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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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FFS Moments
Have a rant here. Mrs Cow has just texted me to say she'd bought sauce for the chicken but not bothered to look if we actually had chicken. We dont have chicken

Our development team have come up trumps again and managed to fuck up two patches in the last week, and tried to blame us lot for it

Alt:
JOY Moments, lunch, whatever, just not fucking Friends
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:08, 149 replies, latest was 10 years ago)
bought sauce? how positively beastly

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:11, Reply)
He is from the North East mate
That's practically cordon blue cooking up there
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:18, Reply)
You fucking posh cunt
Sometimes it is possible to eat food that has been partially prepared by others
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:32, Reply)
I always buy pasta sauce if I'm having pasta
but last time it expired before I got round to having the pasta - but I did have a thing of chopped tomatoes and a bunch of other stuff so I made my own.

Pain in the arse, will buy in future.
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:34, Reply)
I am aghast, tomato sauce is possibly the easiest thing in the world to cook
jar sauce is nasty
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:38, Reply)
Cooking for yourself is shit when you can pay someone to do it for you

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:48, Reply)
that me!
Hey, i left two green tomatoes in the fruit bowl with some bannanas and they've ripened to a nice red colour
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:39, Reply)
Between you and me mate standards are just rock bottom as to what constitutes posh round here x

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:42, Reply)
by using the "posh" you automatically highlight yourself as not being "posh"

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:43, Reply)
Well quite, if "tea" isn't "chips and mushy peas" from the "chipper" you're virtually the Duke of Westminster.

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:48, Reply)
If it helps I've got some chicken thighs in the freezer

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:14, Reply)
If you could have any animal in the world as a pet, what would you have?
Sperm wahle I rekon
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:15, Reply)
Minicow

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:32, Reply)
you keep your children like pets?
Yiou monster
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:43, Reply)
feels likle the insiode of my head in here

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:16, Reply)
There are only a couple of minor annoyances about my new mobile telephone
One being the lack of notification light for texts and emails, the other being that the exciting new 4G thing is great but where I spend most of my time, work and the half-flat, are both 'black spots' if that's the correct term, which means I get one less G most of the time. If I cross the road outside work I can get the extra G, but not here.

Also Begginflock has 2.0'd me again :((((((
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:17, Reply)
What sort of phone is it?

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:18, Reply)
It's a 'mobile' or 'cellular' telephone

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:19, Reply)
I was going to try and help but I see you are being a spoonhanded bumface so I shall remove my offer

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:20, Reply)
It's the Apple EyeTelephone Variant 6

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:21, Reply)
Bloody Americans...
Every time I hear "cellular" I think that it's been implanted in the owner's neck, like a bad episode of the X-Files.
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:21, Reply)
How come in films and televisions americans never have an audible ringtone, just the vibrate thing? Also they never say hello, they press just the answer button and the other person immediately starts talking.

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:23, Reply)
Perhaps they have it on vibrate because it's implanted somewhere else?

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:24, Reply)
fucken flash bastards

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:26, Reply)
I never have an audible tone
But that's cos I am one of the cool kids
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:27, Reply)
I turn sound off at work, hence me liking having a light thingy

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:28, Reply)
don't the messages pop up on scereen? Will that do?

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:29, Reply)
Only if you see it, which I dont always, then if the screen goes dark there's nothing to tell you until you press buttons to make it light up again

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:31, Reply)
Rumour has it that you do have a light "thingy" hahahaha
This is funny because it refers to a small penis
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:30, Reply)
ACTUALLY IT'S FAIRLY COMMON
www.buzzfeed.com/katienotopoulos/14-women-tell-what-its-like-having-sex-with-a-micropenis#2xt4wr1
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:32, Reply)
Awwww ...

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:36, Reply)
most tv americans don't say goodbye before they hang up either
and they rarely finish drinks in bars which annoys me.
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:28, Reply)
That's terribly wasteful

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:29, Reply)
zackly!

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:35, Reply)
There is a setting you can use that'll use the flashlight for notifications, I think it's under Settings -> General -> Accessiblity (but google it if it ain't).

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:24, Reply)
Yes this is it...

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:26, Reply)
Thanks Bonz

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:27, Reply)
Thanks Gonz

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:26, Reply)
Nois problemos amigos

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:42, Reply)
Around 5lbs of your bodyweight is made up from th eweight of bacteria in your stomach

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:20, Reply)

bacteria spunk
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:21, Reply)

stomach orifices
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:23, Reply)
Alt: The BBC have put all of the listings
From the Radio Times online, you can now take a look back to yesteryear and work out what you'd have been watching on the tellybox decades ago.

I do like a bit of nostalgia.
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:27, Reply)
A link for the lazy would be nice

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:30, Reply)
www.meh.com

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:33, Reply)

www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/tvandradioblog/2014/oct/16/what-was-on-tv-the-day-you-were-born-bbc-genome
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:34, Reply)
should we even be celebrating nostalgia

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:35, Reply)
It's not what it used to be.

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:39, Reply)
twangy Rubber

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:43, Reply)

Bendy spastic
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:45, Reply)
They did this too, which is quite interesting for a moment or two
www.bbc.com/earth/story/20141016-your-life-on-earth?ocid=socialflow_facebook
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:57, Reply)
there are only 1500 Pigmy elephants left in Boneo :(

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:06, Reply)
Katie Meluazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:08, Reply)
this is exactly how I feel about katie meluazzzzzzzzzzzzz

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:09, Reply)
I am only 20 on Mars
That's handy to know
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:08, Reply)
"A famous supplier of dog food was today rocked by an accusation that it grinds up critically endangered species to feed to dogs"

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:17, Reply)
Pandagree Chum

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:20, Reply)
I need a doctor

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:51, Reply)
Pasty AIDs^

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:52, Reply)
I drank too much diet drink and it gave me the shits yesterday
then I got a headache cos I am dehydrated, then I took two co-dydramol for the pain but I took them on an empty stomach and now I have ebola.
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:58, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2392886
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:59, Reply)
wassup?

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:55, Reply)
I drank too much diet drink and it gave me the shits yesterday
then I got a headache cos I am dehydrated, then I took two co-dydramol for the pain but I took them on an empty stomach and now I have ebola.
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:59, Reply)
See, if you ate before 7pm this wouldn't have happened

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:00, Reply)
I couldn't eat I had the shits
can't you read!
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:06, Reply)
Having the shits doesn't stop you from eating
unless you shit out of your face
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:13, Reply)
Zactly
Just take a bowl of curry into the shitter and *sings* its the circle of life
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:16, Reply)
who eats before 7pm?

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:08, Reply)
Well you've already had a curry bozo

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:09, Reply)
Me
The kids always want fed before then
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:14, Reply)
Why not just feed the minicoos and then eat later?

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:21, Reply)
I cant be bothered to cook twice

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:44, Reply)
Dont they do like a pedigree chum for kids these days
Or maybe a bakers complete kibble just lob it in a bowl and add a splash of water... it will give them bright eyes and a glossy coat
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:58, Reply)
Eating before 7pm is for fatties

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:48, Reply)
^Bent spastic ^

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:03, Reply)
This'll teach you for binning your facebook, you'd get tons more attention if you kept it.
Look at how much #Pray4PP got.
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:07, Reply)
If I hadn't bined facebook I wouldn't have ebola?

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:07, Reply)
5 or more likes can cure it

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:14, Reply)
You binned FB? Where am I going to get updates on how great your wife is now?

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:16, Reply)
Good job we saved all those Snaptwat pics from her, eh?

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:17, Reply)
Haven't you heard? They're all on the cloud, now.

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:19, Reply)
They are also laminated onto the bog walls at work

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:20, Reply)
His trying to get some action through public flattery and Nakers' desperate pandering to D-listers on Twitter have been the highlight of my online socialising for a while, now.

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:25, Reply)
Is nakers *still* doing that?
Jesus
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:27, Reply)
He continues to wear the Goggles of Shame.

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:32, Reply)
Just had a look, couple that with his needy attention seeking on here last night and you begin to see a man falling apart

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:33, Reply)
We all should have seen the warning signs when he and his wife first appeared on awful reality show "Gogglebox"

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:37, Reply)
To be fair though, he is the best thing on it.

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:43, Reply)
StephandDomlols

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:45, Reply)
Here?

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:47, Reply)
But what about pictures of your car?

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:51, Reply)
Polo forums?

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 15:02, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2392886
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 13:59, Reply)
About an hour ago I officially handed my keys back to my landlord and parted ways before remembering I'd left a bottle of Banks's in the fridge.

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:09, Reply)
Which will result in a £50 deduction from your deposit for 'removal of tenants possessions'

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:34, Reply)
The spare room full of shit I couldn't shift already saw to that.

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:35, Reply)
The only cunts bigger and more useless than developers are project managers.

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:15, Reply)
I shall leave this here
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2389096
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:17, Reply)
Without looking, I'm going to guess that this link is to my post on how I'm going to start more project management work.

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:18, Reply)
Glad to help

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:19, Reply)
If anything, it helps bolster my original assertion.

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:20, Reply)
^^^^
I had another project failure today when the upgrade I had scheduled in by the PM ahdn't had any licences ordered. She really is getting rather good at fucking it all up
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:18, Reply)
^fucking IT bods always blaming someone else^

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:20, Reply)
Hey, my upgrade worked
They just cant use the system
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:21, Reply)
Yeah yeah tell it to the judge sister

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:21, Reply)
I laugh in the face of the system

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:22, Reply)
I'm not part of your system, I am a free man

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:23, Reply)
^ Number 6 ^

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:25, Reply)
^number 2^
Like poo hahahaha
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:26, Reply)
hahahahahah
OH BOY YOU GOT ME
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:29, Reply)
We (just you and me) have a right laugh here

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:30, Reply)
All day matey

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:38, Reply)
Not letting people use the system would stop nearly all support issues.

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:42, Reply)
Choices: Out of date, unsupported software or massive corporate piracy. How would you like me to grass you up, love?

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:22, Reply)
Done and Done

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:45, Reply)
I always let some other wetty worry about the licenses.

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:36, Reply)
The problem with being a developer is that you're constantly being made to look useless by the prick before you.

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:37, Reply)
It's the Server Boffins that do my head in.
It always takes like 4-5 emails to apply a simple change in settings - Just give me WHM/CPanel and you can have the day off.
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:43, Reply)
I had to do frontline monkey work at an oil company.
A lot of it was processing requests etc and I'm sure our only purpose was to give managers somebody to shout at whilst it went through so many pairs of hands (usually involving people who'd actually left) the person at the end of the approval list was so far removed from the work they might as well have been on the moon.

It's DBA's I feel sorry for. Having dicked about with Oracle doing very simple things should work, but don't for no discernible reason, I can understand why they are such miserable bastards.
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:47, Reply)
^ used to apply flea treatment to simians^

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:49, Reply)
Its the Tefal Boffins that do my head in
I mean with their massive foreheads and non stick tech.
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:48, Reply)
I'm a developer
I am also a PRINCE2 Qualified Practitioner. THe level of uselessness I have achieved is hard to beat but the pays OK and I can work from home.
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:49, Reply)
Have we done today's socks?

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:29, Reply)
That does look like you have one of those built up "special" shoes

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:30, Reply)
I wore my Paul Smith stripey ones yesterday because nakers is all about the brand, but totally forgot to post them

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:32, Reply)
Lol Asda shoes.

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:32, Reply)
hee hee!

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:46, Reply)
No, just one Heel.
#DoYouSeeWhatIDidThere
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:47, Reply)
expensive Gordon Jones shoes ackshully
they're about 6 years old at this point.
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:46, Reply)
Gordon Bennett more like
ahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahah Wheeze Ahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahaha
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 14:50, Reply)
:(

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 15:16, Reply)
Woah, have you seen that people have been threatening to rape Richard and Judy's daughter after Judy made those non violent rape comments?
Sick sick freaks! Have they even looked at her? I wouldn't rape her with Ch*mpy's
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 15:03, Reply)
She looks quite a lot like her mum

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 15:11, Reply)
After an exploratory Google image search, I probably would.

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 15:15, Reply)
I thought she had her dads beak.

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 15:19, Reply)
HI GANG!!!
Fucking hell man, this week has been so busy. pray for me!!
I've got some chicken if you want Sporters. I will post it up.

There's an actual swarm of ladybirds in the office. We are on the 6th floor and they are literally all over the windows.
It's end of days and it's pretty gay.
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 15:08, Reply)
HELLO CAN I HAVE A NUTSHELL OF THE WEEKS EVENTS THANKS

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 15:13, Reply)
LOL"comedy" racism and sexism
people mocking other people's chavvy taste in socks, shoes and watches

frog has a new phone.

dozer isn't dead yet, sadly.

that's about it.
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 15:15, Reply)
Thrilling,
I have cheap work shoes too. Well, quite a few pairs.
dont really care whats on my feet for work.

People still use watches? what's wrong with looking at your phone?

Thanks!
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 15:19, Reply)
i have designer high heels
that hurt too much to walk anywhere beyond the photocopier, so i end up having to sneak chavtrainers in my bag and change when we go anywhere, which drives my boss INSANE.
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 15:21, Reply)
Watches are cool
and don't involve taking my phone out of my pocket, waking it up, looking, putting it back to sleep, putting it back in my pocket.

It just involves the looking step. Clearly the superior solution in every way.
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 15:58, Reply)
You forgot Monty changing his name to ..........................

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 15:27, Reply)
My head hurts and it's not down to booze.

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 15:17, Reply)
Boredom, dehydration, aneurysm or other?

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 15:19, Reply)
I dunno. I'm not a doctor.
I have spent the last two days cleaning my gaff with various chemicals though.
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 15:20, Reply)

a u
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 15:20, Reply)
I leave it to linger.
When I was back at my mums I deliberately did a smelly hangover shit then shut the windows and door 'cos I knew she'd be having a bath soon.

I'm a great son, me.
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 15:23, Reply)
HI JAYSUM

(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 15:20, Reply)
Heres FFS moment
My new line manager just commented the Samsung doesn't sound like a very Japanese name.

No, no it doesn't.
(, Thu 16 Oct 2014, 15:26, Reply)

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