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This is a question Advice from Old People

Sometimes, just sometimes, old people say something worth listening to. Ok, so it's like picking the needle out of a whole haystack of mis-remembered war stories, but those gems should be celebrated.

Tell us something worthwhile an old-type person has told you.

Note, we're leaving the definition of old up to you, you smooth-skinned youngsters.

(, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 16:16)
Pages: Latest, 19, 18, 17, 16, 15, ... 1

« Go Back

The Policeman Story
Is all here!
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:03, 241 replies)
Scenes One and Two
Scene One. In which HAPPYLITTLETULIP and ANCRENNE get into some trouble.

It is a lovely day in b3taland. The sun is shining. The sky is blue. HLT is skipping down the street, thinking about kittens.

HLT: I love kittens! They are so fluffeh! Ooh. I wonder if I put any pants on this morning? *checks* Oh. No, I didn’t. Never mind. Oh look! There’s Ancrenne!

For it is she.

Ancrenne: Hello HLT! How nice to see you! Look, I made you some sticky buns.
HLT: Lovely to see you to Ancrenne. Wow! Sticky buns! *buries face in Ancrenne’s sticky buns* *nomnomnoms*.
Ancrenne: Careful now.
HLT: Oh Ancrenne, I do so love your sticky buns. But tell me, you aren’t wearing any shoes. Why is this?

Ancrenne: *looks at feet* Oh noes! I am indeed barefoot! Someone must have stolen my shoes! *cries*
HLT: *cries* But who would do such a thing! You’re so pretty!
Ancrenne: Yes, I know. Look, there’s a policeman over there. Let us report this shoe related crime to him.
HLT: Yes, let’s. And look. His helmet is all shiny.

They approach the policeman. His helmet is indeed very shiny.

HLT: Constable! Oh, constable!
Ancrenne: No, I shaved this morning.
Policeman: ‘Elloelloello! Woss all this then?
HLT&Ancrenne: Please Mr Policeman, we wish to report a crime.
Policeman: Hay crime?
HLT: Yes, look, my friend has had her shoes stolen. Gosh, your helmet is so shiny Mr Policeman!
Policeman: Why thenk you modom. Hi polish hit hevery day in case hany ladies wish to hadmire hit. Would you like to ‘ave a stroke hof it?
HLT: *shocks* Why no, I would not! *pokes tongue out*
Ancrenne: And what about my shoes? They have been stoled, possibly by a criminaller.
Policeman: Hin that case, Hi will ‘ave to haccompany you to the nick and give you a good going over in the hinterview room. Walk this way modom.
Ancrenne: Halp! Halp! I’m being stolen by a policeman! Oi! Stop poking me with your truncheon!

The policeman uses his truncheon to chivvy her along. HLT is left alone in the street.

HLT: Oh noes! A policeman has stolen Ancrenne! I’m all alone! What WILL I do? *cries*

End of scene one.

Althegeordie, Bert Monkeysex, DevilInTights, and Kaol are in the drawing room at b3tamansions.

Al: I say chaps, this is jolly nice, what?
Bert: Gosh, isn’t it just. What civilized fellows we are.
DiT: And what charming smashing blouses we all have on!
Kaol: Yes, it’s so nice when it’s just us and no ladies. I’ve had such fun arranging these flowers all morning, it’s so therapeutic. You know, it’s such hard work pretending to be a dark, stabby mystery all the time. I’m so tired.
Al: Yes, I must say I am enjoying hanging out like this.
Bert: Al, your flies are undone.
DiT: Bert, you’ve spent all morning on your goat. Aren’t you rather worn out old thing?
Bert: Don’t call her old thing, she’s my goat!
DiT: Are you asking for a bunch of fives?

They stand and get ready to give each other a damn good thrashing, when all of a sudden HLT bursts in through the French windows. Immediately they all slouch, develop semis, think of rude things, and dribble in anticipation of cake.

Bert: HLT! *develops ants in pants*
DiT: Tulip! What smashing blouse you have on!
KAol: *fetches cable ties and knives*
Al: Why aye, it’s oor Tulip!
Bert: Al, you’re not a real Geordie, stop it.
Al: Oh yeah.
DiT: HLT, why are you crying?
Bert: *ensnuggles*
Al: *fetches hanky*
Kaol: Not now, Al!
Al: Too late! *spluffs*
HLT: Halp! Halp! Ancrenne has been manhandled to the police station where they are giving her a good drubbing, and I don’t know what to do.
Kaol: WHAT?!
DiT: Oh noes!
Al: Ohhh noooo, I’ve wet meself!
Bert: I know. We will go and ask Enzyme the Wise. He is clever and will know what to do.
DiT: Right. Let’s go.
Al: But I can’t, me trousers are all wet!
Bert: You’ll have to stay here and dry them then.
Al: Why aye! The dryer’s broken man!
HLT: Ooh, I know, I’m good at blowing, I’ll blow them dry. They’ll be dry in no time.
Al: *removes trousers*
HLT: *blows hard*
Al: FLUFFEH TIEMS!

The rest of them leave to go and find Enzyme the Wise.

End of scene two…


Scene Three

Bert, Kaol and DiT find Enzyme the Wise sitting on his throne in the library. The Four High Priestesses (Crack, House, Ceilidh and Band) are kneeling before him.

Bert: Greetings, o wise one.
Kaol: Hail to thee, o Enzyme.

Enzyme appears not to have heard them.

Bert: Oi! Enzyme!
Kaol: Enzyme! Oh, he hasn’t heard me. Enzyme. Enzyme! ENZYME! ENZYME!
ENZYME! ENZYME! ENZYME! ENZYME! ENZYME! ENZYME! ENZYME!
Enzyme: Sorry, young sirs, I was just flicking through CHCB’s wellthumbed Kant when you came just now, and I didn’t realise you had come.
CHCB: Begorrah, nose deep he was! Would ye just tink of dat!
Enzyme: Unfortunately, she has reverted to stereotype, so I was just administering some extreme unction.
CHCB: Lies! All lies!

The clock strikes 4pm.

CHCB: Ooh, is it Thursday?
Everyone: YES! FLUFFEH TIEMS! OH NOES! WOO AND YAY!

And the b3taplay goes all quiet for the next 15 minutes.

Enzyme: But you are quivering, young sirs. Do not worry, for the High Priestess and I will pontificate, and your troubles shall be no more.

And he spreads his arm wide, a figure of serenity oozing wisdom (and spunkchup, for he had not done his dry cleaning that week).

Kaol: Ok, thanks, bye!

And they leave. Enzyme shuts the library door.

Enzyme: Crack! House! Ceilidh! Band! Fetch the kittens!
CHCB: Yes master.

She fetches the kittens and lays them at his feet. They scamper about adorably.

Outside, Bert frowns.
Kaol: Bert, stop frowning, that’s my thing what I do.

Bert/DiT/Kaol (in unison): Hang on a minute.

And they all knock on the library door once more. Enzyme opens it a tiny amount.

Bert: O, wise Enzyme, we oh, I do beg your pardon, but I can see some lovely kittens through your door just there.
Enzyme: CHCB! Put the pussy away! Bert can see it through my crack!
CHCB: Righto.
Enzyme: Why must you disturb my deep throat thought?
Kaol: You never asked us what the problem was.
Enzyme: I didn’t have to. I have a brain the size of mistaspakkaman’s blackpool tower, I know everything. Now leave us!

Bert, Kaol and DiT leave. Enzyme shuts the door again.

Enzyme: Now, let us consult the kittens!
CHCB: Would you like a cup of tea father?
Enzyme: No, I’m consulting the kittens. Stop reverting to stereotype.
CHCB: Right ye are.
Enzyme: Kittens, confess!
Kittens: Meowmeowmeow.
Enzyme: Kittens, you are hereby charged with one, no two, no three counts of heresy.
CHCB: Enzyme, what are you talking about?
Enzyme: Oh! I’m terribly sorry. I seem to have temporarily pretended to be in a Monty Python sketch. Where was I? Oh yes. Kittens! Tell us what we must do!
Kittens: Meow. Meowmeowmeow. Purr. Meowpurrpurrpurr.
Enzyme: What, right now?
CHCB: And with how many goats?
Kittens: Meowmeow. Meowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeow.
Enzyme: And what if we run out of spoons?
Kittens: Meow.
CHCB: Aha!
Enzyme: Let’s go! Come, High Priestesses CHCB. To the b3tamobile!

So they do.

End of scene three.

Scene Four. The police station. Ancrenne is being given a good going over by the policeman.

P: Now then now then now then. Will you tell me hexactly what ‘appened to the aforementioned shoes. I hunderstand they hare Caucasian shoes of average height.
A; Why yes oroficer. I was sitting down, peacefully, in a northerly direction, when all of a sudden I noticed that I wasn’t wearing any shoes.
P: Not wearing shoes! Why, no self-respectin’personage Hi know would hallow themselves to leave the ‘ouse without their shoes!
A: Yes, but you see, Mr Policeman, I am a hippy!
P: Ha ‘ippie?! Oh noes!
A: Oh yes!!

And she dances a I’m-escaping-because-I’m-a-hippy-and-I’m-ace dance, complete with daisies, pants, and ban the bomb signs, around the policeman and out of the window. As she wriggles through the tiny hole, she sees THEWEEWITCH and MISTASPAKKAMAN flying towards the police station on their broomsticks.

WW: Ancrenne! Over here! Quick!
A: Yay, woo! Rescue!
Spakka: Indeed yes! Climb aboard my hard broomstick, and I shall show you a good time!
WW: Spakka will take you back to the b3tamansion. I have a cunning, witchy plan to outwit the bumptious man of the law. Ha ha!
A: Yay!

Spakka and Ancrenne fly back to the b3tamansions. WW flies off and lays a trail of cake crumbs for the policeman to follow. Unfortunately, Big-girls-blouse, PenguinOfDeath, Maladicta, Davros’ Granddad, thewellgroomedwookie, and Legless see the crumbs and follow them as well.

BGB: Ee by gum! Cake!
POD: Woo, cake!
Maladicta: Yay, cake! And woo, I’m in Scene Four!
DG: *follows crumbs*
WGW: Ooh, crumbs!
Legless: Cheers!

Scene Five. The Resident Loon is sleeping peacefully in his bed in his bit of the USA which may or may not be near the Blue Ridge Mountains. He is dreaming about blouses. A lovely cakey smell (from TWW’s cake crumbs) wafts in through the open window. All the bears, wolves and Cadillacs outside have smelt it too and are baying at the moon.

Loon (stirring): Where the heck is that goddang sweet smell o’ homey Briddish confectionary a-driftin’ from? It sure is rousin’! Ah must leave mah Merkin ranch and flah raight now to Engerland and git me some o’ that!

And he rings Nasa to ask if he can borrow a moon rocket to fly to Britain at once. They say yes, because they are stupid.

Loon: Yeeeeeehaaaaaw! Check me out on mah rocket! Bridain, here Ah come!
Scene Six. In the drawing room at b3tamansions. HLT and Al are hard at it.

Al: Ooh! Harder! Blow harder!
HLT: I can’t! I’ve been blowing for ages, your trousers must be nearly dry by now. *faints*
Al: Oh cock. *revives*
HLT: Where? Is chickenlady here with her chickens? Yay! Oh! Oh noes!
Al: What, what is it!?
HLT: I promised you my muffins!
Al: *spluffs*
HLT: No, chocolate ones! You know! Cake!
Al: Yay, cake! *nomnomnoms*

Just then, Beckyconsonants comes in. She is carrying an enormous vat of marmalade and K2K6 is helping her.

Becky: This… marmalade… is… so … heavy!
K2K6: Let me help you, fair maiden, I am a porridge-fed Scotsman and strong enough to bear all kinds of marmalade burdens.
Becky: Thank you! How can I ever repay you?
K2K6: *dives into marmalade* *beckons*
Becky: *dives in*
HLT: Ooh, marmalade! *joins*
K2K6: *faints*
Becky: Oh no, K2k6 has fainted.
K2k6: I haven’t really. I was just expressing my delight at our current situation.
Becky: You brought currants as well?

And so on and so forth until the end of time.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:03, closed)
HAHA
I ruddy LOVE these! I love how I'm all decisive:

"Let's go!"

Do you think we have some kind of B3ta-Mobile?
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:07, closed)
This could go on and on
and I would still love it!

edit - Yes a b3tamobile would be ace!
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:08, closed)
Ooh ta!
Scene three will probably land at some point tomorrow. It's my favourite one and has kittens, Enzyme and CHCB in it.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:10, closed)
I suspect
the b3tamobile is a tractor. Painted black. With an A-Team red stripe. And neons. And alloys. And fluffeh dice.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:11, closed)
does it have
a goats head on the front? and two kittens hanging from the mirror?
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:12, closed)
yup
and a mattress in the back.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:16, closed)
A tractor with alloys?
The best vehicle, ever!

Can I be the driver? PLEEEEASE?
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:16, closed)
Possibly
*rewrites scene four*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:18, closed)
Yep
DiT in the drivers seat, Bert is the navigator, Kaol is in charge of defence, and i'm in the back with the matress. And HLT.

Oh yeah.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:18, closed)
And may I say HLT
what an absolutely smashing blouse you have on.

*clicks for making me snort like a pig*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:21, closed)
I love it when a plan comes together!
*sees how many A-Team references he can get in to the thread*

EDIT: Of course, all the girls are wearing smashing blouses. Tell me, do you always wear blouses, or do you sometimes wear a cardie?
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:23, closed)
DiT
Depends very much if I'm out trick or treating...
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:26, closed)
Right then. Trick or RUDDY treat?
Come on, come on, we haven't got all night. I've got my tights on and Eddie is dressed as a banana.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:30, closed)
Ooooooooohhhhh
look at you with your fancy shmancy pants icon there.

pint of pernod?
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:31, closed)
@tulip
Just excellent, I love it! The goats, the blouses, the ensnuggling, it's ace!

If you were President of the United States*, I'd let you insert cigars about my person for this.

*or even if you weren't.

*clicks til there's nothing but a bleeding stump on the end of his shoulder*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:33, closed)
Hey! Hey!
There's a gay bar down the road, you know?

(MM wins the much-coveted* QOTWer of the day prize!

*Not coveted at all)

EDIT: 3 minutes overtime! I'm going home! See you all soon! Application for camping holidays has just gone in!
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:33, closed)
@MM and DiT
I love Bottom!
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:35, closed)
Bye DiT
*expects prize with big, eager eyes*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:36, closed)
al- I know
Bert and Kaol told me
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:36, closed)
thanks Bert!
*goes all red*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:41, closed)
Let me guess
aniseed sick.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:45, closed)
@ ancrenne
Awww!

*snogs*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:47, closed)
I luv it!!!
T'is fantastic.

Oh, and I've linked to this from your original post and from the end of this morning's thread. If you don't get your parts in by the QOTW-change, we won't be able to link to the next one.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 18:05, closed)
*sings yacketty sax*
while HLT types
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 18:06, closed)
Well, I;m here till 9pm tonight
And I'll be all alone. Guess how much proper work I'll be doing.

go on, guess.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 18:18, closed)
My first guess
would be none.

Would that be right (not counting writing fabulous stories)?
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 18:20, closed)
Tulip is a veritable literary genius..
I love it : )
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 18:26, closed)
You've got my character down
To a fine representation *grins*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 18:29, closed)
Is there any marmalade
in scenes 3 and 4?

And are you intending to run this play in your theatre, before its inevitable astronomic success takes it to the West End and Broadway?
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 18:33, closed)
None is correct.
Scene three is almost ready...


edit@k2k6, no marmelade yet. It will be making an appearance, but I haven't quite decided how though.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 18:34, closed)
Scene three need to be up!
Yay!
*panics that dinner is burning*
*runs back to kitchen*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 18:35, closed)
Am I represented by the blouses the gentlemen are all wearing.
Because if I am - LOL.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 18:54, closed)
So here's where we're all hiding
I like it that we seem to be /talk separatists!
*wants to feature in the b3ta play*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 18:55, closed)
Are you ready for scene three?
^
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 19:15, closed)
Yes!
*waits*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 19:17, closed)
and there it is!
as if by magic.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 19:19, closed)
Yay!
*grins*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 19:24, closed)
Hehe
*addicted*

What a lovely sunny evening... I don't usually drink during the week, but... *cracks cold one*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 19:25, closed)
DiT...
It's a slippery slope...
Beware!
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 19:26, closed)
All this creativity
Has left me gasping for a large one.

Anyone got any booze?

(fictional booze I mean. I have to drive home at some point!)
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 19:30, closed)
Here, then,
is some fictional Dom Perignon 1987 vintage. To go with that, some caviar. And some oysters.

*dances provocatively*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 19:34, closed)
Bah.
My housemate has beer and I do not. However I have amazing shoes.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 19:36, closed)
And caviarr!
Did you have to sell a kidney?

Come through to the polo lounge!

Polo?
*offers*

edit@ancrenne, pink champagne OOOOH yes please! thank you!
I wish I could see you all. It's all lonely here in the theatre. *cries*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 19:36, closed)
If you can hang on a few days Ms A,
I'll have a bottle of Grey Goose for your drinking pleasure...
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 19:37, closed)
Snarkfuhhallneegaaaah....
I'm sorry, I've forgotten how to talk...
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 19:38, closed)
@ ancrenne
You JUST got that? But it's so old!

Yes. I am a naughty tulip. But you love it.

@ devil. hee hee hee!
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 19:40, closed)
Oh God...
Not Creme de bannane is it?
*shudders*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 19:45, closed)
Well then.
Good to see we've all played nicely today.

What has been your best part of Wednesday? Mine has been getting my icon.

FEAR ME! :)

Actually, don't fear me. I'm cool.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 19:46, closed)
When times are hard
The most fun can be had.

Or so I always say...

:p

I'm off now, catch you wonderful folks maybe later!
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 19:49, closed)
@Ancrenne
That is an AWESOME day!

Who is going to write about your pants? Will it be Stephen King?

THE PANTS OF FEAR! :)

EDIT: See ya later Kaol!
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 19:57, closed)
bye kaol!
*waves*

Best part of my day?

Managing to write the above and post it at work without being caught/sacked/chopped into fishbait.

Worst part of my day?

Getting to 6pm and thinking "woo, hometime" only to have to stay until 9pm because the drama brats unexpectedly turned up.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 19:58, closed)
yay, pants!
*sighs*

When is the July bash?
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 20:02, closed)
Hello!
I've been lurking because I'm watching the football. But hey, I can multi-task!
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 20:03, closed)
Dammit!
I'm off on the 14th/15th.

Stupid geography.

Stupid days off.

Stupid London.

*frowns*

edit: hi clendrix!
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 20:06, closed)
This is all kinds of ace!*
Publish it. Publish it now! JK Rowling, you can fuck right off.




*Even if I'm not in it
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 20:07, closed)
Great story so far HLT
Looking foward to the next sceenes.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 20:10, closed)
fanks Davros
There are so many of you to include!

I'm aiming to do a few more scenes though...
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 20:11, closed)
phwoar, sticky buns!
*faints*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 20:14, closed)
I have responded to the room info...
thank you!

And now I'd like sticky buns too.

*sighs*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 20:19, closed)
Hello!
Give us a bun then.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 20:28, closed)
Hello BGB!
Tulip, get your buns out for BGB!
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 20:30, closed)
Don't worry ...
I have large hands and a vice like grip.

Edit - I'm going to have to stop drinking this Valpolicella, it goes down like pop.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 20:31, closed)
Why have I
disappeared in scene 3?

*is upset*

*cries*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 20:32, closed)
So much fun!
We need to have an all girls bash and annoy the menfolk with veiled tales of depravity the next day!
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 20:33, closed)
oh al
Did you not realise we were left in the drawing room, alone, with me blowing on your trousers?
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 20:35, closed)
@Clendrix
We need the men around to keep us in check.

God knows what would happen if they weren't around.

*Daydreams*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 20:35, closed)
*applauds literary excellence*
*mourns lack of people with beards*

evening all
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 20:36, closed)
@Vipros
I have some hairs on my chin. Almost a beard : )
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 20:37, closed)
Nah, I'm sorry, but
It's no fun without boys.

I love boys.

*daydreams*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 20:38, closed)
Allo V!
What are you up to?
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 20:38, closed)
@hlt
Aah, I see.

*isn't upset anymore*

*imagines trying to keep a room full of drunk b3tawomen in check*

Mmmmmmmmmmmm.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 20:38, closed)
@BGB
not the sort of thing you want to admit to

especially with your lack of ears, people might start to wonder about you

edit: this evening I have cooked a delicious vegetable balti and I've been busting stuff up with saw, hammer and crowbar
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 20:38, closed)
@Vipros
My life is an open book. Hairs and all.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 20:39, closed)
@ancrenne
I think a whip and a chair might be useful for Al.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 20:44, closed)
I certainly seem to be more than a handful...
hmmm
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 20:44, closed)
I like breaking stuff too
unfortunately there isn't enough room to swing my sledgehammer in my bathroom.

and I'm trying to keep as much plaster intact as possible, hence the crowbar and normal hammer...
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 20:47, closed)
@Ancrenne
I was thinking of Al keeping us from ripping him to pieces by the use of a whip and a chair.

I am women hear me ROAR!
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 20:50, closed)
Don't worry ancrenne
I love it when BGB pushes me around.

If your all more than a handful I might have to bring in Bert to help me keep you all in check.

My laptop is about to die so I shall bid you all goodnight.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 20:51, closed)
Night al!
Ya big puff!
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 20:54, closed)
ancrenne...
Yup! 100.

Well done you.

*Snogs but in a 'we're chums' way*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 20:57, closed)
it's rare that I get a chance to sit at the computer
of an evening. so I'm updating myself with music

any recommendations?

other than ones in this thread
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 21:00, closed)
Clicks for awesomeness
*this post needs marmalade*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 21:00, closed)
yay, I can go home!
At last!

Back tomorrow for scene four...

*snogs everyone*
*decides to snog everyone again because it was so nice the first time round*
*eventually leaves*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 21:00, closed)
seen them both at beautiful days
not a big fan of alabama 3, but subgiant blew me away
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 21:02, closed)
I'm feeling the need to write today
back in a bit
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 21:04, closed)
*sways to Cuban salsa*
I'm back. What did I miss?

*sees BGB with whip and chair*

Yes, I think I'll stay.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 21:07, closed)
Cuban salsa,
Now were talking.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 21:09, closed)
@Maladicta
you seem like the sort of girl that would like music that I like...

what can you recommend? what do you find pushes all the appropriate buttons?
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 21:10, closed)
That play ^^^
is tremendous. But I had a powercut here just before HLT posted it so couldn't see it until now.

Damn you, electricity providers!

Looking forward to scene four...

*wonders if he will appear in it*

*wonders more about marmalade*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 21:15, closed)
K2k6
They just had a powercut in Basel - where are you?
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 21:17, closed)
In the name of St. Mimsy and the Seven Holy Martyrs!
HLT, that's a-stounding.

*wipes Enzyme's extreme unction from her forehead*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 21:23, closed)
East central Scotland
Nowhere as exotic as Basel.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 21:24, closed)
Fairy Nuff
Thought you'd absconded.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 21:25, closed)
@ Vipros
I'm a very eclectic lady music-wise: the definitive list is as follows...


Guns N' Roses, Rilo Kiley, Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins, DragonForce, Lacuna Coil, Judas Priest, Kirsty MacColl, Tarja, Merry, John Denver, Jimi Hendrix, Muse, Johnny Cash, System of a Down, The Cure, RHCP, Alice Cooper, Aerosmith, Bon Jovi, The Beatles, Daft Punk, Catatonia, Stevie Nicks, Fleetwood Mac, David Bowie, Katie Melua, Norah Jones, Jack Johnson, Cat Stevens, Charlotte Hatherley, AC/DC, ES Posthumus, Black Sabbath, Ozzy Osbourne, KISS, The Eagles, Duke Spirit, Bryan Adams, Franz Ferdinand, The Beautiful South, Velvet Revolver, Blondie, The Killers, Kaiser Chiefs, Alisha's Attic, The Fratellis, Beach Boys, Cerys Matthews, Lene Marlin, Fleetwood Mac, Dresden Dolls, Maroon 5, Nelly Furtado, Abba, Kirsty MacColl, Queen, REM, Savage Garden, Be Your Own PET, Tenacious D, James Taylor, Spice Girls, B*Witched

The salsa is from a torrent of Putumayo music I got a few days ago, it's something that really grows on you and even the diehard metal (and Abba) fan Mr Maladicta has been enjoying it :)
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 21:36, closed)
@ BGB
The salsa is lully, it makes me want to go to Cuba, drink a lot of Mexican beer and dance like a loon in crazily high heels.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 21:39, closed)
@Maladicta
John Denver - YES!

Edit: Actually, I like lots of the same stuff as you!
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 21:39, closed)
Maladicta
Excellent collection.

But B*witched?

Would anybody else love to see Enzyme's music collection? I'll bet that redefines 'eclectic'.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 21:42, closed)
@K2k6 - naw
He's very conservative in his music - a copy of "Now That's What I Call Highbrow 19" and "Turkish Delight: Smoking Jacket Lounge Specials" are about as exciting as it gets.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 21:46, closed)
@Maladicta
I love any music that makes me want to wiggle my hips.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 21:48, closed)
I'm sorry CHCB.
But you make me laugh.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 21:50, closed)
@BGB
no need to apologise! I enjoy being laughed at with.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 21:52, closed)
@CHCB
I was imagining something along the lines of "Your 100 Best Madrigals" or Ming Ho Pong's 19th Symphony for Tibetan Nose Flute.

Or the like.

Actually, I'll bet he's got a Kylie album.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 21:52, closed)
I used to be in a madrigal group.
That's killed that conversation.

It was more of a chamber choir, I swear.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 21:54, closed)
@ clendrix
John Denver is the shit. I got hold of a torrent of his entire discography as well and it makes me very happy; close my eyes and I'm five, in the back of my parents' car again...
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 21:55, closed)
@ K2k6
I'm ashamed to admit I was the right age for B*witched when they came out and I still love them a bit. Mr Maladicta took the piss mercilessly when he realised I'd bought their second album from a cheap CD sale in town a couple of weeks ago.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 21:57, closed)
@ BGB
I'm the same, with the exception of rap/hip-hop, it annoys me for some reason.

If I had the energy, I'd lose weight just from dancing to music I love I think!
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 21:57, closed)
@ ancrenne
I know all the words to a scary number of John Denver songs, they're ingrained into my brain and pop out at inconvenient moments. I've stopped seeing it as a disadvantage though, his voice makes me feel all fluffeh :)
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 21:59, closed)
here's a request
played for b3ta bash attendees (except the sensible ones like me who only had 3.5 pints and was therefore boring):
The Booze and the Drugs

(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 22:00, closed)
Ooh
snaffles most of Maladicta's music since I only have a lot of it on CD still.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 22:04, closed)
@ancrenne
that's where I went wrong!
I forgot to multiply.
*spangs self*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 22:04, closed)
@ becky
Anything you want, let me know, I'll rar it and email it to the address of your choice!
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 22:07, closed)
Thanks Maladicta
I've found it all on Demonoid now :)
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 22:10, closed)
@ becky
That's good :) I'm only able to torrent for another week, then not for a bit, then as soon as Mr Maladicta and I get the flat back on the torrents, so I'm grabbing while I can!
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 22:16, closed)
Do you need
a demonoid invite or have you got an account there already? It's the best for torrents ever
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 22:17, closed)
Nice part 3
I look forward to when the rest of me is included.

@HLT: The 26th July bash is in Exeter, not London.

@everyone: Evenin'
Am catching up so am a bit slow.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 22:19, closed)
Gaz me your email
and I'll sort one out for you :)
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 22:19, closed)
Re torrents
I'm just guessing, but if you don't have a demonoid account, you could just get someone to attatch their .torrent file and e-mail it to you. If you have a client (such as Azureus/Vuze) that implements DHT, you might be able to connect to peers even if the tracker does not let you connect.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 22:22, closed)
@CHCB
A madrigal group? OK...

No answer to that, really.

There's a lot of copyright theft going on in this thread though. Tut tut!
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 22:22, closed)
@Ancrenne
Ah well, that's OK then. So long as you buy it when you decide you like it.

*pretends never to have copied CDs*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 22:25, closed)
Hi ancrenne
No real alcohol here, but I'll raise you a virtual pintglass of bitter.

Not sure how long I'll be, but HLT's story is drawing me in like never before.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 22:27, closed)
Spakka
I expect so, but for me it's easier to generate an invite to demonoid instead as I'm not that good with computers.

K2k6, most of the stuff I'm downloading is things I've already bought to be fair.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 22:28, closed)
@ spakka
I don't see any reason why not - I use Azureus/Vuze/whatever and I've never had any issue with Demonoid torrents without registering - tend to get most of mine through isohunt and mininova though.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 22:35, closed)
@becky
I have to wonder why you're downloading stuff you already own! Never mind.

*looks at clock*

Jeez - bedtime already.

I was working on the computer tonight doing some musical stuff and the damned program just crashed, losing me the last half hour's work.

(Yes, I know I should press Cmd-S more often, but when the creative juices are going I forget)

So I'm off to bed instead.

And I missed out at 4pm today, so...

Sorry, TMI.

Night all.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 22:38, closed)
Night K2k6!
And hi to all!

Just a brief visit to spread the love...

*spreads*
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 22:44, closed)
@maladicta
There's many torrent sites out there. The only one I can think of you've not listed is piratebay.

@K2k6 & ancrenne
But I even organised a 4pm 'bash' today.

EDIT: Hi DIT

* recieves *

* reciprocates *
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 22:44, closed)
The love
*and a thick layer of hot love it was too*

EDIT: the title for my prog-jazz album. "Thick Layer of Love by DiT and the Jazz Bags"
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 22:48, closed)
Aye, not done a lot really...
Watching Bottom now, and sadly thinking that I might have to go to bed.

Rock and Fucking Roll. That's me! ;)

EDIT: How rude of me! How's yours been?
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 22:53, closed)
Sounds good!
Right then. I am going to call it a day.

Nighty night ancers, and nighty night everyone!
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 22:58, closed)
'Night DIT
@ancrenne
I see what you mean about having more enery when doing stuff.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 23:02, closed)
K2k6
I've moved house 6 times in the last 8 years so have lost or thrown away stuff in the mean time, many of those were cds. Hence downloading now.

Night and night DiT
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 23:07, closed)
Re burning CDs
Get a Blu-Ray burner - it's the way forward.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 23:08, closed)
@ancrenne
I too have had a job that involved long periods of doing nothing, and the boredom got to me (Unfortunately, I was not allowed to browse the web unless it was for work-related purpouses). It sort of de-inspires me. Excersizing the mind helps get it in shape and makes it more focused.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 23:14, closed)
I'm sure you do
but this time, you're following your dreams, so you'll like it.

Unfortunately, me following my dreams has trapped me in a pit of procrastination.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 23:22, closed)
My dreams are still going ahead
it's just that there's this website I'm spending too much of my time on.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 23:31, closed)
What I need
is to cut all my ethernet cables in half.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 23:40, closed)
If anyone's watching
E4+1 in a bit, watch big brothers big mouth, my mate's going to be on it apparently. Can't miss him as he's a Captain jack sparrow lookylikey.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 23:43, closed)
How about
making a plan to only go on B3ta once you've gotten X amount of work done or 2 hours in the morning and two hours at night only?
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 23:44, closed)
The thing about b3ta
is that the dynamic of it changes a lot. This makes it hard to pick X ammount of time to do stuff.

Fridays are when the serious posts come in thick and fast, whereas Thursday mornings are usually filled with bored people waiting for a new QOTW.

Also, the choice of QOTW affects it too. For example, in the Innuendo QOTW, most of the posts weren't very insightful or encouraged discussions so we just stuck to a few chat threads. Others have often lead to thoughtful discussions.

I also like to check my own posts to see how well they're doing.

Help! I'm an addict.

EDIT: @ancrenne:
Sometimes, I open my browser and it loads a b3ta tab. I see I have a new Gaz, answer it, mosey around a bit, and get sucked in. Now, I'm careful to close Firefox on a tab that's not a b3ta tab.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 23:54, closed)
No, I doubt we could do that
I don't really have a choice as I value my job, so wouldn't want to be caught on b3ta at work. If I'm on a break then fair enough, but it's usually busy enough there that when we have breaks we take them at the same time, so no time to go skiving for b3ta breaks.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 23:57, closed)
@spak
feeling the pain. I'm supposed to be self employed, so all I am wasting is my own time.

But yu is all so luffley
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 23:57, closed)
@MM
Awwwww...

* hugs *

EDIT: 'self employed' is what I'm putting on my CV.
(, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 23:59, closed)
@ancrenne
it was good, apart from the whole half hour wait between acts. But it was free, and I have many fred perry badges.
(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 0:01, closed)
*snogs everyone*
*snogs again*
(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 0:02, closed)
I've got 47 tabs open
No wonder my computer's being slow.

And many of them are b3ta tabs.
(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 0:02, closed)
where is everybody else?
.
(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 0:03, closed)
sleep
pah! Kids these days...

everyone I really like is here anyway so ner
(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 0:07, closed)
47, fucking hell
*Snogs MM and Ancrenne simultaneously*
(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 0:09, closed)
Tabs
Most of these tabs are just bookmarks rather than extra stimulation.

When reading QOTW, I keep some interesting stories and chat-threads open to see if they get any more replies. I can re-load all tabs at once to see if anything has changed. At the end of each day, I bookmark the lot and the next time, only load what I want to check.

b3ta tabs usually don't slow the browser down, but another web-forum I visit has the habit of slowing things down if I open toomany tabs.

EDIT: @beckyjsbx
You forgot someone.
(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 0:10, closed)
You weren't snogging at teh time
but also snogs Spakkaman too :)
(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 0:14, closed)
* feels cheered up *

(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 0:18, closed)
@ancrenne
about 10. Fred Perry have this whole subculture thing wot I get invited to.
(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 0:23, closed)
@spak
That is why you are the linky king. You are the only one who knows.
(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 0:25, closed)
@ancrenne
I disappeared for a second because my boyfriend had made me some food. Back again now. He's playing his ukelele.
(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 0:26, closed)
MM
I have to ask, did you get an avatar just to annoy Spimf?
(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 0:27, closed)
@beckyletters
might have done

seriously though, it's quite funny.

ancrenne- lovely boyfriend.
(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 0:31, closed)
@MM
You just need to keep whichever tab the chat is going on in open and when a new one begins, link to it. If you don't know HTML, just paste the link and when posting, it will be converted to a hyperlink.
(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 0:31, closed)
I can do teh links
I just never manage to find all the threads.
(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 0:32, closed)
LOLs a bit
If I could remember the steps I took when Igot mine I'd help him out as mine didn't arrive immediately, I had to go back and do something else, but buggered if I can remember what it was.
(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 0:32, closed)
@becky
mine was instantaneous. But then I did do it through paypal which is made of easiness. Until someone hacks into your account and spends £500 that is.
(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 0:34, closed)
ancrenne
NEITHER DID MINE!

Which made it all the more upsetting to find out that I had an overdraft.
(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 0:39, closed)
bum
they will give it back....in about 3 months time.
(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 0:41, closed)
Neither did mine
when I had £350 stolen from it.
(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 0:41, closed)
Right you lot
I've bacardi in my system and I must off to bed.

Night all.
(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 0:42, closed)
Night MM
Might head off soon myself.

Re paypal: Not used my account for some years now. Might get myself one of them icons tho'.
(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 0:44, closed)
I'm tired
so going to bed now, night kids :)
(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 0:46, closed)
Night becks
BTW: Nice story you posted earlier.
(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 0:48, closed)
In my younger days
I'd be one of the last too, but in my old age, I find myself leaving early if I'm not stimulated enough.
(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 0:49, closed)
Seems like I'm digging a hole here about leaving early.

(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 0:56, closed)
Re drinking if getting bored.
Sometimes, my mind has the habit of drifting off into it's own little world when drinking - especially if loud music is being played, or the people I'm with don't speak a language I understand (this has happened to me before). But I have beer to keep me company. But if the pubs stay open until 3am, this has had some disasterous results.
(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 0:59, closed)
I'm tired
not understimulated, so I'm off to bed.

G'night.
(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 1:03, closed)
I'm no cat!
*frowns*

Lock me out, will you?
*smashes window*
(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 3:01, closed)
Is anyone still about?
I don't feel well

*cries*
(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 4:17, closed)
Well, now that it's morningtime
I'm back.

Anyone else about yet?
(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 8:52, closed)
Ah
It appears we're all here.
(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 8:56, closed)
Woo!
I got bored at lack of Kaol-related-ness though :p
(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 12:33, closed)
This requires a standing ovation...
*stands*

*ovates*
(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 12:44, closed)
*applauds*
And I got a line!

*auditions come pouring in*
(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 12:48, closed)
E by gum, cake.
She's got me down to a tee and I haven't even met her yet.

Made me laugh and giggle and smile and chortle and all of that.
(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 12:59, closed)
*reads*
*rereads*

nope, still not there :-(

*pouts*
(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 12:59, closed)
Yay!
I'm in.

*Reads*
(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 13:15, closed)
Woo!
Marmalade, BeckyJCBExperience and me! Go, HLT!
(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 13:24, closed)
* applauds *
Woo and Yay to scenes 4, 5 & 6! Broomsticks FTW.


(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 13:28, closed)
You won't believe me
but I'd like to give a huge 'click' etc. without angling for a part.

Suddenly, Thursday is all worthwhile again.

Thanks
(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 13:40, closed)
Afternoon, ancrenne
Yup, we're back here, and also here.
(, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 13:46, closed)

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