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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Yeah morning.
Today is the second day of my being shortstaffed, one more day to go.

Selfish cunts with their 'illness' and 'holidays'. I just hope that 'they' bring in that legislation soon where you can fire cunts with ease. Right? Couple of undeserved sackings and none of them would dare have a day off again.

Yeah.

Alt: I had chilli squid for dinner last night and it was fucking ace. Do you like chilli squid? If not, you must be some kind of GAY. Are you? Are you some kind of gaylord?
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 8:31, 202 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
We're short staffed at the minute, but that's mostly down to people leaving, and not having been replaced yet
We've lost 4 staff over the last two months, but only hired one. Add to that one member of staff is off on what could be long term leave, and it's starting to get a little strained.

Also, bacon is the breakfast of the gods.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 8:35, Reply)
I might have a peanut butter sandwich in a minute.
This 'power-walk' shit I've been doing lately sho' nuff makes a niggah HONGREH of a morning.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 8:37, Reply)
"Ah sho am hungreh"
Why not have some ribs instead?

Also, peanut butter? I'm ashamed of you Monty, that stuff is vile.

I'm yet to try chilli squid, although I do have a rather nice recipe for it.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 8:38, Reply)
How do you know it is nice if you have yet to try it?

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 8:41, Reply)
It's a recipe I can't see being anything but nice
Make spicy stew, take off heat, add squid, serve immediately.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 8:42, Reply)
'Gimme a rib'
Chris Rock's finest hour right there. I really fucking love that film, but then I am a huge blacksploitation films fan, and collected their soundtracks for a bit. 'Shaft in Africa' is one of the best - despite the film itself being fucking awful.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 8:44, Reply)
I tried watching it a while back, but it was a bit too bizarre at the time
Shall give it a try again sometime soon
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 8:46, Reply)
If you don't know the original films which are being parodied you might struggle.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 8:51, Reply)
That will be a problem then...

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 8:59, Reply)
I'm not a gaylord, I just don't like seafood.
I'm always a bit scared that I'm going to lose my job waitressing. Not that I'd be unhappy about not having to waitress anymore, it's just I need the job to support myself and jobs are a bit thin on the ground here.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 8:40, Reply)
I was called into a meeting yesterday where they asked me 'Why do you think you're here?'
I was a bit panicked, as I've been keeping my nose clean recently, but it turns out they were just winding me up, and they needed to ask me about another member of staff's jobs.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 8:43, Reply)
Big Punisher's zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 8:44, Reply)
I didn't know Battered worked for you?
Alt: Chilli, yes. Squid, no. Gaylord? I don't think diet can contribute to this either way.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 8:40, Reply)

It can if your diet is poppers and cock.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 8:43, Reply)
I'll bow down to your superior knowledge in this field,
but I'm sure that comes more under the heading "lifestyle" than "diet"
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 8:45, Reply)

Yeah well right now I'm eating Shreddies, no cocks anywhere near my mouth!
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 8:45, Reply)
Do a lot of 'bowing down' do ya?
I say you do.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 8:46, Reply)
Not if Bobby is standing behind me.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 8:47, Reply)

I thought you were a girl?
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 8:48, Reply)
Hippy/girl
Tomato/tomato.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 8:50, Reply)
"It's not gay if I thought he was a girl"?

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 8:51, Reply)
Is that why you keep gazzing me pictures of your cock?

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 8:50, Reply)

Obviously.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 8:51, Reply)
*nods*
Damn right yo.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 8:45, Reply)
Never had chilli squid but I like chilli and squid so sure,what the hell.
Off to my exam shortly. Can't really be arsed as it's such a nice day already.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 8:42, Reply)
Good luck, nigga.
(if it's an English exam you fucking need it)
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 8:46, Reply)

English and Maths, got 100% for English on both practice papers. I know how it works.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 8:48, Reply)
Cheating, right?

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 8:50, Reply)

Ha, fuck off, right I need to go now so try and be nice to the other children today Monty ok.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 8:51, Reply)
I promise nothing.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 8:53, Reply)
this is a great idea!
the first person they should sack is the moaning cunt who whines and bleats about people being off on the pat.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 8:47, Reply)
'On the pat'?
Is this about Irish navvies?
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 8:51, Reply)
pat and mick = sick
fucking hell, wake up monty!
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 8:51, Reply)
Rod Stewart'szzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
I'm not a real cockney, unfortunately. Despite being a 'face' in my 'manor'.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 8:52, Reply)
Oh shit.
The sole of my right sneaker has just almost totally come off.

Fucking German shit cunt bollocks.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 8:57, Reply)
You need some crocodile shoes.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:05, Reply)
Oh dear.
In other news. Home made ANZAC biscuits for the win!
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:05, Reply)
I fail to see how this helps me.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:09, Reply)
They make great soles.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:10, Reply)
Nah they just taste really good.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:11, Reply)
You eat shoes???

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:13, Reply)
In her culture they are a delicacy.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:14, Reply)
Australian culture, now there is an oxymoron.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:16, Reply)
No, I eat ANZACs.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:15, Reply)
It's incredible

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:21, Reply)
the fuck is an ANZAC?

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:17, Reply)
It's a biscuit.
They were made by the women in australia during the first and second world wars when food rations were in place. It's like a oat, flour and golden syrup mixture that gets baked. Really tasty.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:20, Reply)
does it stand for something? why did you do all capitals?

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:25, Reply)
She was shouting.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:28, Reply)
flaming gallah

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:32, Reply)
Aussie National Zoological Anal Copulation.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:28, Reply)
i don't think thats a thing

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:32, Reply)
looked it up myself
Austalian and New Zealand Armed Corps apparently

prics
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:41, Reply)
Tie your laces around it.
I had a flatmate who did that as he couldn't bear to part with his baseball boots even though the soles were hanging off. It looked well cool.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:08, Reply)
It certainly sounds like it.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:10, Reply)
Beating off the girls, he was.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:11, Reply)
'girls'

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:15, Reply)
He did actually manage to pull a rather hot girl.
They spent the next 6 months rutting as though the survival of humanity depended on it. I know this because his room was above the lounge.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:26, Reply)
Maybe you should wear proper shoes like an adult

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:20, Reply)
OMG! I had chilli squid for dinner too last night.
What are the chances, eh?
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:06, Reply)
I bet yours wasn't as nice as mine.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:08, Reply)
The squid was fine; the company was horrendous.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:10, Reply)
OMG SAME HERE!!!

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:12, Reply)
What are the chances, eh, etc.?

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:13, Reply)
Innit blud.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:14, Reply)
You had dinner together, didn't you?

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:15, Reply)
yeah 'dinner'

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:19, Reply)
Yeah, it was more than dinner. There was booze too.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:21, Reply)
....and inherent racism

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:27, Reply)
Morning Monts
I don't "do" ill. I've only had about 8 days off in 20 years, and 5 of those were enforced due to swine flu restrictions at work.

Alt:
Chilli squid is the fucking tits! NOM NOM NOM
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:14, Reply)
Surely bovine flu is more of a problem for you?

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:20, Reply)
Stupid fucking pigs

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:22, Reply)
Chilli squid ftw!
Speaking of gaylords - anyone see the Gok cooks chinese programme last night? Food looked excellent!
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:15, Reply)
I missed it. I will watch it tonight I think.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:24, Reply)
Seafood is rank apart from fish fingers and taramasalata
I'd fire any that says "No to cuts", then I'd cut them with a spoon
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:20, Reply)
No mussels, prawns, lobster, scallops?
YOU FOOL
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:23, Reply)
mussels are the worst, they look like alien cunts and taste like the hull of a trawler
actually I like prawns, lobster meh and scallops meh
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:24, Reply)
Scallops seared in butter with pancetta is one of the nicest things I've ever eaten
I'm longing for mussels cooked in beer, tomato, chilli and coriander now
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:26, Reply)
I've never had it, but probably; I like seafood
to be honest, if we weren't already short staffed at work and I wasn't burdened with morals, on a day like today I'd seriously consider ringing in sick myself and going and reading a book in a field with cider and ice cream and not enough clothes.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:32, Reply)
Oh man, I sure could go for a day like that.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:59, Reply)
Me too
but sadly I'm at my desk at work doing tedious data entry again instead of outside getting sun-giddy.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:02, Reply)
you should hire a scivvy to do it for you

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:06, Reply)
I AM the skivvy
sad times.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:12, Reply)
oh, well stop moaning and make me some tea then

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:14, Reply)
I'm inside with all the windows closed and the curtains drawn
LIKE A BOSS
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:07, Reply)

BOSS sad pasty internet shut in
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:08, Reply)
Rainier? Is that you?

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:11, Reply)
I'm a very good driver, very good driver yaaaaarhhh

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:14, Reply)
There is something seriously wrong with you.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:14, Reply)
You mean the way I buy expensive sunglasses and then hide from the sun?
Nah, I'm *quirky*
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:17, Reply)
We've got three people on maternity leave with a fourth due on the starting blocks pretty soon
As long as the resulting sprogs aren't sporting my patented 'suave monobrow'* when they're paraded around the office I should be in the clear.

*neither patented nor suave.

Alt: I've never had squid. So I'll default to 'some kind of gaylord' for now. Sound like something I'd like. Er, chilli squid I mean, not being a gaylord.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:32, Reply)
here i am trying to educate you all, make this a better place
and nobody ever bloody listens
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:46, Reply)
I'm listening Q

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:51, Reply)
I'm not

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:56, Reply)
who even cares about naked ape?

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:59, Reply)
My mum caresm she says I'm cool

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:05, Reply)
and don't you ever forget it, ape-y

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:06, Reply)
thanks sporto, you're the best
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1621775
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:58, Reply)
I fucking live chili squid, I do naughty things with a bit of calamari.
The trick to remember with squid is that you _could_ eat it roar, so just dust in flower and get a smoking hot pan, the moment that crust is formed, you're done.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 9:57, Reply)
i saw a video of some japanese thing where they were eating octopus legs
but the legs were still alive and crawling out of the bowl
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:00, Reply)
roar?
i love you gonz
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:01, Reply)
apparently octopus legs don't need a brain to know they need to move around and find food
imagine that, intelligent legs

you could send them down the shops for your lambrini
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:02, Reply)
my legs do very well at getting champagne bought for me in bars, thank you very much
now THAT'S intelligent.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:10, Reply)
thats exactly the opposite of intelligent

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:12, Reply)
YOU'RE exactly the opposite of intelligent
so ner
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:14, Reply)
yeah well your exactly the opposite of an octopus leg

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:15, Reply)
this is one of your more accurate statements

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:21, Reply)
you got no suction baby

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:26, Reply)
as i'm never ever sick, and insist on coming to work even when i am
i agree with monty. nuke the hypochondriacs and give me their salaries.

urrrgh, no. squid is fucking rank.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:02, Reply)
Most of them work for the public sector 12 days V 10 in the private sector
although 10 is fucking high as well
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:05, Reply)
10 days a year off sick?
are you fucking kidding me? I don't think I've had that cumulatively in ten years!
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:07, Reply)
same here, me and you are the only reliabel workers in broken britten
i had 2 days off last week, probably the first time i've been ill in 15 years
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:08, Reply)
imagine eating live octopus legs, NA
imagine them all trying to escape your plate as you stuff them down your throat

apparently some people have died from the tentacle suckers sticking in their throat as they desperately try to cling to life
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:07, Reply)
I heard this true story yeah, about this woman who put a lobste tail first in her twaqt
then held a lighter under it to makle it squerm but it had little lice in it and they crawled out and lived in her fanny
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:11, Reply)
shut up that never happened
(got pics?)
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:12, Reply)
Sure I'll gaz you some Lobster bumholes

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:13, Reply)
public sector don't know they're born
that's what
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:10, Reply)
in much the same way as detached octopus tentacles don't know they're dead

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:11, Reply)
The "Bruce Willis" effect

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:13, Reply)
there probably is a similarity
flailing rather uselessly around complaining a lot about cushy conditions....
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:14, Reply)
.... someone must bite, surely?

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:15, Reply)
i don't get it

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:15, Reply)
chompy and AL aren't here

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:16, Reply)
i was thinking more of CQ
is he still around anyway? not seen him in a while.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:23, Reply)
wait a minute
LIKE YOUR BIG FAT GAY BOYFRIEND

ZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:20, Reply)
if i had a boyfriend it might zing
as it is, i'll just add it to the pile and bring it out next time i have a use for it?
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:22, Reply)
i don't know what you're geting at
are you saying you use gay men for sex?
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:23, Reply)
no
i am saying i will reserve your zing and i will bring it out and burn myself with it when i start dating the next victim.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:28, Reply)
so that we can mock you for dating another gay man?
why not jsut date a straight man so you don't get mocked?
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:29, Reply)
i could do that
i'll think about it
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:31, Reply)
maybe let your legs decide

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:32, Reply)
Good advice Quenders

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:34, Reply)
it won't work for you
you need to carry on dating gay men
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:40, Reply)
Thanks mate
Sound advice
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:48, Reply)
I've been off for 3 days this year already, but that was unavoidable, and I used holidays for that
On average, I think I've only had 1 or two days off per year I've been here.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:13, Reply)
you look pretty ill in that photo on flickr

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:17, Reply)
You try having a camera flashed on you from right up close in your face, see how you look.
Also, that was last year.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:17, Reply)
MAYBE I WILL

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:38, Reply)
I had french bread pizza, it was alright.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:20, Reply)
I disagree.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:23, Reply)
It must have lost something between me throwing it in the bin and you picking it up to eat.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:24, Reply)
Hahahah
I thought the pubes added a pleasant crunch, actually.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:26, Reply)
I miss adam :'(

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:20, Reply)
I do hope he's not ill.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:23, Reply)
they do throw those frisbees pretty fast
oh god i hope he hasn't been hurt
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:24, Reply)
First Battered, now Adam. WHO IS NEXT?

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:25, Reply)
[MOD EDIT]

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:26, Reply)
i could make a couple of suggestions

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:31, Reply)
taht naked ape for a start

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:34, Reply)
i love teh ape

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:35, Reply)
*prepares cock gaz*

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:36, Reply)
+r

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:40, Reply)
He's terrible.
I tried to sell him to /Links.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:35, Reply)
But I'm pure gold not silver

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:37, Reply)
^ THIS kind of post is precisely why they wouldn't even take you off my hands for nothing.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:39, Reply)
That post was excellent and witty

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:41, Reply)
Don't worry everyone. I found some old-skool Pumas in my filing cabinet!

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:28, Reply)
and some cougars in the admin dept
AMIRITE?
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:29, Reply)
HELL YEAH*


*shit no
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:35, Reply)
yeah, big cats and alphabetisation rarely go well together

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:39, Reply)
You wanna employ a octopus for that
their legs can get on with the work while they make tea
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:42, Reply)
and they're intelligent to boot
i like the way you think, NA
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:43, Reply)
SPEED OF THE PUMA!

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:31, Reply)
Pooma

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:37, Reply)

pooma
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:43, Reply)
eyes of a hawk

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:46, Reply)
strength of ten tigers

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:48, Reply)
WRONG TAHT WAS MANDRAKE (i meant phantom)
strength of a bear
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:49, Reply)
I'm going to make a cup of tea, does anyone want one?

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:30, Reply)
yes please, strong, milk no sugar
thanks
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:33, Reply)
It's just brewing
Don't let me forget to go back and pour it.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:35, Reply)
Don't forget to go back and pour it, Tango.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:36, Reply)
Don't forget to go back and pour it, Tango.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:36, Reply)
Don't forget!!!

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:38, Reply)
ALRIGHT I'M GOING NOW!

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:38, Reply)
mine's a bit too hot, can you make it a bit colder please

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:43, Reply)
*borrows a 'stirrer' off Kroney*
that should work
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:45, Reply)
Get us a hob nob as we;ll

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:38, Reply)
You haven't forgotten now, have you?

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:38, Reply)
I forgot what a massive gaylord you were, but then I rememberd

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:39, Reply)
Your tea is here, Quentin.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:51, Reply)
it's too hot

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:00, Reply)
Simply allow it to cool off
It won't take long.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:02, Reply)
Yes please
Strong, as little milk as humanly possible, no, even less than that, in what world is that strong? Ah FFS, just give me the fucking thing.

Useless bastard.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:39, Reply)
I want it the colour of a sunburnt Sri Lankan

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:40, Reply)
Darker than a Nigerian after a house fire.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:43, Reply)
As black as Monty's soul

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:43, Reply)
as black as the cupboard where they kept me for years and fed me pins, pins, PINS

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:45, Reply)
how dark?
as dark as darcus howe
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:46, Reply)
haha!
Oak floored I hope
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:46, Reply)
blacker than a guiness drinking Somalian's shit

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:44, Reply)
This is the correct way to take your tea
But I'm afraid you're too late for this round.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:53, Reply)
I just farted and my daughter giggled at me
I'm so proud!
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:46, Reply)
How old is she now?

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:47, Reply)
10 months, she just has two bottom teeth beginning to emerge

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:48, Reply)
have you seen that youtube video
"baby scared by his own fart"

is v funny.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:02, Reply)
i saw one with a kitten

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:03, Reply)
New thread please, this one sucks.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:53, Reply)
But Nakers is telling us about his daughter!!!

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 10:55, Reply)
is she fit?

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:00, Reply)
No

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:03, Reply)
fuck her then

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:03, Reply)

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