do some quiet activity, like browse websites, do some coding work or quietly watch TV so as not to disturb the other members of the household.
I see it as being considerate but since you put it like that then yes I must be really pathetic because all I wanted to do was come and mash some reply to someone here!

Having done many, many jobs that involve early starts I tend to find that I'm naturally an early riser. Don't know if that relevant to your masterful zing or not. It's 0450 atm btw.
(, Sat 24 Aug 2013, 21:51, closed)
christ shut up you feeble prick

(, Sat 24 Aug 2013, 23:53, closed)
top response, right here.
it's just on 0741 here btw.
(, Sun 25 Aug 2013, 0:41, closed)

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