I forgot about Waterboy!
Waterboy (real name Nick) used to come into the cinema where I worked. He was in his late thirties but had a mental age of around nine or ten, lived with his parents who cared for him (despite letting him out on his own), and mostly just spent his allowance on cinema tickets. He didn't fully understand the idea that you bought one ticket to see one film, watched it to the end, then left, so he would frequently leave halfway through with cries of "don't like that one". He would then change his ticket for another film (we often let him get away with this because he didn't really undertsand). Sometimes he would just come in and engage in utterly inane conversation with members of staff while a queue formed behind him and we tried to get rid of him. He had absolutely no concept of subtlety, grace, or propriety, but was for all intents and purposes a harmless individual. His worst crime was occasionally staring down women's tops and dribbling (he had no idea why this was a bad idea - frankly, I'm on his side there), or asking a perfect stranger to guess what was in his bag. This almost got him into trouble once or twice.
So, why "Waterboy"? Well, simply put, he used to have a fetish for films with water in them. His routine for purchasing a ticket would be to point at the list of films showing and ask the following questions: "What's that one called?", "What's it about?", "What time's it start?", "What time's it finish?" and "Has it got water in it?" He would do this over and over for as long as it took for the victim of this insanity to ask him in the politest possible terms to either pick a film or let the person behind him have a go. He would ask each question of each film in a completely random order, asking the same question several times for each film, until he finally bought a ticket. Then he'd go through the same routine with the person who took his ticket at the door to the screen.
One day the water fetish came to an abrupt halt, when he left a screening of "Titanic" in a state of some disarray with the immortal words "That's got too much water!" Strangely, he really liked "Waterworld".
Classic stuff.
(The Ghost of Stephen Foster, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 22:33, Reply)

The Locals of the Los Angeles Bus system
One is the bluesman, an old black pimp that dress in leather, year round and grumbles what sounds like a blues song. he rides the bus back and forth to Pasadena and Hollywood 24/7/365.

The other is Vivian. An aging toothless punk rock man, turned drag queen. Complete with black lipstick, knotted wigs and huge Implants. It sits on the corner singing with a guitar songs about rape, hell and other strange and scary things.

last is the dog man, he's from the halfway house for nutters in my neighborhood. He sits in dirty sweats, stinking of piss and ripple on the wall behind the bus stop to the college. Every once in a while he charges at male passengers waitng for bus and barks at them.
(La Chockita, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 22:26, Reply)

Local nutters..? Bah..
This post is probably going to be the most pathetic on here but here goes..
In the height of summer, i had just left my boyfriend at the pub for the evening and decided to make to make my way home alone. This crazy old bat, who wears carrier bags on her feet and a poncho, had been hanging around the local supermarket (of which i have to walk past to get home) trolley park for a few months but have never thought anything of it, until tonight.. I'd just sparked up my last fag for the jourey home and proceeded to throw the empty packet on the floor, when i then heard hysterical screeching from behind me. I turned round only to find this mad old woman come flying at me with one of the shopping trolleys, thinking she was shouting at someone else i turned round and carried walking, only to be shunted with said trolley right in the back of my legs, which hence to say, knocked me flying! But that was not enough for her, oh no.. she proceeded to beat me with my discarded fag packet, shouting and screaming the whole while never, never drop litter..rather embarrassing to say the least, but not as embarrassing as the day after when i walked into the pub with a black eye and my boyfriend had told everyone exactly what had happened.. oh the shame..
(Ellgoatie, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 22:22, Reply)

I can think of two local nutters we have around here.
The first is a pretty standard gibberish-talker who will relate various non-sequiturs about his day to anybody passing by, even if that passer-by is imaginary. He owns a small boat, which he keeps in his tiny front yard and has probably never been near the sea. He also owns a sheriff's hat with a big shiny star on it and a pair of boxing gloves. He goes out for walks wearing just these items, shorts and sandals. His only purpose on these walks seems to be to practise wearing the hat and gloves.

The second is a guy who seems to have Tourette's Syndrome, which would be fairly boring but for the fact that he only speaks Arabic. He therefore spends his days standing outside his relatives' imported food store expelling vowel sounds at tremendous volume and smiling genially.
(The Ghost of Stephen Foster, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 22:09, Reply)

as Chrico allready said
theres a completely unmusical guy in canterbury who cant play for his life, but he's very entertaining, and last time i saw him, he was wearing enoumrous green dinosaur slippers, theres a woman who walks around ramsgate affectionately entitled "taz lady" who aparently is perfectly sane, but has a speech impediment and gets very frustrated with people laughing at her spouts of Tazmanian Devil language, punctuated by explicit swearing, i saw her produce and throw a lemon at a flower seller once, it was very funny, then theres the guy that wheels himself around ramsgate in a wheel chair with his legs :S piching himself backwards all the way, theres the the guy who wears a hat with "bert" written on it who danced at the bus stop for pennies and can often be seen bobbing on the spot in the middle of town. Theres also the scary guy who looks like he dries his hair with a blow torch, allways looks dirty and picks up fag butts of the floor and laughs constantly... if i think of anymore i'll tell y'alls
(The Cosmic Boy Zombie (Formerly Pirate Cat), Thu 16 Sep 2004, 22:01, Reply)

The Statt Family.
Not just one local nutter, not two - but a whole family full of them, who I encountered during my time at college back in the 1980's, in Consett.

First up was Ken Statt. 17 years old , total fruitcake. Used to be in the Btec First Diploma class, stunk like a sewer, never washed, looked like he had a chip-pan full of grease in his hair. Always wore a massive leather bomber jacket, and a hand-written t-shirt with 'ABBA' on it (even such detail as to reverse the two 'B's in 'Abba' like the band logo). Abba constantly on his Walkman. Always sprinted everywhere, even the shortest distance. Got caught trying to burn the college down by setting his own locker on fire so no-one thought it was him! Compulsive fruit-machine player....more on this in a bit.

Next up was his elder brother Rob. He was completely hatstand, permanently sedated and was in the college's special needs unit. Insisted he was actually film character Rambo, and demonstrated the fact by having a very large patch sewn onto another large leather jacket, identical to his brothers. Never said anything at all except "RAMM-BOOOOOO" in a pretend deep-voice.

Now, Ken's fondness of fruit machines landed him in trouble when he nicked his mothers holiday money (rumours vary as to the sum, £300 to £600, but still a substantial amount), and he ran away from home. But not too far, only around the local pubs to play the fruit machines, then sleep rough locally.

His reign of freedom came to an end right in front of our eyes in the local college pub when, as he took his customary place with a half-of-coke at the machine, his mother had sneaked in another door...we thought to confront him...but his equally bonkers mother produced a table leg from her shopping bag, and beat the living crap out of him in front of a pub full of punters!!!!! He was given quite a royal twatting from his mum (actually put in hospital), but we couldn't stop laughing, she kept shouting in a shrill voice "Kenny you little shit! Little f**king shit!", followed by a hollow 'dink' as the table leg hit some part of his body!
(Charlie Baked Potato, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 21:58, Reply)

Those bloody squirrels!
A while ago i was having a formal dinner in the summer with a rather pleasant family. Everything was fine, the food was nice and the wine flowed freely. The big sliding doors which led out of the dining room and into the plush garden were open. Were chatting away nice and civilised when the next thing you know a squirrel scurries past the window. "That little bastard!" screams the man at the head of the table (shockingly my then girlfriend/partners father!) and pulls out a high powered air rifle. What proceeded was lots of ducking as he started firing wildly out into the garden from across the table.. i seem to remember he had some rather posh job.. who would have guessed!
(SteroidPigOhurugu, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 21:57, Reply)

A dinnerlady at our school . . .
was a nutter!

At Junior School we had a dinner lady called Mrs Agnue. A fearsome old Northern-Irish battleaxe.

One day I was on the playing fields with my friend and asked him what the time was just as Mrs Agnue walked past.

"Don't ask him the time!", she screamed at me, "It's very rude!"

At the time I just assumed she was mental in the way that *all* adults are mental when you're a kid, but now I see that she was truly deranged.

(And for years afterwards I genuinely believed it was the height of rudeness to ask someone the time.)
(MrC. Having the most boring username on b3ta since 2004, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 21:50, Reply)

On irregular weekends
I dress up as a creepy herpid festering old tramp, but with a skintight superman shirt n red pants over my piss stained track suit bottoms. I then sit next to people to make them feel arkward about moving away. Then they go away and wonder how shit my life must be. BUT HAHAHAHAHA JOKES ON THEM; ITS ONLY LIKE THAT ON IRREGULAR WEEKENDS!!!!!!!!!cunts
(lifelikeandposeable, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 21:50, Reply)

In Newcastle
we used to have an old bloke who was COVERED in badges who used to have one of those kids telephones with wheels on his hat and would always sing "lets twist again" in a high pitched voice. I've quit LSD since of course
( GeordieSteve, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 21:49, Reply)

They dont make em like they used too...
When i was a kid any visit to the local park wasn't complete without a visit to the old knackered bandstand, where, sitting alone, barefoot, on a bench, you could enjoy the perormance of a 12 hour 'invisible air drum solo' performed by............loony tunes!
our resident nutter!
(DumbBeau, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 21:46, Reply)

This doesn't really
live up to many already posted, but is still a bit odd.

In the Portswood area of Southampton there's a rather short, plump guy who always carries a pad of paper. All he seems to do is wander around waving over people to read the writing on his pad of paper. Obviously this draws sympathy as people assume he doesn't speak english and the paper says "where is the chemist?" or something.

Oh no. It's total gibberish. Pure unfettered nonsense. I have no idea what his agenda is, nor what he thinks it says.

It's more than a little scary when you realise it is nonsense, and wonder whether he's going to try to kill you. Cripes...
(Nothing to see, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 21:44, Reply)

We have a harmless old nutter that comes into my local bar.
His name is Mike, and he's homeless. He can often be seen wandering the streets of Costa Mesa talking to lampposts. About twice a month, he has money for 1 beer and comes into our place. He talks to the bar rail about how his day is going, it usually involves waking up, walking around and talking to his "friends" as the lampposts apparently talk back.

He's due for a visit soon.

Then we have another weirdo who comes in, tells everyone she is on day release from College Hospital (mental hospital), takes her pills with 4 beers then pukes into the sink in the ladies. Bitch. Whenever she is in the pub, I use the mens toilet.

Edit: And I've seen the guy dressed as Wonder Woman in San Diego as mentioned on page 2.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 21:34, Reply)

pub schizo
there's this guy who sometimes sits at the bar of my local pub. he's schizophrenic. whenever he's there he's just sitting there all by himself having discussions with his alter ego. now that's not so unusual itself, i've met more people like that. what makes him more interesting is that he switches between his two personalities frequently. often he'd be aggressive and shouting swear words for about fifteen minutes until all of a sudden he's pulling a friendly face, mumbling something to himself and then bursts out into the most charming laughter for what seems like ages. in that state he's really shaking with laughter, tears running down his happy face and anybody witnessing this cannot help but laugh along with him. after a couple of minutes it's all over and he goes back to being aggressive and swearing again. never attacked or even touched anybody ever though.
( account88888 former cynic, converted to kindness, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 21:29, Reply)

I live right next door to a mad, old Russian
who drinks huge glassfuls of vodka with every meal, and spends most of his free time screaming at either:
a) his wife, or
b) squirrels

Usually it's squirrels. Sometimes he throws stuff at them, but he's very freindly and harmless, provided you're not a squirrel.
(give to ian, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 21:28, Reply)

Celebrating my first proper Halloween when I was six,
my brother and I were out begging for candy to the local neighborhood. Towards the end of the night we approach this big, posh-looking house complete with white paint and Greek columns, when a strange old man with wily eyes comes to the door.

"Now, before you can have some candy you have to tell me...What's this?"

He held up a picture of a strange animal resembling a deer.

"An antelope." I said.

"No, this is a waterbuck. It's a waterbuck. A waaaa-terrrr-buuuuck..." This continues for several minutes, at which point I gave up and left. I never got any candy.
( Digeridude Lord Wellington's Beef Trapeze, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 21:21, Reply)

feel mary
Feel Mary is the local character.

'Feel' means 'Wierd' or 'mad' in aberdeenshire.

so anyway Feel Mary lives opposite me. she's mid sixties and rides her bike EVERYWHERE. she's been spotted right out in the countryside with it.

she's a strange character, skirt, purple trainers, and rain jacket donned she heads down to the local school one day.

she takes a harmonica with her and proceeds to make noises with it, dance and lift up her skirt at amused teenagers.
(ben_1903 www.crackout.tk, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 21:16, Reply)

In Luton...
There's the guy who walks around singing about Jesus, the guy who walks around laughing, the guy who talks to a toy mobile phone (not even realistic looking).

My favourite is the guy my mate encountered on the way home once. He asked my mate to give him a hand getting home as he was paryleticlyu drunk. My mate helped him a few steps and the guy said 'here it is' and he climbed into his house... In a tree by the side of the road!
(Chom, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 20:57, Reply)

well..
i used to see this old woman walking up and down the road when i used to go to primary school, she had a zimmer frame and a goatee
(newcustomerserviceteam, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 20:46, Reply)

Local Nutters
Guy you see now and again in Asda, Bedminster. 60's, slicked back hair. Always well dressed with a bow tie, wear a large wooden (I think) cross around his neck and rides a push bike, so wears trouser clips. He's harmless, and pleasant enough.

He also thinks he's the King of England, and goddammit, I say we raise the flag and let him lead us to victory over those usurper Windsors.
(KittenPervert, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 20:43, Reply)

Scatty Patty
Another one for ya. A mad woman who lives on my mum's estate, who walks around with the most garish clothes on.

Once took exception to someone's kid saying hello to them and decided to keep them in the public telephone box as she stood outside with a knife for two hours :o)
(reefus-, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 20:27, Reply)

Hartlepool United
There's a fella that goes to all the Hartlepool United home games.

His mother died about five years ago and since then he's gone a bit scatty. He has been banned from the home areas of the ground, but comes to the games wearing a dress and hat in the colours of the away team and stands in the away end!
(reefus-, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 20:24, Reply)

Vroom man
There is this guy who stands along the road and immitates the soud of passing cars everytime oen goes by. It's kind of cool.
( DaSchop gippie, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 20:24, Reply)

There was a man
who used to prowl about the place and look for young men he could 'talk to'. I am fairly certain he was a hairy hoof. Not that there was anything wrong with that. I noticed one day that he used to cover up his bald spot with some kind of runny black stuff - spray on hair I thought. Nope. Fucking Kiwi Shoe Polish! On hot days it used to dribble down the back of his neck and stain his collar, he was a well off old boy, or seemed so - not your average nutter, he was very well spoken and upper crustish. He was murdered at 5am at a bus stop trying to touch up an immigrant lad who battered him round the hid with a handy stick. The lad only realised when the nutter stopped moving that the stick had a 6 inch nail in the end he was using to batter him around the head with. He was either deported or languishes in a (the) Maltese jail.
(washing_machine, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 20:22, Reply)

Wears bright red high heels.
Black stockings.
A large, furry leopard print coat.
Thick lines of black eyeliner.
A smear of scarlet lipstick.
and a big, white Father Christmas beard.
(Nearly, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 20:17, Reply)

not local, but sat right next to me as I type...
ok, Im gettin really scared now, so by the time you read this Ill probably be stuffed into a flowerpot outside, arse up an soaked in "the best non-alcoholic beer I ever tasted".
Well, I asked if I could use the computer next to him. Now Ive been here for 2 hours and just signed on. Everytime I look away he tells me more about conspiracies and how the British Royal family are direct blood relations to Bush AND Kerry ("theyre cousins, dont you know", who are both raging homosexuals, with raging homosexual wives and adopted children that are alcoholics (this guy is American). Hes so far insulted me on 3 levels and made me a wee bit paranoid about flying and hidden cameras. First he went on about Pagans (he thinks theyre phallic worshippers and Satanists), then about gay people and bisexuals ("thats where porn comes from" "theyre perverts") and the British (theyre conspirators and plan terrorism and wars). Im a British, Pagan bisexual. AND HE STILL KEEPS TALKING! Hes just asked me who Im talking to and how much Im paid and when I didnt answer *tries to look engrossed in monitor and away from scary man* he GRABBED MY ARM AND TURNED ME TO FACE HIM. Now hes telling me how Kubrick was murdered and that Eyes Wide Shut was a documentary.
Weirdo. Apologies for length.
*edit* changed my mind hes lovely (let me have the fast computer)
*second edit* he told me he pees blood. *shudder*
(carpediem, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 20:13, Reply)

horse fetish
When i was youngish and 18 my cousin who worked for the the local fuzz told me about a women who used to get arrested for impaling herself on large vegetables whilst watching horse riders in the park.
I thought this was crap / till she did usual corrupt police thing and photocopy her file... shame she wasnt fit and i wasnt a horse (no that wasnt the cousin)

just a 63 year old women is like too much pushing necrolust...

see im not such a sick fuck

Slackness
(Slackness, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 20:12, Reply)

cornflake man
so called because he used to whar a cornflake box on his head. he used to scare us kids....think he got locked up for kiddy fiddling....
(purrecious, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 19:58, Reply)

Umbrella Man
Yep, germany also has nutters.

But the only one I know of is known as 'the umbrella hobo' possibly because he lives in a hut made out of umbrellas, cardboard boxes and newspapers. His hut is at the edge of the forest that I live near. His entire day consists of him screaming how he works for the city and gets nothing and that everybody should get off his property.

At my holiday in greece I also met some fairly odd people. One of them being a scary, odd looking, and constantly smiling man that played on a harmonica (poorly) and poked you with a plastic cup until you gave him money.
(GiveMeMyLiverBack, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 19:41, Reply)

Not nuts, but rich.
Years ago in Cambridge, there was a guy known as "the blanket man". A portly fellow who looked like Santa with his beard trimmed, he would always be dressed in blankets held onto his body with string "belts".
He never shouted obscenities at anyone (I don't know anyone who ever saw him speak) and never appeared to be drunk, but god knows why he chose to dress this way as, unlike many of the apocryphal tales, the man was minted.
He was a renowned local artist whose paintings sold for around £3,000 each.
Oh, and the "deaf and dumb" guy mentioned below, who "shouts" at people, appeared to make a miraculous temporary recovery one day, when I saw some guy grab him up and put up against a wall.
I'm not advocating beating up the disabled, but if it worked for him, its worth a try surely :)
(genghis26, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 19:35, Reply)