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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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'ning o/t
today is not going well.
firstly, i slipped on a cushion on a laminate floor in my lounge, thus falling and spannering my knee, elbow, and dignity.
Then to compound matters, i realised the reason i was feeling unbalanced was that i had odd shoes on. not odd socks, odd. chuffing. SHOES. one adidas shelltop, one black nike running trainer. spectacular even for me. thanmkfully JUST before i left for work, or i'd have em on now.
How has friday sapped your will to live thus far?

alt: when did you last cause an 'oh for fuck's sake!' moment?

alt alt: mix me a drink, fuckers. and no horse semen.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:19, 155 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
Swipe, did you really need to create a new account?

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:21, Reply)
if i had bewbs
and the capacity for multiple toe-curlers, ask yourselves, would i be here right now? #wouldifuck
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:23, Reply)
how could you confuse my original wide victorian mellow oak floorboards with laminate?

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:32, Reply)
Cushions? ON THE FLOOR???

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:21, Reply)
your mum came round
insert standardised kneepad gag here
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:24, Reply)
My Friday was going shit
But I just read your tales of Woe and now I am full of joy and happiness. Thanks mister!

When are you going to get your arse down to Cornwall? the wife keeps talking about sticking the kids in the kennels for a night and coming to visit you and the wife.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:26, Reply)
Who is UDP?

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:26, Reply)
pete l'oaf
as was, is, and ever will be.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:30, Reply)
Graphic designer...not been here for a while?

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:32, Reply)
bing.
o.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:33, Reply)
She won't have sex with you yet she's trying to arrange swinging parties with UDP?

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:27, Reply)
if you'd seen us both
you'd understand :D

*hides from irate phil*
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:33, Reply)
Nah I agree
I hope the girls have as much fun in their room as we do in ours
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:45, Reply)
there is hopefully
a repatriation plan for late summer. kinda birthdayish time for me.
hoping to get a week. may bring reinforcements.
as ever, you are welcome in my humble home as long as you bring scrumpy pasties and lube.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:29, Reply)
Not if they put VAT on pasties!
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-cornwall-17473688

We have a spare room now if you need a place to crash!
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:34, Reply)
Where will the oven glove sleep?

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:35, Reply)
The oven glove has its own room

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:39, Reply)
the DORTY FEKKERS.
shit on em. shit in their back teeth,as the spanish insult goes.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:47, Reply)
Spare room
With either a double or two single beds. I built a wall you know
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:52, Reply)
Even cornish pasties with carrots in?

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:48, Reply)
Oh they are the best ones
Like the ones you get in Greggs
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:50, Reply)
MUST
CONTROL
FIST
OF
DEATH!
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:51, Reply)
not gonna bite. nope. not gonna.
THERE@S NO FECKING CARROTS IN A CORNISH PASTY YOU FAAAAHKIN CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHNT ahem. sorry 'bout that./
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:52, Reply)
Yes there is, look!

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:59, Reply)
Laminate flooring? You frightful povvo
alt: when I read about your laminate flooring in your "lounge"

altalt: Gin martini with a twist, olives are for plebs
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:26, Reply)
WTF is wrong with laminate?
Or does your 1 bedroomed flat have imported rainforest hardwood only?
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:27, Reply)
Oak flooring, thank you very much

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:28, Reply)
I can't wait until I'm the sort of person that boasts about flooring.
One day... one day.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:32, Reply)
Not boasting, simply answering a question

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:33, Reply)
There was an overt smugness, of Vipros levels.
Now tell us that you're not being smug, you're just very happy with your flooring.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:35, Reply)

I'm not being smug, I'm just very happy with my flooring/life/place of residence/wife/job/surfing ability/band
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:38, Reply)
The average price of a house in his road is £1.2 million, he reminds everyone of that at least once a month

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:38, Reply)
actually that's detatched only
you can geta semi for £800k
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:39, Reply)
I get a semi for a lot less than that
HAHAHAPENISJOKE
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:40, Reply)
Off street parking?

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:40, Reply)
Sometimes

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:40, Reply)
It's a right cunt paying 800 for a shitty terrace or semi and there ent no fuckin off street parking

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:42, Reply)
tru dat,

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:43, Reply)
He only lives in one room though

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:40, Reply)
It's about right for most half decent areas in London

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:41, Reply)
which is why I have to live in one room
like some some of "Irishman"
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:42, Reply)
I should really rub the role reversal in you terrible oppressor of 800 years

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:43, Reply)
They're headed back to the 'peat and potato age' at teh moment
with no help from us at all
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:44, Reply)
U2 are bringing out a greatest hits soon, we'll be alright

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:46, Reply)
Have a joke about the Irish
A professor of Spanish and a professor of Gaelic met at a conference and began discussing the relative merits of their respective languages.

‘Tell me, ’ said the Spanish professor, ‘do you have a Gaelic equivalent for the Spanish phrase mañana, mañana?’

The Gaelic professor thought for a while, then replied, ‘No, I do not think that we have in Gaelic a word that conveys such a pressing sense of urgency’.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:47, Reply)
Thank god for the Englishmen bringing us their 'Protestant Work Ethic'

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:49, Reply)
Civilising the world
one set of savages at a time.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:50, Reply)
I feel we need to have another go at it really

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:52, Reply)
Yup, they seem awfully elastic
leave them to their own devices for a bit and those bogtrotters and sambos descend right back into slovenliness and begging.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:54, Reply)
gizza a job guvna

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:55, Reply)
excuse me
but i said it first.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:52, Reply)
It's what aspirational working class povvos have in thir right to buy council hovel
IT@SDISGUSTING
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:31, Reply)
i'd describe myself as middle class.
i can't be workign class, i ain't gotta job. innit. bruv.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:32, Reply)
The working class don't work, the Caauncal estates are full of 'em
I feel dirty now, you fucking aspirational laminate peasant
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:36, Reply)
i kid
i have a perfectly good job, thanks
no inbound taxes for me, only outbound walletrape.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:46, Reply)
worse
it's not even my flat.
and it's not real laminate, it's the mostly plastic clickstep shite.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:30, Reply)
sounds beastly

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:30, Reply)
on the upside
with a well timed moonwalk in the right kind of socks, you can generate enough static to lightly taze intruders.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:31, Reply)
It's better than the ghastly wood effect linoleum
I have in my place.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:33, Reply)
I've just found out that Faith No More - FAITH NO FUCKING MORE - are playing Sonisphere in July
Why did none of you cunts tell me this?!
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:34, Reply)
Well, I can't speak for the others
but I didn't tell you because I neither knew nor cared.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:34, Reply)
Because we're cunts?

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:35, Reply)
They were hoping you wouldn't come.

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:35, Reply)
What, Faith No More were hoping I wouldn't come?
After all I've done for them?
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:44, Reply)
Because I told you about Combichrist, meaning I don't have to tell you anything for months.

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:39, Reply)
I'm still very grateful for that
But seriously. Faith No More. All Christmases, etc
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:41, Reply)
I think tickets have sold out
soz
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:42, Reply)
Even day tickets?

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:42, Reply)
yep
especially day tickets
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:44, Reply)
really?
the download lineup SPANKS it. like a redheaded stepchild.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:45, Reply)
It's all about Bloodstock for me
Download have managed to balance with the best and the worst bands going.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:46, Reply)
I bet that is full of really ugly people

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:52, Reply)
Yep, made even worse by the fact I'm there.
Far fewer knobheads though.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:53, Reply)
+ with comedy t-shirts

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:53, Reply)
true, which is good considering there's always clashes. means less clashes i care about.
also looking forward to the one song crowd then mass exodus/shattered dreams of stardom effect when europe play, a la house of pain at sonisphere a while back.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:53, Reply)
Last year?
I left even before that, they were fucking awful
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:54, Reply)
yup.
i can't remember when i left. shit i barely remember that day.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:04, Reply)
We left 2 songs in to get a good spot for Parkway Drive
Was worth it
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:06, Reply)
Bloodstock?
That sounds like the kind of place that's full to the fucking gunwhales with men wearing eye makeup and studded collars.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:55, Reply)
*nose/pointy gesture*

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:57, Reply)
The perfect place to "accidentally" drop a daisy cutter.

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:58, Reply)
If this is a fart joke I shall be unimpressed.

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:59, Reply)
It's a form of crowd control device favoured by the US military

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:01, Reply)
An excellent weapon
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BLU-82
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:03, Reply)
Too right.

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:03, Reply)
that's exactly what i thought he meant
*mistrusting kroney fives*
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:08, Reply)
It's an outrage

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:09, Reply)
no
we've just both seen your arse.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:17, Reply)
Woah woah woah
You have not seen my arse.

Obviously Crow has.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:21, Reply)
i didn't mean your gaping naked hairy arsehole
just having met you is sufficient to know you could cut a daisy in half at 300 yards
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:25, Reply)
I am appalled at you.
Your Northern is showing. Kindly put it away.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:28, Reply)
Wakestock for that.

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:59, Reply)
I suggest Hood-Butter-stock would be best for that.

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:02, Reply)
You'll get far more of them at Download than you will at Bloodstock

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:58, Reply)
Have you tried Beefstock?
It's a bit more versatile
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:00, Reply)
Officelol

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:01, Reply)
I wasn't going to go to either
But FAITH NO MORE are playing Sonisphere
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:01, Reply)
Excellent!

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:41, Reply)
Day tickets are £82
Ouch
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:42, Reply)
Still.....

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:45, Reply)
They're shit.
I prefer Simon Weston's new band 'Face No More'
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:50, Reply)
Hahaha

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:51, Reply)
shock and indeed horror

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:51, Reply)
I'm tempted with the
Spirit of '77 event in Bath.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:54, Reply)
That looks alright.

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 11:56, Reply)
I ought to take a screen grab of this.
I posted something about music that you didn't call bent.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:00, Reply)
Alright, if you're bent, I meant to say.

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:00, Reply)
I went
To see Pop will eat itself last night. The was pretty bent.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:12, Reply)
They were pretty bad first time around
I imagine having reformed once down on their luck they were terrible.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:17, Reply)
About ten years ago I allowed a friend to persuade me to see a reformed Wonder Stuff
God that was depressing. I didn't even like them when they were at their "peak"
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:20, Reply)
That's nothing, Rick Witter lives near me.

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:29, Reply)
You live in Shed Six?

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:31, Reply)
Endorsing this post.

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:32, Reply)
I was Going for Gold with it
*deletes account*
*kills self*
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:35, Reply)
Don't give in to the Bully Boys

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:43, Reply)
tango takes it up the 'Rick Witter'.

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:45, Reply)
He only gets it Half Way Home though

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:46, Reply)
You seem to know a lot of Shed Seven songs.

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:48, Reply)
*whispers*
They are my guilty pleasure, after cat rape
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:51, Reply)
I'd put the cat rape bit in big bold letters to draw attention away from the other thing

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:54, Reply)
No.

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:33, Reply)
In fact I moved out.
I left it on Friday.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:40, Reply)
I do hope it didn't ruin your weekend

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:43, Reply)
Not in the slightest.
I was pursuing rainbows.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:44, Reply)
I had High Hopes for this thread

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:45, Reply)
I think a Shed Seven pun subthread is a new low for us all.
Someone start a new thread and we'll say no more about this unfortunate event.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:48, Reply)
*nods*

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:48, Reply)
I bought their first few records.
Bent indeed.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:24, Reply)
I still have Dos Dedos Mi Amigos knocking about somewhere.
It gives me a headache.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:25, Reply)
I had 'The Black Country Chainstore Massacre EP'
I gave up on them following their cover of 'Beaver Patrol' which wasn't bad.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:26, Reply)
your name came up in conversation last night
immediately followed by the phrase "fucking bent".
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:07, Reply)
in the nicest possible way

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:08, Reply)
Who were you out with?
My guess is 'my dad'.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:10, Reply)
you're not far off there, actually
heh
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:13, Reply)
Posting from the train, right?
Good lad.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:00, Reply)
That would be great if it had good music.

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:03, Reply)
It'll be good whether then bands are any good, anyway.

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:04, Reply)
I think that's what I meant.
I ruddy love Bath.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:06, Reply)
You don't smell like you do.

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:06, Reply)
paul simon is headlining hard rock calling this year, performing the entire graceland album
i thought you'd like that, monts?
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:07, Reply)
I love his cod-African stylings.

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:10, Reply)
BUT IT'S A SEMINAL ALBUM
actually i love his early stuff. but it's purely sentimental rather than musical; reminds me of childhood trips in the car. this is also why i still think "rumours" is the best album ever made.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:13, Reply)
It's a semenal album, you mean.

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:15, Reply)
oh cum on

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:16, Reply)
don't be such a dick

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:16, Reply)
You have some balls to talk to me like that

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:21, Reply)
your impotent rage is not doing you any favours here

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:22, Reply)
I admire your spunk.

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:25, Reply)
where is batter(ed) anyway?

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:33, Reply)
Probably standing on a box somewhere, earning his SIX FIGURE SALARY!!!!!!

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:35, Reply)
silly dozer
that is not a pun about spunk.
(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:37, Reply)
I love it when you're mean to me.

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:39, Reply)
somethingsomethingnobgag

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:26, Reply)
I hope you get the sack.

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:28, Reply)
sounds like you need a hug mate, best wishes x

(, Fri 23 Mar 2012, 12:17, Reply)

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