Once upon a time
A long long time ago, with my hair loss far away....

I decided i would like to become a nurse ( helping sick people and all that)

I had a good attendance record at college ( i had to do an access hnc as my standard grades were piss poor)

The only bit i struggled with (apart from getting there for 9am ) was writing essays.

The first ones were easy as they were human biology and i had just completed one of my 2 highers (woooo!!) in biology.

The rest however i just could not be arsed with. I believe there were 14 in all that went towards my final pass/fail mark.

After many months of being asked why i was bothering to come in if i was not handing in any work it was crunch time.

We were given a date (about one week away at 9 am) when all coursework must be handed in by or it was an automatic fail.

Now i had already dropped out of uni and would be getting made homeless by my *proud* mum and dad if i made a tit of this one.

We arrive at the day before deadline day and lazy sparklehorse has not written one line so i did what any sensible lazy procrastinator would do.

I phoned my smoke provider and ordered one ounce of his shittiest soapy,i then phoned my equally lazy procrastinating friend in Glasgow and made him the offer of as much soapy as he can smoke in one night as long as he is prepared to type up ( after i write) 14 essays of about 2000 words each.

A deal is done so at 6pm i get in the car and head to Glasgow. Seeing potential failure glaring straight at me i decide to stop off at a chemists and invest in 2 packets of pro plus (no red bull in those days) and make my way to friends flat.

After 2 hours of smoking i decide we really need to start so essay writing begins.

Sparklehorse then decides to pull his whole hand out of his arse and at least try to pass this course.

At 11pm, heavilly stoned and very twitchy off half a packet of pro plus we decide munchies are called for so head off th the local supermarket.

Unfortunatley my twitching/sniggering are picked up completley wrongly by a 90ish year old man and his daughter ( no idea why a 90 year old is shopping at 11pm?).Aformentioned old guy proceeds to threaten to batter me for being a cheeky wee shit (i wasnt) and when i sniggered his daughter decided she wanted some as well.

After grabbing said munchies and scraping my friend off the floor due to bursting both lungs laughing at my predicament we pay and leave quickly.

Back at the flat we write/type/smoke for the next 8 hours and at 8.30 am the last one is finished.

A 30 min drive back to college and Sparklehorse proudly hands in all of the essays just in time.

About a week later i get a phone call from my lecturer asking me to come in for a chat where i am grilled for an hour about who wrote said essays, aparently it could not of been me!!

To cut a long story short ( well not really) i passed every essay and sauntered out with an HNC in health care woooooooo!!!!!

I like to believe that good things come to those who cannot be arsed!
(sparklehorse is loving popping his cherry...again....honest, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 21:39, Reply)

Placeholder.

( Digeridude Lord Wellington's Beef Trapeze, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 21:28, 3 replies)

Me ma
had one of those Desiderata poems on the kitchen wall which I must have read a thousand times.

One day she'd asked me to do some chore or other which I hadn't got round to. She asked me why I hadn't done it yet and inspired by the poem I replied:

"time is a gift, use it"

That shut her up.

...for a brief moment and then she kicked me up the arse.
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 21:25, Reply)

I put off applying for permanent residence.
When the soon to be ex husband and I got married, I put off applying for LPR status (legal permanent resident, i.e. green card) for 2 years as I didn't want anyone to think that was the only reason I married him.

We applied in July 2006. We had the interview, and the interviewing officer had no problem with our marraige. Just a tiny tiny (fucking huge) issue was that I'd left the country in '05 to go home for grandads funeral. This subject me to a 10 year bar from the US, and what's considered "illegal presence". My saving grace was that I was paroled into the US at a port of entry (i.e., they stamped my passport) which meant I was eligible for a waiver.

Applying for the waiver turned the process from a 3 month straight shoot into a nail biting, nerve wracking 15 month nightmare facing a probable denial and pending deportation.

Mum got the cancerbadness. There was no way in hell I could leave the country as I would be permanently banned from the US and my applications would be denied.

My green card was approved a month to the day after mum passed away earlier this year.

If I hadn't have put off the application for 2 years, I would have been able to see her one last time or at least attended the funeral.
As it was, the last time I saw her was a year ago next week when she came out and surprised me for Thanksgiving.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 21:13, 5 replies)

Adrenalin, the best drug of all
I've long been known in the family for leaving things to the last minute.

My sister still tells stories about my packing for family holidays being left too late and on arrival in Lanzarote for a week’s holiday opening my suitcase to find 12 t-shirts, a pair of swimming trunks and one sock.

But it usually works out in the end, as was proved at university. For my final year ‘extended essay’ (6,000 words on South African revolutionary literature – there’s something that’s proved useful) I had yet to start the damn thing two days before it was due in. After a failed attempt to get an extension I set to work.

So, having skimmed the material I set out to gather materials necessary for a full on work session. Two bottles of gin, one bottle of lime juice and a freezer ful of ice cubes, check. A quarter of soapy hash and a packet of pipe filters, check. Cassette of Pink Floyd’s ‘The Wall’ on loopback, check. Two biros, check.

I sat down to write (we didn’t have computers in those days) and 41 hours of continuous work later I had it done, albeit with a hand that felt like it had been borrowed by a 13 year old at an underwear convention. I sat in the shower for half an hour getting clean and trying to stop giggling, wobbled down to my tutor and handed it in, before going home to sleep for a day and a bit.

The result? She said it was the best thing that I’d ever written.

Since then I’ve become a journalist and have carried on with the same work habits. I’ve lost count of the number of articles I’ve done that were finished after an all-nighter, although these days without the illicit substances. It always cheers me up to think that people are reading them thinking that they are the result of weeks of careful study when in fact they rely on accumulated experience and the ability to work all night when there’s money involved.

I went out with a doctor once and she told me that such activity is not at all uncommon. Procrastination is in fact a good survival technique; the adrenalin kicks in and the brain starts operating at peak efficiency. Let this be a lesson to you, planning gets you nowhere.
(paxvobiscum, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 21:03, 3 replies)

16 some years
we met 16 or so years ago.

Lovers, best friends, we've been living together a good, oh, dozen of those years now.

There's been ups and downs and even some side to sides but...

I keep meaning to ask her, to make it official...

She doesn't seem to mind but...

I really should ask =)

Maybe next year? something quiet in the fall?

Maybe ask tonight?

hmmmm =)




What do you think?

Should I ask her out?

maybe even "go steady"?



It's such a big decision!
( Allisade would love to hear from you, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 20:59, 2 replies)

Procrastination Timetable
For the benefit of any other b3tan's who have assignments due, this is probably how it'll all pan out even if you do everything in your power to make sure it doesn't. I give you my 75 point procrastination timetable.

1. Get given an assignment. Due in 6 weeks? Pfft, easy.

2. One week goes by. No worries.

3. Two weeks go by. All under control. It'll be done.

4. Three weeks go by. Three weeks 'til hand in date? Plenty of time.

5. Four weeks go by. Okay, two weeks to go.

6. Think about starting assignment. Ooh...Loose Women is on.

7. Five weeks go by. Seven days to go, God managed to make the whole universe in six days. Consider this my day of rest. I'll start tomorrow.

8. Right, let's get this done. Then five days of freedom when everyone else is stressing.

9. Open word. Search the internet for a while.

10. Is that the time? Three hours have gone by and all I have written is a title? Must be a sign. Quit word. Roll on tomorrow.

11. Repeat 9 and 10 for the next four days.

12. Two days to go. Shiiiiit.

13. Change facebook status to prove you are 'gonna nail this essay'.

14. Open word.

15. Open msn and set status to 'online'. Alternatively, xbox live.

16. Chat about how screwed you are.

17. Why is it so silent? Ah, music...hmm, what to choose.

18. Back to word. Stare aimlessly at the screen for five minutes. Write the title.

19. Back to facebook. Anyone said anything new? No? Damn.

20. Emails...

21. Underline the title on word. Write a poor introduction.

22. Ah, a coffee will keep me focused.

23. Text a few mates. Another friend from school signs onto msn. Haven't spoken in awhile - some things are more important than assignments.

24. Do i fancy going out tonight? This is due in in 48 hours...

25. You're right! I do have a whole other day to do it.

26. Exit word. Save? Nah, I have only written an introduction, and it's crap.

27. £4 for a pint? Just because it's after 12? Eugh...good night though, wahey!

28. Wake up at 4pm. Assignment time.

29. May as well watch this made for tv film on Five.

30. Seriously though, I need to do an assignment. No distractions.

31. Sign onto msn. This time as 'appear offline'.

32. Who's online? Oh okay, I suppose I could chat to them. Change status to 'busy' or 'away'. That'll stop everyone from talking.

33. Could do with a drink.

34. Music please!

35. Open word. Focusing is key. Write title and underline in one go. Write a not-half-bad introduction. 1893 words to go.

36. Relax. The first 100 or so weren't so bad. How hard can the last 1900 be? Why worry?

37. Change facebook status to something optimistic.

38. Check email.

39. Back to word.

40. Stare blankly at the screen for ten minutes in between chatting to a mate on msn.

41. End of break. Just need another coffee.

42. Proper end of break now.

43. Do a page of solid writing in a ten mintue time slot. You bullshit well! Nice work.

44. Give yourself a break.

45. Okay, any new notifications or emails?

46. New b3ta qotw. Read the best of the old qotw. Submit a reply to the new qotw.

47. Back to the essay. Write nothing over the next few hours. To make yourself feel better though, rearrange some paragraphs and add or delete words as appropriate.

48. Complain to various friends on msn that you won't get this damned essay done.

49. Compile amusing excuses to get out of doing it.

50. Okay 1am. Wikipedia...whatever happened to Nerds?

51. No way! They're still made?...Okay proper article to help me now.

52. Can't do it! They'll know. Meh, copy...paste...remove hyperlinks.

53. Edit well.

54. Moan to other friends on msn and facebook.

55. You're all done? Good work! I'll be up a while yet.

56. Sleep.

57. Two hours until hand in.

58. Gain a conscience. Delete all wikipedia stuff.

59. Write the essay with no references. Make a few names and books up. Would they really check every reference?

60. Done!

61. Print now? Nope, still an hour to go.

62. Check tv guide. What was missed last night? No worries, it'll be on iplayer/4od. Watch missed prgramme.

63. Print.

64. Is that the time?

65. Change facebook status lamenting the fact you are so screwed because of the time.

66. Quick check of emails...

67. Quick drink.

68. Leg it to the hand in room.

69. Why is it on the third floor?

70. Success! Handed in. Time for a drink.

71. Get home and change facebook status to state that you 'rock'

72. Receive result. It's a pass. Never in doubt.

73. Celebrate.

74. Roll on a new assignment!

75. Repeat from step 1.








Apologies for length but in my experience at least, this is how it is...
(Foz, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 20:59, 17 replies)

I'm lazy
I am very lazy. It's purely because I always think I can be doing something better with my time, but then I just end up pissing around.

For example, when I'm at work, I can make an hour's job take all day. I look at b3ta for new posts, check bbc for the latest news. Perhaps venture to a games site for a few minutes. Look at the clock and it's late afternoon and I haven't started. Oh dear. It's great having unfiltered web access :)

Another example of my idiotic timewasting is when it came to my good self choosing a University to waste 4 years of my young life. When it came to the time for us to start going to open days, I decided my time would be best spent playing Championship Manager and learning Japanese. Open days came and went, and on the last weekend before the UCAS form had to be filled in, I decided to travel to two of my preferred Unis......
I ended up watching Saturday Kitchen, Football Focus, then playing with the cat for an hour and cooking a cake.
When it came down to filling in the form, I picked a course that sounded interesting, and I picked Uni's that looked alright from their websites. So in essence, I made a decision that would affect the next 4 years of my life in 10 minutes. Was a decent decision as it turns out, but anyway.

I also started writing a novel. I've written 40,000 words so far. I started writing it 5 years ago. The 'latest' version is stuck on the hard-drive of my broken old computer, so I need to get someone to transfer it for me. However, I keep putting it off. I'm putting something off, which if I stopped putting it off, would help me to carry on with something that I keep putting off, which I will probably keep putting off anyway. Hope that makes sense.

And who do I blame for my procrastination and inability to finish anything?

I place the blame squarely on YOU. All of you people who make pictures and animations that make me laugh, or just jealous at how good you are. All of you who post entertaining links. All of you who talk drivel on /talk that I like to read (and participate in now and again). Mostly, all of you who contribute to the QOTW, which has been the main source of my enjoyment for the past few years; both writing entries for it, and reading your (sometimes) great entries.

Thanks for making life a little less boring.
(Dazzorifik is bored of b3ta, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 20:57, Reply)

The Obvious
Obviously B3ta had been done by the 5th post or so but it does waste a good hour or 2 a day...

There is no excuse not to procrastinate whilst at work, get away with as much as you can! Here are the tried and trusted methods:

have a fag
have a poop
make tea and chat to EVERY person on the way back to the desk
"visit" a faraway office and not come back
do a sandwich run for the office
sleep in the hub room
sleep in the server room

At home things are different, some finesse needs to be applied:


Tell her to do it
(Jimmy Large Is huffing Jenkem on, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 20:51, Reply)

Spanish
I spent five years getting to Spanish 2.

This isn't exactly procrastination but what the hell.

First year was a thing our school did where you learned a little of french, german, spanish, and latin - a quarter of the year on each and you picked up the basics of hello, counting and the like. I aced it - and quite enjoyed it, and thought I might like to learn them all.

Second year - Officially Spanish 1... but the teacher was a moron. She was a 70 old woman who didn't know spanish - she thought calling dogs "el bow-wow" and cats "el meow" was just cute as all get out and spent about 3/4rs of the year teaching one irregular verb. Blew my mind but it wasn't very hard so what the heck.

Third Year - Spanish 2. Oh shit. I don't *know* anything cause my teacher was useless (and, to be fair, I hadn't gone out of my way to really try to learn things on my own either) - I barely manage to get through with a D average and I'm told that, during the last couple weeks of the year that due to my poor grade they're going to put me in Spanish 1 for the final test so I can get a good grade and pull up my GPA. Believing they were offering a kindness (but not really understanding why) I agreed and aced the final ("el bow-wow for the win") and got an official "C" for the year.

Fourth year - the next year I find out they want me to do Spanish 2 again. What? But I did it... Wait. Ok - I kinda see why, I mean technically I only passed span 1 again - even though I did a years work of barely passing span 2 first... but... wait... if I had understood - I would have just gotten the D in span 2 and been done ... SHIT. Another year of this? this sucks!

And oh hell no ... they've put the moron in charge of teaching spanish2 now.

I'd have better luck taking the "el vroomvroom" to the "lee-bree-airy-o" than sitting through this shit.

Coincidentally, spanish shared the same work period as my girlfriends lunch hour that year.

I think I showed up maybe once every week or two on average. I had my lunch, then I had lunch with her and made out behind the gym. for a year. It was good.

According to the tests - I got a B - according to my 47 absences. I failed.

5th Year - they let the moron teach spanish 2 again. It was my senior year. My girlfriend and I had broken up and spanish was first period now. Oh well. B grade (I just couldn't be bothered to really try - though at this point I could teach it better than she could.) and I was officially done with the language requirement for american high school.

Some of us don't exactly want to be monolingual idiots... but ... well.

The Procrastination part?

When I found out my highschool spanish wouldn't count at college and I'd have to take span 1 & 2 over again to meet requirements?

I've managed to put off doing that for 15 years now.

Hasn't hurt my career as a (computer) language instructor at all =)
( Allisade would love to hear from you, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 20:47, 1 reply)

Dissertations take all year my arse!
My final year of uni beckoned, I get my plan ready for the most kick arse dissertation ever, get everything done in the holidays research wise, then write it at leisure.

Did this happen? Did it hell. I managed a bit of data collection two weeks before hand in date, thhhheeennnn....

19 hours before deadline, pilled up on ProPlus, lots of orange juice and biscuits.. I started writing it.

19 hours later it was handed in, my zoomy fast typing skills garnering 40 pages, 8500 words, complete with maps, diagrams and as much analysis as possible following the rather crappy data collection, it was done.

I failed. Unsurprisingly.

So with my whole degree resting on the rewrite, I thought I had better get on with making some major revisions and spending a lot of time on it.


14 hours to hand in, I sat down and started writing... binned half the original analysis, spent half the time actually reading some of the subject matter, realised practically everything I said initially was bollocks, rewrote it. Handed it in. Passed.

You can follow my progress of that March on my youtube (search for 24 hour dissertation), which was my number one procrastination tool. I CAN AVOID DOING WORK BY JUST TALKING ABOUT IT. YEAH!

Yeah.
( MCQ Cartoons n' shit: bagowank.com, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 20:41, 2 replies)

I hate Christmas.

I hate shopping.

I really hate Christmas shopping.

I really really hate Christmas shopping when the shops are full of the kind of idiots that rush around at the last minute having put their Christmas shopping off for as long as possible.

The kind of idiots like I am.

Every. Single. Year.
( Moey, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 20:37, 1 reply)

i am
still in my dressing gown.

i woke up at 2 and haven't bothered to get ready for anything
(outofkey "iaaaaan! your mum's on the phone!", Thu 13 Nov 2008, 20:23, 4 replies)

I really am quite a geek...
...not in a computery way, just that my primary form of procrastination is in fact reading the BBC news website! I don't know how it started, just that now I can easily spend hours on it instead of doing my essays. This however, is generally a brilliant form of procrastination - keeping me right up to date with issues for my exams, without me even realising I'm studying!
(deadly_sinners, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 20:22, Reply)

I put off going to the doctor
I can't remember how long for but I think it was about 10 years.
Ended up having to have an operation for something that could probably have been fixed with some tablets at the time.

The consultant at the hospital also seemed to procrastinate about seeing me and it was 4 months before I actually got to see anyone about it (GP told me it would be 6-8 weeks).

Then hospital kept cancelling the operation for another 3 months. It was like the surgeon couldn't be arsed. Worst was when I hadn't eaten for 24 hours (feeling quite ill for it), was all packed and ready and they phoned 5 minutes before we were about to leave.

After the op I had to go back for a check up. The first appointment got cancelled because the nurse decided to take the day off after making the appointment.

In my defence I did blag a day off school initially and tried to make an appointment at the doctors, but they didn't have any appointments so I didn't bother trying again - bloody NHS.

100% true story unfortunately!
( thistle, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 20:22, Reply)

Being panto season
this is the busiest time of year at work, and with the current financial climate it's tougher than usual.

So this is what I've been spending my days creating:
www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=79557&l=a5f21&id=568575943
(no facebook account required to view)

First one to guess them all wins a pony.
( Peregr1n @peregr1n, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 20:19, 4 replies)

What trash?
My very first apartment had a "trash corner"

I kept meaning to buy a trash can but... for the living room we ended up just using a spot where two desks pushed together with the corner of the walls to form a box - we just tossed shit there for years.

I always insisted I would clean it out that weekend and put a proper trash can in ... but honestly I really enjoyed banking shots off the walls or just throwing things blindly over my shoulder and knowing they ended up in their "proper" place.

Sometimes I'd make a half hearted attempt to lessen the density of the pile in there - but basically I just let it naturally biodegrade and enjoyed the faint heat it gave off as it composted.

4 years later we moved out, took the desks away - and a near two meter tall compacted sculpture of papers, wrappers, and god knows what else stood on it's own in all it's glory in the corner.

It was kinda pretty. Vivid shiny colors of candy and crisps consumerism mixed with the whites and comforting pastels of the meaningless mailings and bureaucratic paperwork that'd been duefully tossed where they belonged over the years. Glued together with whatever liquids had been left in paper cups, the grease of the working man and every bit of random whatsit that I'd been just too damn lazy to get up and walk over to the trashcan in the kitchen it was really surprisingly stable and solid.

It's quite possible we could have moved it like one big piece of furniture if we were feeling adventurous and weren't worried that if we grabbed it, it would grab back - but I just decided I'd leave it there for the landlord to deal with (the last year had seen a change in management and the new ones deserved a bit of trashing, so to speak =)) I figured losing the cleaning deposit a fair loss for not being bothered.

Found out a few days later that my roommate was more enamored with the deposit than I was (she hadn't even paid it in the first place!) but equally unwilling to deal with the corner... so she asked her little brother to stop by and "tidy" up the place before the landlord got to see it but after we were long gone... her brother apparently spent an entire Saturday undoing the damage - some ridiculous number of bags of trash removed, then more time on hand and knee with full on scrubbing to fix up the carpet and walls. When I heard (and if I hadn't been the one to get the cleaning deposit out of the mail I'm pretty sure I'd never *have* heard word one about his part in any of it) - I spent the returned deposit on getting him a new big fancy computer monitor for his bday (I figured he had earned it =))

All in all - they've never let me live it down - though recently we all moved in together again so I guess they don't hold it against me. much.

I still remember it shining in the afternoon sun, glinting, rustling, calling to me to just to light one match... I can only imagine the colors of flame that unnatural collection of compacted grease, paper and whatnot would have produced...

It's a good image though =)
( Allisade would love to hear from you, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 20:13, Reply)

I think my Uni has caught on about internet procrastination...
I should be writing a report right now but I'm reading b3ta instead.... increadibly slowly.

I'm also downloading an album at the moment. The current statistics are

Time Elapsed: 2h 18m
Downloaded: 2.42mb
Average Download Speed: 306B/s (Yes BYTES!!)

What's worse is this is in my halls and its about normal....Oh well, just means it will be longer before the whole QOTW page has loaded and I'm done reading them.

By which time I'll likly be about 7 weeks behind.

I'll write my better one out later.

Length - currently estimated at 2 weeks 1 day to download a 56mb file. I could probobly write, learn, perform and record the album quicker than this
(The_Mighty_Spleen, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 20:05, 3 replies)

Ticket to ride.....
I ordered something from a website (I can't remember where) and it turned up the next day. Unfortunately, I was out and the City Link driver left, leaving his card. I got home, found the card. My first thought was "Oh, screw it! I can't be bothered to pick it up myself. I'll call them and they can deliver it to my work address.", then, a little voice popped into my head. "Stiggy? Stiggy! Just how flipping lazy are you going to be? You fat, lazy spud! Pick up the card & your keys and go and get the parcel!". So, I printed off a some of instructions on how to get there and set off.

I drove out of my road and jumped straight on the motorway.....and straight into the rush hour traffic. Yes, I forgot what the time was and was now stuck in traffic. The real sod of it was by the time I could find the exit to get off, I was 75% of the way there! So, I listened to some classical music on the radio and relaxed. By the time I reached the exit, it had gotten dark. Reading a set of instructions, in the dark and whilst driving is phenomenally dangerous as I found out, by taking a wrong turn and ending up off-roading in a farmer's field in a Toyota Yaris. Toyota Yarises are great cars, but, believe it or not, they're not good at off roading! After that mishap, I got lost on an industrial estate, asking loads of burly men where the City Link depot is. They were wondering why a short man in a Toyota Yaris was cruising a desolate industrial estate at 7:30 in the evening (Yes, I'd taken 3 hours to do a 30 minute trip!). Eventually, I found the depot, parked up and went in. I presented my card and waiting for my parcel. In fact, I waited quite a bit of time, 20 minutes to be precise! Eventually, when the man/woman (to this day, I'm still not sure what it was) came back she said "Yes, here's your parcel, do you have any ID?".

Can you guess what the next problem was, children?

Yes, in my haste in leaving the house, I grabbed my keys and phone, but left my wallet at home! "Well, without ID, I can't give you the parcel.". So, it was a completely wasted journey! I'd stayed in traffic for an hour, went off roading, "cruised" an empty industrial estate at night and encountered a lady boy, all for approximately naff all! So, I arranged another delivery and made sure I was home for it.

The twist in this tale is the parcel itself. Can you guess what I ordered?

Yep! I'd ordered a brand new, top of the range, Tomtom sat-nav!

Moral of story: Sometimes, procrastination can actually save you time! I'm such a tool.....

Length? Well, it lasted a lot longer than it should have......
(The Stig, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 19:53, Reply)

(Catt What? well maybe.. yes?, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 19:49, Reply)

Ok
Once I visited a country that was populted entirely by rude Prostitutes...

it was a Pro' Crass ti Nation...


*sorry*
(kitescreech still here, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 19:46, Reply)

I am applying to do a PGCE
Why would I want to surround myself with the little horrors?? The holidays. It's only ever about the holidays.

So, I applied last year and then had to turn down the offer I got (coz I love my job at the mo - and it gives me money), intending on reapplying this year.

The issue - the 47 LINE personal statement.

The procrastination - I have already written this, it's on a USB key, saved from last year.

Why the extra leap to pressing the "apply" button is so hard I cannot tell you, but in the meantime I have:

Bought all this year's Christmas presents, planned two holidays, stopped lurking and started posting...

Oh the list goes on.....

this weekend alone I have POLISHED my entire house, mended a pair of shorts, dug out some old ball gowns to take to the dry cleaners (4 years' procrastination right there), watched more shite on TV than I care to remember, baked banana bread, and taught the poor dog (more of him elsewhere) what can only be described as circus tricks.

I did TRY to teach him how to load the washing machine, but he got too excited and started throwing my grubby clothes everywhere. I'm not giving up on that yet, though.

STILL haven't sent application off.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 19:44, 3 replies)

A few years ago
My girlfriend and I split up. We had bought a house with a joint mortgage and sold my previous flat.

She wanted to sell the new place quickly, but I procrastinated in doing the things that needed to be done to sell the place and managed to hold on and live in the house for a further 2 years, with her paying half of the mortgage.

Result!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 19:42, 1 reply)

Jeremy Kyle
Have you ever found that Jeremy Kyle becomes addictive watching whenever a deadline nears?

Oh, well at least now I know that Tara's eldest son wasn't the father of her new born child! Phew!

It was actually her cousin, but swings and roundabouts. (Eldest son isn't allowed near them. Charges were filed, I forget the details.)
(Ginger_Whinger got in the newsletter!! =D, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 19:41, 1 reply)

Job Interview
So I had a Job interview earlier this year (Deputy Manager), I really wanted it and thought I had a chance. I decided to brush up on my NICE Guidelines, so I took a load of relevant ones home (Mental Health related ones) and told Mrs Kite and Kite Jr to leave me alone for a few hours. I figured each would take an hour to skim and get the salient points from, and I had about 6 so from 10 til 5 (1 hours lunch thrown in) I was to not be disturbed...

Shame I didn't get the job, but it was the best afternoon nap I'd had for a few weeks.
(kitescreech still here, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 19:41, Reply)

I have an amazing story of procrastination...
but I really can't be bothered to type it out. I'll do it later.
(Ginger_Whinger got in the newsletter!! =D, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 19:38, Reply)

Girlfriend
I really liked this girl. She said that she thought I was funny. There was a big age gap between us, so I didn't ask her out. I thought that society would look down on us. I procrastinated over asking her out for more than 10 years. Finally I worked up the courage to ask her out but she already had a boyfriend.
So here this! Never let society stand in the way of what you want!

Bloody child protection laws.
(Ginger_Whinger got in the newsletter!! =D, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 19:36, Reply)

My ex mother in law
Was a lovely woman, but with a complete inability to be on time for anything. Something would always distract her - stroking the cats, watching the telly, going and having a bath instead of getting ready for work whe she was on a late shift (she managed an off licence, so sometimes worked the 4 - 10 shift).

On a trip through to her family for dinner, I asked her "So what time are we supoposed to be there?" (this being about 1 o'clock and knowng that her sister liked to have Sunday lunch early - like at lunch time).

"Well, I've just spoken to her, and the meat is out of the oven and on the bench", came the reply.

Which meant that we should have been there half an hour ago and it's a 40 minute drive through to her sisters house.

When she contracted her third, and terminal, bout of breast cancer, she managed to hang on for a good couple of weeks longer than she should have done - no doubt finding other things to do as she lay there, virtually comatose. Probably playing with kittens in her dreams.

The biggest summing up of her procrastination / tardiness, though, came when she was actually 10 minutes late for her funeral.

Lovely woman. I miss her sometimes.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 13 Nov 2008, 19:35, Reply)

My other bike is a bike.
I'll be 33 in a couple of months and I haven't yet had a single driving lesson. Nothing to do with procrastination, I just haven't ever wanted to learn how to drive, so haven't.

I have, however, done my CBT; so I can drive motorbikes up to the value of 125cc. I intend to do my full bike test eventually, but seem to keep putting it off until it becomes more difficult and more expensive, but that's not what this is about, either.

This is about the collection of bikes I seem to be amassing.

When I first completed the CBT I procured, for a very reasonable price, a low rate, 50cc chav chariot that would just about get me from home to work and back again. It was slow, noisy, embarrassing, and made me feel like a cunt, but it did the job, and was quicker than the bus.

However, I soon grew tired of everyone (rightly) treating me like a 16 year old scumbag, decided to upgrade and purchased a 10 year old Vespa with a whole 125cc's of twist and go power. Still not the best bike in the world, but a world better than the pile of arse I'd ridden for the whole month or so before.

Now, the logical, normal, sensible thing would have been to flog the other one while it was still relatively new, had no obvious faults (beyond itself) and could still command a better price than the one I paid for it.

But I didn't. I let it sit until the battery became useless; so I replaced the battery. Then I let it sit until it wouldn't even tick over without an hour of stamping on the kick start; so I spent an hour or so stamping on the kick start. Then I let it sit until the lock rusted to the point where the key would break before it would open; so I broke the key in the lock.

Now, almost two years on, it still sits outside my house, its sole purpose is to provide something heavy and unwieldy for me to lock my Vespa to when I'm not using it. I've registered it SORN, haven't bothered to insure it and can't even give it away.

So, if you know of anyone in the Greater London area that wants a hair dryer with wheels and has a pair of bolt cutters, I can point you in the direction of a smart little scooter; two careful owners, etc....
( Moey, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 19:29, 9 replies)

I am a rather lazy git.
I've lived in the same gaff for about 14 years, and still havent unpacked boxes of stuff.
Decorated about 5 years ago, and took the door knobs off to paint the doors. they're still not on, items of cutlery are stuck in every door, for the opening of.
And on a regular basis, would buy new socks and boxers, cos I couldn't be arsed to use the washing machine.
I'm a real catch girls :)
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 13 Nov 2008, 19:26, 1 reply)