Good morning all, and what a fine morning it is!
I'm off to work in a bit, about a 40 minute commute on country roads. How long is yours?* What's the longest commute you'd contemplate for the right job?
Alt:I have a meeting oop north with a big customer to see the new machine installation today. Later I will be getting epically drunk and eating curry with the directors of the aforementioned customer - on expenses, natch. Do you have to 'entertain' customers/clients (no, not in THAT way Swipey). Regale us with tales of your booze-fuelled shenanigans in the name of business/expenses fraud.


*(fnaaar)
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 8:15, 98 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

Marrning. 5 minute walk to thepub, just got here, along with the dog,.
Never had to feed clients ,in fact the amount of freebies we got when checking out new suppliers was awesome, got tons of munchies, and some lovely bottled beers. The Belgian stuff is good ;)
(DBT became a fruitarian on, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 8:37, Reply)

Snap. The NLT is a five minute stagger away where most of my restructuring work occurs.

(Mr Udagawa, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 8:40, Reply)

Here,?
www.nlt.org.uk/
(DBT became a fruitarian on, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 8:49, Reply)

I'm going for a fag and this had better be deleted by the time I get back.

(Mr Udagawa, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:03, Reply)

They were giving out samples of Belgo near Seven Dials on Saturday and it was fucking rank

( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 8:46, Reply)

My commute is 38 minites on a bike.
If I was in a car I'd happily commute over an hour.
( Peej, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 8:39, Reply)

You don't really get expenses working in academia
Although I used the work business account at Office Depot to order myself some highlighter pens and posh printing paper recently, because I was too cheap and lazy to go to WHSmiths.
(berk, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 8:42, Reply)

1 hour 15 minutes from Folkestone on the high speed train then tube.
40 minutes from the half flat on the tube, 35 on my bicycle.
Longest I would do depends on the hours and the pay, but I'd do 90 minutes each way if was for the right ca$h money.
Fascinating stuff.

Alt: Occasionally, we take about 10-15 customers abroad at Xmas for a long weekend.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 8:43, Reply)

COMMUTE CHAT a new low

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 8:46, Reply)

Just to clarify
'____ CHAT' I believe belongs to McBoyce and he probably takes credit for 'a new low' as well.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 8:47, Reply)

Actually, come to think of it I think I borrowed 'Just to clarify' from him and all

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 8:50, Reply)

'Actually' is one of his too, I remember thinking how clever it was when he first generated that meme

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 8:51, Reply)

'Generating memes' is one of the memes he generated too

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 8:55, Reply)

I thought that as I was typing, but if no-one replies then it's dead innit. What a terrible situation we find ourselves in, I had to leave yesterday as it was dire, I hope I don't have to kill myself AGAIN today

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 8:49, Reply)

Without you frog this place would be shit.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 8:51, Reply)

I like to think I have little to no impact on /OT other than making the reply numbers go up

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 8:52, Reply)

We're

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 8:53, Reply)

all

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 8:53, Reply)

doing

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 8:53, Reply)

our

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 8:53, Reply)

bit

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 8:53, Reply)

Reply #23

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 8:53, Reply)

Y'see to anyone just logging in now, it looks as though the lively debate has already begun and they'd better get involved.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 8:55, Reply)

So now, we wait.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 8:56, Reply)

Any minute now

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 8:58, Reply)

Having said that, I could just delete this entire sub thread, and people will think Cranley's been in.
Always a good conversation starter.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 8:59, Reply)

Deletion is well lol

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:03, Reply)

I only delete things because it makes people think I'm even more of a prick
'boo hoo some sentences have gone 4ever :(((('
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:05, Reply)

You don't need to prove to me how much of a prick you are.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:11, Reply)

We *are* very alike.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:11, Reply)

Like looking in a mirror, m8

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:13, Reply)

A fun house mirror.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:14, Reply)

Haha look at me, I look all squat and fat in this one!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:16, Reply)

ha ha this one makes me look socially awkward!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:17, Reply)

Whichever angle you look at it from, its eyes never make contact with yours

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:18, Reply)

This one makes me able to say what I like under a thin veil of anonymity but unable to make basic conversation IRL!!!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:19, Reply)

The question is irrelevant, it's just a marker for the point from where we start calling one another names.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 8:52, Reply)

'Irrelevant' - Monty's

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 8:53, Reply)

Yes... yes he is
ahaaha
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:03, Reply)

Tosser.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:04, Reply)

Go away.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:07, Reply)

xx

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:08, Reply)

To travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive, and the true success is to labour
Alt: I have never had to entertain customers and if we go out I have no need for expenses as my boss just pays for whatever food or booze we need.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 8:44, Reply)

^ fiddles expenses for coke ^

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:04, Reply)

It takes me about 45 mins to get to work
This allows me to watch TV shows on my tablet if I get the Metro in. I dont think I could be fucking bothered with a longer commute, to be honest

Alt:
I met McBeef and Lusty and got them Tayyabs on expenses. Does that count?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:04, Reply)

And then just a short couple of years after that they broke up
I hope you're happy with yourself, homewrecker!
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:10, Reply)

I was entirely due to me eating the last lamb chop

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:14, Reply)

Sorry guys

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:14, Reply)

Normally its a 30 min drive, With John Humphreys keeping me company
I wouldn't really want to go further than an hour or so.

Alt: No
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:05, Reply)

My commute is about 25 minutes
regardless of whether I walk in or get public transport. Which is nice.

Not counting "stay there during the week and come back for the weekend" jobs my longest commute was 90 minutes which was soul destroying. I'd never work anywhere more than 45 minutes away now.

Alt: Nope. They don't let the IT department talk to the customers for fear we'd tell them what feckless half-wits they are.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:09, Reply)

Bloke I worked with used to do a 2+ hour commute on the train every day.
He went a little bit mad. He also used to come to work and plug in the contents of dixons on to charge.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:42, Reply)

This is all fascinating.
I feel as though we are really getting to know one another on a deeper, dare I say, more spiritual level here
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:12, Reply)

We should collate all this interesting data and extrapolate what time people should start posting, when they are unable to due to driving etc, then we could get some real answers as to why this place is dead on its arse.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:16, Reply)

If only we had an underused XLS wizard....

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:18, Reply)

8.25, leave house. 8.30, arrive, brew. 9.00, clean. 10.00, cellar stuff. 12.00, open. 18.00, set off home, arrive 18,05, dinner and family, 20.55, set off, arrive, 21.00. Leave when chucking out finishes.
Alright?
(DBT became a fruitarian on, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:20, Reply)

mine is anything from 25-50 mins depending on traffic and human traffic on the shit-tube
depends on the job. if i could be a mega-famous hollywood a-lister, i'd happily commute all over the world. for most other things, an hour tops.

alt: i has a site visit where the client makes something cool, so maybe i will get a nice bit of entertainment. and client dinner tonight, so tasty.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:16, Reply)

While poor frog nibbles on half a meal in your half flat :(

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:17, Reply)

he loves it
he and lemmy put appalling things on the tv like cricket and he puts appalling things on the sofa and DESIGNER COFFEE TABLE, like HIS SWEATY FEET, and he eats appalling things like kebabs.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:19, Reply)

#LAD

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:20, Reply)

Don't worry, there'll be plenty of scope to post your complaints about this sort of thing after your inevitable acrimonious split.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:21, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2351074
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:25, Reply)

5.9.83.79/questions/offtopic/post2351070
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:27, Reply)

bit harsh

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:25, Reply)

Cricket *is* pretty appalling.

( Kroney, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:27, Reply)

Stop watching it then.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:28, Reply)

^French. And wrong.^

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 19 Aug 2014, 10:15, Reply)

What a pleb.

(Mr Udagawa, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:27, Reply)

Half an hour by car, fifty minutes by Tube.
Most of my commutes have been circa 45 mins each way. I'm SO glad I dragged myself out of my hovel for this.

I'd like a job where I could work at home in my pants. Commuting's for chumps.

They don't like people being "entertained" by IT guys, as a half hour lecture on the finer artistic points of the 2nd Edition D&D Monstrous Compendium often offends.
( Kroney, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:22, Reply)

Also they don't smell very pleasant.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:23, Reply)

Actually I have a cologne on today actually.

( Kroney, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:25, Reply)

Concealing or mingling with the overbearing stench of BO?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:28, Reply)

Well, I laid it on pretty thick, so there should be a nice, concealing fug.

( Kroney, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:29, Reply)

Me too

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:29, Reply)

cologne Lynx Africa
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:29, Reply)

I heard the raaaains down in Lynx Aaaaaaafricaaaaa

( Kroney, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:29, Reply)

Use it sparingly, don't put toto much on.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:30, Reply)

It's nothing that a hundred men or more would ever do.

( Kroney, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:32, Reply)

I actually properly love that song.

( Kroney, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:42, Reply)

My commute is between 15 minutes and an hour
depending on which of our six locations I'm going to that day, not too bad.
How far I'd go depends on the money, one of my mates used to commute to Italy for 4 days one week then Germany the next, then rinse and repeat, but he earns a darn sight more than me.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:33, Reply)

A 20 min drive or 35 min cycle, through the beautiful surrey countryside
It's a vast improvement on the commute for my last job which was between London and Tokyo.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:41, Reply)

I work from home these days, so my commute is less than 1 minute.
Although I did previously work in an office that was maybe 30 mins away.

I don't need to go away too often, but it's usually just an overnighter to Birmingham or Bournemouth. Occasionally a course down in that there London. Our expenses are famously stingy - £20 per night outside London, £25 inside London. Absolute shit.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:42, Reply)

Our expenses are also shit
£25 a night and NO BOOZE
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:46, Reply)

Make friends with a landlord and get him to ring 6 pints through as a meal.
Go to Mc Donalds / Kebab shop for tea.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:49, Reply)

EXPENSES RULES
1. Never go to a chain restaurant as you get an itemised bill
2. Order beer/wine with meal
3. Tip staff then ask for receipt
4. Receive 1 line "Evening Meal" receipt including tip
5. Profit
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:53, Reply)

Someone I know tips taxis, gets the receipt written then asks them for some blank tickets.
Bit pikey if you ask me.

Hiding drink in with the food is fine though.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 10:05, Reply)

Oh yeah
Blank taxi receipts are gold!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 10:16, Reply)

alright Denis MacShane

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 10:09, Reply)

Exactly this.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:55, Reply)

About half an hour on foot.
I sacked off my car as there's no parking at work, and by the time i'd driven and parked in a nearby road without a parking meter the difference was only about 5 minutes.

I do sometimes have a lie-in and get a cab though.

I'm working from home today, but the house is woefully understocked.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:43, Reply)

30 mins - whats that about 1.5 to 2 miles?
Getting a cab for that is proper lazy, unless you are a disabled or morbidly obese.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:49, Reply)

Or as stated, you fancy a lie in, you twit.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:50, Reply)

Calling it, waiting for it, the drive, the traffic
you probably save 10mins and

ah fuck it.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:52, Reply)

I'm chalking that up as yet another WIN for meatsnake.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:54, Reply)

Save around 20, by the time the traffic's died down.
It also allows me to get ready (drink coffee, brush teeth) while the taxi arrives.

It's a bit of a waste when you get a really chirpy driver though.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:57, Reply)

I'm glad we cleared this up

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:58, Reply)

Brush teeth with coffee and you will save another 5 minutes

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:59, Reply)

About 2.
I only do it when I'm running really late.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 9:52, Reply)

You want to know how long our commute is?
About 20 mins by car or 40 by 2 buses.
Id probably not commute more than an hour or so depending on the hours.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 10:18, Reply)