oh hai!
I nearly stood on a bird yestarday and the cheeky fucker shat on my step. When was the last time you stood on an animal?

alt: salt and vinegar or cheese and onion?

alt alt: BRAINFART!!!
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:25, 73 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

You're either displaying a sense of irony
Or /talk has imploded. Again.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:47, Reply)

i use hedgehogs as slippers

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 23 May 2012, 18:52, Reply)

You must have very small feet
I reckon hedgehogs are only about size 3.

Evening Cavy.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Wed 23 May 2012, 19:01, Reply)

i have big hedgehogs

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:05, Reply)

salt and onion
Vinegar and cheese.

Yeah, think about that for a while
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 23 May 2012, 19:19, Reply)

Mind = blown
Is the Dhama initiative involved in some way?
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 23 May 2012, 19:37, Reply)

daimler are in talks about it as we speak

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:36, Reply)

Cheese and onion all the way
Though I once had a brain fart and brought salt and vinegar by mistake. God-damn it walkers why did you swap the colours of the packets around in 1994? I cant keep up!
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 23 May 2012, 19:22, Reply)

What the hell is wrong with you? I thought you were a scientist
and science PROVES that salt and vinegar are far superior
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:01, Reply)

I'll take em both lol
On a serious note I hope that whoever came up with the walkers sachet flavour in a bag of plain crisps gimmick got the sack, cos that was fucking shit.

Also space raiders were fucking shit.

But not scampi nik naks
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 23 May 2012, 19:28, Reply)

I think I can sum up today in a blues song.
Yeah', I woke up this mornin'
Ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum.
And I was late before I begin
Ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum.
YEeeeaaah', I woke up this mornin'
Ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum.
Shouldn't have closed my door in
Ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum.
YEEEAAHHHHHH So I woke up late,
Ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum.
Missed the train and saw it leave the gate.
Ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum.... dum dee dum de dee.

But I'm off to my dream job.
Ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum.
But it's not what I thought it was.
Ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum.
I got my credentials in PHP
Ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum.
but they're making me code in ASP.
Ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum.
YEAH', I'm pretty hot in jQuery
Ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum.
Didn't realise that's the only skill I'll see.
Ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum.... dum dee dum de dee.

I finished my first client site,
Ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum.
I got the PSDs into CSS/HTML, just right.
Ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum.
YEAH', I finished my first client site, I announce with glee.
Ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum.
But then it dawn'ed on me
Ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum.
I'll have to finish off using ASP.
Ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum.... dum dee dum de dee.

So I picked up some japanese on the way home,
Ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum.
I don't wanna cook and I'm all alone.
Ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum.
But then after I went to the cashpoint
Ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum.
Point being I pressed the 10 squid buttons.
Ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum.
Got greeted with 'Insurcient funds'.
Ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum.... dum dee dum de dee.

YEAH', today it sucks to be me.
Ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum.
I'm only on my job day three.
Ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum.
Two more days 'till the weekeend.
Ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum.
I'll have some more tablets by then.
Ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum.
YEEEEAAAAAH', to day it sucks to be me.
Ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum.
A PHP coder who's learning ASP.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 23 May 2012, 19:45, Reply)

Aw.
Listen to this, it'll cheer you right the fuck up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kyuzlr_6VXs&feature=relmfu
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 23 May 2012, 19:48, Reply)

ooh lovely
nice and upbeat
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 23 May 2012, 19:53, Reply)

We like Katzenjammer
www.youtube.com/watch?v=aswXKmV0wDo

I think a few hours on Katzenjammer would please me a lot.

White Denim on 6 at the moment - I'm seeing them tomorrow. Hurrah!
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Wed 23 May 2012, 19:54, Reply)

They were just on TOTP2
I'd never heard them before, but they seem really sweet girls. And fun to bop to.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 23 May 2012, 20:07, Reply)

They've been around for a few years.
Scandanavian - never seen them live but they're on my "to see" list.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:10, Reply)

0o0o0h, I like that.
=)
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:34, Reply)

I've been on the piss since 12
Just got home, I will be walking to the chinese takeaway round the corner in about 15 mins.
That is all.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 23 May 2012, 19:54, Reply)

Keep living the dream

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 23 May 2012, 19:56, Reply)

I have low expectations
And I regularly fail to live down to them.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:05, Reply)

How did you manage to get served aged 12
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:24, Reply)

12!
40 years ago. I remember being 12, it was great! No alcomahol but great.

*wanders off mumbling 'I remember when all this was just fields' etc etc*
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:43, Reply)

Just this second
Am out dog walking and shortly will be having some lovely lovely beer
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 23 May 2012, 19:56, Reply)

Might buy some beer when I op to the shops later

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 23 May 2012, 19:57, Reply)

You post whilst walking the dog?
That's sacrosanct time for me.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:12, Reply)

Jeff posts whilst doing worse things to dogs.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:26, Reply)

I have this feeling - just a thought, like - that Jeff has never fucked a dog in his life.

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:28, Reply)

but the internet said he does, and the internet also said bert fucked his sister so I think it's true.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:31, Reply)

Well it must be true then
Carry on.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:36, Reply)

THE INTERNET DOESN'T LIE.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:37, Reply)

I tell terrible lies and I'm on the internet
ergo - you're wrong!

Alt - Which lies?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:42, Reply)

You do tell whoppers, like Al is lovely irl.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:44, Reply)

I have met Al IRL, although I have little recollection of the event.

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:48, Reply)

Found the origin of his username the other day.
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post813695
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:37, Reply)

You've got far too much time on your hands Woodside.
I remember Jeff's old username. He was a very funny O/T contributor.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:47, Reply)

He still is, is the userformerlyknownasMullered.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 23 May 2012, 20:53, Reply)

I meant QOTW
But yes, he was Mullered.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:56, Reply)

I vaguely remember Mullered
I didn't realise that was Jeff.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:07, Reply)

I have often wondered about the origins of his name.
Good find. Well done.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:52, Reply)

I cycled over a dead squirrel week before last
it was grim.

Salt n vinegar all the way. For someone who loves cheese and likes onions, I have a peculiar hatred of cheese and onion crisps.
(berk, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:30, Reply)

OMG, I've come up with my iPhone idea that I'm going to build.
I call it "Little Playbook", and it's going to be an app where people can upload/download "plays", with pictures and facebook. A 'Play' is some kind of chatup line/technique, and they can rate them too. It'll let you post them to social media if they want to too.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 23 May 2012, 20:49, Reply)

Hope it makes you a shitload of cash

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:07, Reply)

I will give you twenty pounds for 75%.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:41, Reply)

Evening all
Is anyone here, or are you all outside?
I've been drinking in the sun all afternoon.
I can't account for any small insects that got stood on during this.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 May 2012, 21:51, Reply)

I'm about to go to bed
Day off tomorrow for me which will be spent weeding and planting.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:04, Reply)

I had my day off today
There was no weeding or planting.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:06, Reply)

You need a garden.
I love my garden.

White Denim tomorrow night too. Topper.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:10, Reply)

I have a garden
I just can't be arsed to do gardening.
I pay a man to do the hard work instead.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:12, Reply)

You don't know what you're missing
Mine is becoming a work of art. Possibly a Rothko, but I'm happy.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:15, Reply)

Evening Spaz-hammocks.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:52, Reply)

Evening Jeffrey.
I'm loldrunk. How are you?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 23 May 2012, 22:56, Reply)

I'm bang on b3thany.
Why are you a bit wobbly?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 23 May 2012, 22:59, Reply)

Two massive vodkas.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 23 May 2012, 23:00, Reply)

What was the occasion?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 23 May 2012, 23:01, Reply)

I can't unclench my jaw, and it really hurts.
I think it must be down to stupid amounts of stress. I thought maybe having a drink would loosen me up.

It did. Especially my legs.

No, that sounds rude.

I mean my walking muscles.

No, that's askng for a strikethrough.

Let's just say I'm fucking hammered.

You're not just in from work, are you?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 23 May 2012, 23:05, Reply)

I got in about ten(ish).

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 23 May 2012, 23:33, Reply)

Ah, the time Sean Connery likes to turn up for Wimbledon.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 23 May 2012, 23:48, Reply)

Sup boyo.
I have to work tomorrow, this is shit news.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 23 May 2012, 23:05, Reply)

I wish I had work.
Though not necessarily tomorrow.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 23 May 2012, 23:06, Reply)

It's 28 degrees here tomorrow!
On the plus side no one I know is free, I'd rather be working than sitting in the house doing nothing. And I can sit in the office garden which is very nice. I'm not going to do any actual work.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 23 May 2012, 23:09, Reply)

Think of the coin Baz.
It's the only reason any of us bother.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 23 May 2012, 23:33, Reply)

I do need money.
Seeing as I was forced to buy a bag for 160 quid today against my will.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 23 May 2012, 23:41, Reply)

Ouch.
What was the story behind that?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 23 May 2012, 23:44, Reply)

He saw it
and thought 'I want that'. Either that or he bought it for his missus.
(berk, Wed 23 May 2012, 23:45, Reply)

Or it was a nose bag full of ketamin.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 23 May 2012, 23:49, Reply)

I went into Liberty because there's an APC bag I was thinking of getting.
I asked if they had it as I couldn't find it, they said yes and took me to it, it was behind the till. Asked if that's the one I meant and I said yes, as in yes can I look at it, and before I could blink he's scanned it at the till and telling me 'that's 160 pounds please sir'. I was too embarrassed to correct him so just went along with it. It's a nice bag to be fair, but I don't want it. The missus works round the corner she's gonna take it back for me on Friday. I'm never going in there again, the sales staff are ruthless.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 23 May 2012, 23:54, Reply)

not one reply, what a cunt!

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 23 May 2012, 23:51, Reply)

I like steak and onion.
I know this doesn't answer the question proper, but I felt I had to share.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 23 May 2012, 23:54, Reply)

you just stay true to yourself DG

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 23 May 2012, 23:58, Reply)

I try.
You're not having any of my steak and onion crisps, though, cos I'm going to bed.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 24 May 2012, 0:02, Reply)

greedy cunt
night
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 24 May 2012, 0:03, Reply)

I am a horrific porker with no sense of social grace, no mistake about it.
Don't let other user's perception of me as an all round nice guy fool you, Mumpers; if I'd been around during WW2 I'd have bullied Hitler for being a big soft vegetarian poof. And made him watch as I shagged Eva Braun from behind whilst nonchalantly flicking the pages of a copy of 'PlayJew' as it rested casually on her back.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 24 May 2012, 0:10, Reply)

Also, I trod on my dog's foot earlier this week.
Just to answer the question, like.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 24 May 2012, 0:16, Reply)