My missus thinks i'm lazy.
The reason for this is because a few months back I got prodded from my pit at 7.30am to take kids to school, I had only had about 8 hours sleep.
I took them to school, and was back at the lovely chipper time of 9am.
I had a cup of tea and the missus asked if i was gonna have a shower, i said 'not yet, i'm gonna have a tinker with the car today i'll have one after that'.
I then fell asleep.
She woke me at 3pm and told me she was going to get the kids from school, i mumbled something about the armchair being on the roof or something, then went back to sleep.
I then got woken up by missus asking if i was drowning because i had a rather disgustingly huge soggy face/neck/arm of the sofa situation going on. I squelched my face off the sofa, and practically sprinted to the loo where my eyes cleared up (but i hadn't missed) and I looked at my watch, it was just after 7.30am.

I had, again, missed Wednesday completely. I had slept for about 30 hours in the last 32.

I sleep for excessive amounts of time quite often, because of this i usually put things off until later, like the shower, but then i end up falling asleep again therefore missing it completely.


qwik edit.

Oddly enough, i just spent the past 4 hours making an old lg chocolate run on AA batteries because i couldn't be bothered to go out and turn the light off in my garage and take the keys out of my car door that's sat on the driveway*.
So procrastinating can sometimes make you more constructive. :)


*=it's 3am, and i still haven't done it, and now i'm putting it off even more by putting this on here, and catching up on b3ta.
(Mensa Reject has gone out, I'll be back on, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 2:52, 2 replies)

What do you fill the time with? Freecell & Minesweeper
In the two months I've been at Uni I've left all my work to the last minute, choosing instead to spend my time playing the games that come along with Windows (and neglecting TF2 a bit).

Freecell
Games Played: 780 (was 779 when I started writing this post)
Games Won: 766 (was 765)

Win Percentage 98%

Apparently, when it works out the win percentage, it rounds downwards, so I've worked out that I'll need to get to 1400 games to go up to 99% (assuming I win them all).

It's really annoying me that I'll never get the win percentage to 100%, but I feel I've gone too far to just reset the scores.

I'm dreading coming across #11982.


Minesweeper (Advanced)
Best Time: 133s
Games Played: 744
Games Won: 105

Win Percentage: 14%

As far as I'm concerned, I'm doing everything right most of the time, it's just my luck and mis-clicks that are letting me down here.

What really annoyed me was the time I was left with a 50:50 split at the end on a game that would've shaved about 10 seconds off my best time (and failed). I always used to think that Minesweeper was a game of logic, but there's a hell of a lot of luck involved (partly why I prefer Freecell).
(Calump too many camels spoil the hummus, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 2:40, 2 replies)

one or possibly two conjoined words.
facebook.

i have nothing more to add
(loobyla, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 1:32, 1 reply)

Passport
Nagged, reminded, teased, everything. Father, school friends, then boyfriends, uni friends and work friends...

Me. Aged 16. Hears "Ooh, you can come on wine trips with me in France!". Decide a passport is a good idea.

Year 1 and 2: Several incompleted forms, usually with a few mistakes and then "WANKERY FORM" scrawled across it after the final mistake, usually then with dot-to-dot doodles based on the boxes on the form.

Year 3:
I get hold of my birth certificate. Which I hadn't been able to obtain until that point because my own mother had spelt my name wrong, and was insistent it was spelt that way (god knows what happens if I ever work in the US, they tear this sort of stuff down...)

Year 3,4,5,6:
More incomplete forms. Difficulties in finding anyone who had known me long enough who was authorised to counter sign the passport. Long series of photos taken that never really found their way towards where they were meant to go.

Year 7:
March:
I finally have a form! Woo! It's all counter signed and lovely and with the right evidence!

July: I finally get round to posting the form.

July: Letter. I need to add father's details, despite the notes stating that I didn't have to. This means the entire form redone. With a new counter signature and photo. And no refund on the check and send because everything was fine according to the notes...

August: Letter. They then wanted proof of where I have lived for the past 3 years, from an authority *they* stated. I only really had university. Got a letter out of them by the 7th or so.

September:
I post the university letter.

Late September: Letter. Asking to book interview.

October:
And then there was the interview. Quizzed about *everything*

* The names of who I had lived with for the past 3 years, including date of births of various people they picked
* *Everything* they could find about my parents
* How I had an internet connection, what company the broadband was with and in whose name was on the bill
* How I paid for my mobile phone
* Whether I had any loans, credit agreements, catalogues, overdrafts
* Who I banked with for every account I have had

And various other lovelies they pulled from their computer.

A few weeks ago:
I HAVE A PASSPORT! You cannot imagine the glee in having a piece of paper that states you exist when you haven't been able to get one before. I studied the detailed green paper for hours, the little chip in the back of my head, my serial killer photo, holding it up to the light and seeing all the little stencils they've put in, reading all the text inside the passport...

So what would have been a straightforward "shove kid on passport, transfer, renew" at 16 became an interrogation, lots of calls from nice sounding middle aged men at the passport office chasing me up and the scary realisation that the government authorities can find out far too much about you.

So the option is to not procrastinate, or to do what I did.

Next task: Driving Licence. 7 years now – I really should get it sorted...
(mmmm curry doesn't really understand this sig lark, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 1:26, 5 replies)

I have
pidegeony/Snarky sitting on my lap, wasting my time.

It is worthwhile, but ultimately futile.
(LickOutTheJamsMotherfuckers!, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 0:55, Reply)

like everyone else
I thought of posting "I'll tell you later".

I looked at the answers, and found that someone had already posted that.

Since they got around to it before me, please click 'I like this' on my post.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 0:46, Reply)

How do I procrastinate?
What the hell do you think I come here for?!
( Extinct Jesus Dossier "...I think it counteracts Hitler's magic...", Fri 14 Nov 2008, 0:37, 1 reply)

I wonder....
.... how many people will reply with "I'll tell you tomorrow" or other hilarious things along those lines. We're all inevitably itching to do so the moment a procrastination thread comes up.

College assignments were always a last minute (well, last day - literally) rush for me, but I'd always get decent marks anyway. I filled in the time with Everquest and beer drinking - usually at the same time.

As for work - if I have something to get my teeth into (I absolutely LOVE learning things through "Trial and Google") I'm highly productive. If your employer is decent enough to count learning stuff along the way as productive. The rest of the time... umm, b3ta?

Another classic procrastination time filler is spending lots of time doing time management/planning. Nothing like spending 2 weeks planning the quickest/most efficient way to do a 2 day job ;)
(Cloudane, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 0:22, Reply)

Hhm
I'll post something good tomorrow.
(Fidoh, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 0:08, 1 reply)

Pointless calculation...
This was during my A levels, which I'd been taking very, very seriously - getting up early and drinking far too much coffee.

I started by organising my CD collection alphabetically, then decided that actually, this wasn't telling me anything and I needed more INSIGHT!!!!

So, I created a scorecard which listed some friends and family for the purpose of comparison (7 people in total) and went through my CD collection ranking each CD versus each person on whether they'd love it, like it, find it passable, dislike it, or hate it. Each of which had a numerical value (1 for hate, 5 for love, etc.)

THEN, of course, I had to factor in length of CD, so I put each CD individually into my CD player until the total album time showed up, so I could note it down.

Then, for each person, I calculated how much of my CD collection (in minutes) fitted into each strata of 'liking-ness', then multiplied that number by the appropriate value from 1-5 for each strata.

I didn't know how to use spreadsheets (or have office) at the time so this was done with pen and paper and a calculator and took forever.

You know what? The person on there with closest music taste to me was the one person I'd added on only because I thought he was a total tool and I wanted to prove to myself I was much more discerning and 'tasteful' than him.

Also, of course, it was a monumental waste of time and not even a very robust scientific method.

Actually incredibly relaxing though!
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 0:04, Reply)

i have to work late tonite
because ive been here all day
( Azathoth thinks my name isn't so bad..., Thu 13 Nov 2008, 23:57, Reply)

Crap poetry
The best way to avoid doing something useful:

The snow it is falling; outside it is white
Inside it is not; it's as black as the night
And now there's a thing; black snow, what a sight
I'll tell you something, it just isn't right...

---

God I am bored; these rhymes will undo me
I'll swallow a sword; perhaps then a fruit tree
There they'll be stored; in perpetuity
Will I fit in my Ford, or be able to ski...?

----

Poor little f; abandoned and lost
How could you do it; with him being deaf?
Poor little letter; so rudely quit
I'll have some more wine, but only a bit...

---

I hope you have sobered; more likely sleeping
A valance squandered; likely you're weeping
So R's drinking beer; I hope it's not seeping
Out through his ear, or through his nose creeping...
(Mucky has squinted at the screen with one eye shut since, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 23:44, Reply)

Putty
My avoidance of work whilst at work is kind of my main skill, so I may have a few for this QOTW.

There used to be a girl I worked with who I loved to wind up, mainly because she could lose her temper at the drop of a hat. Plus it gave me something to do other than...well, my job. The problem was, she was getting a little bit too easy to annoy.

So one day, out of nowhere, this weird dark blue putty stuff appears on my desk. I think it must have been plastecine. So I decided that rather than do any work that day, I would challenge myself to annoy this girl by only using the blue sticky stuff.

It worked a treat. Her phone and mouse got stuck down while she was busy serving a customer. The slide bolt to open the gate to the enquiry desk where she was working got gunked up with it. Her mug got stuck to the roof of the cupboard, just out of her reach. Her locker got completely gunked up so she couldn't open it.

This took me an entire workday. Oh, and I was the manager that day.

(And for the record, me and this girl are the very best of friends - she has since claimed she misses my abuse since I've gone).
(GONEism, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 23:41, Reply)

well
I have a scholarship chemistry exam tomorrow morning. The sort that is worth a fair bit of money and as such is worth a bit of study.

I'm reading b3ta.
(Holy Gabrielle is Holy, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 23:40, 1 reply)

Dusting
Not sure why but my room does get exceptionally dusty. Couple this with me being exceptionally lazy, and my room can sometimes look like a freshly discovered Egyptian tomb.

Anyway, my unwillingness to get off my arse and dust the place caused said dust to actually clog up and ruin my PS3, as well as making my HD TV go bang and die.

So my lazyness cost me nearly a grand.
(GONEism, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 23:28, Reply)

I came upstairs because I needed a shit.
It was 7.30pm.

I noticed Mrs Norris had left the PC on in the spare room.

I thought "ooh, I haven't read qotw on b3ta for ages, I'll have a quick look."

It's 11.20pm.

I still need a shit.
(Ali Bongo 9000 Ali Bongo 9000, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 23:21, 3 replies)

A level coursework
Wasn't started until 2.30am on the morning of the absolute deadline - it was being sent away that day.

Why did I start so late?

I was watching the snooker.
( MatJ LOOK, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 23:12, Reply)

Ack
I got made redundant a week ago today ^_^ [high fashion online retail fwiw)

Since then I have;

Updated CV
Signed on
Spent 50+ hours on the internet
Made 500+ posts on message boards
Cleaned my flat from top to bottom, including cobwebs, some dust behind the radiators and the bathmat
Washed every single cloth item in said flat, including cushion covers and a bed sheet twice (corner touched ground from washing line)
Masturbated, furiously
Alphetbetised my books
Alphetbetised my DVDs
Alphetbetised my CDs
Alphetbetised my games
Plucked and shaved all extraneous bits of self
Been on 3 (THREE) dates
Drunk 50 alcoholic drinks of varying strengths and sizes
Put my recycling in the rubbish because the recycling bins are over there and it's raining

What I have not done is apply for a job



*pop*
(spinger works in lefty heaven, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 23:10, 10 replies)

I'll write something here later.
No, really.
( Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Thu 13 Nov 2008, 22:57, Reply)

Also....
too lazy to bother finishing my chemistry and biology A levels 17 too many years ago, so now I'm a hairdresser, that back fired on me didn't it?
( randomwomanwholikespink, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 22:49, 2 replies)

Oh yeah and......
Im also so lazy that I havent posted in months, just been lurking.
( randomwomanwholikespink, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 22:45, Reply)

I'm.....
too lazy to read 3 pages of long posts, if its bindun I'm too lazy too apologize. You're lucky, I could have been too lazy to bother posting at all so stop moaning.
( randomwomanwholikespink, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 22:44, Reply)

First!
I would have posted it sooner, but a fellow came to install the bookshops new security system. It was so swish, it included a sound-proof door, as used in zoos. I was meant to listen to him telling me the unlock code, but there was a little man...
(The Incredible Sulk Finally remembered his password on, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 22:41, 7 replies)

Ah procrastination, I have a thousand and one stories I could tell about this
First of all a bit of background, I'll admit, I am pretty much seen as a nerd, although, I would never class myself as such (who would?). I wear glasses, chequered shirts and have even been known to wear school trousers outside of school hours (hey they're comfortable!). I rarely attend parties, don't drink and didn't even go to our school prom. I'm shy and as a result am usually very quiet around people, I mean really quiet, I still reckon that I managed to say less than one hundred words in a full two years worth of art lessons, but I usually pass it off by saying "I have nothing to say". It took a great amount of courage for me to tell my friends that I actually fancied a girl in Year 11, the first time I had ever admitted to doing so. I also have a huge love for video games and, until a couple of years ago, comic books as well.

I hate a lot of contemporary music as well, preferring to listen to classic rock and pop of the 60s and 70s and have been ridiculed many a time by my peers for my great love of the music of Robert Zimmerman. I also am renowned for almost never showing any emotion to people I don't know well. The kids would say "He never smiles" or "I've never heard him laugh/speak". I'm also known for getting good grades, having one 30-second detention throughout all of secondary school, never being on the wrong side of teachers and being generally a good student. So yes, I am the model of a model "geek".

However, unlike a geek, I am also the laziest person I know.

Seriously, it's almost like some sort of brain condition or something. It's not that I'll be too lazy to do something, it's just that I will always, leave it to the night before. Always.

This is extremely prevelant in my artwork. I consider myself an artist first and foremost. Always have, probably always will and although I'm a cartoonist at heart, I've always managed to produce decent work in lessons as well as at home. But, I could never do that work in advance.

In Year 10, I had some homework where I had to create a model of an animal out of junk. I left this to the night before and thought I actually had enough time to produce a paper mache hedgehog using cocktail sticks. I didn't. My brother ended up bailing me out, helping me make a small owl out of a tin can, broken CD, a lightbulb and some magnets. Funnily enough I never ended up submitting it for coursework.

Another time I had to do an artist study. I left it to the evening before and then realised our crappy printer didn't have enough colour ink to print the pictures I needed. My brother and me drove to ASDA to buy some, knowing full well that they did not sell the ink I needed, but we were desperate. They didn't have the ink; what did we do? We bought a new printer which ASDA did stock the ink for. My brother went to buy ink and came back with a £40 printer/scanner combo.

A different time I had some business coursework to produce. I could have done it at any time during half term, but instead left it till the last weekend where I had to do it at a friend's house because I learnt that my computer didn't have Excel. Then, exactly the same thing happened that summer holiday.

In Year 9 I had to produce a study of Mount St. Helens in any interesting medium. I managed to create a decent paper mache sculpture of the mountain, complete with cross-section and facts on the side, in just 5 hours the night before.

Another time I had english coursework I had to complete for a deadline the next day. I missed out on seeing The Chariot with my brothers as I had to stay home and do it. They ended up meeting the band as well!

So this summer I thought I'd get a job and earn some money before I started college. Did I? No. Originally I was going to apply to ASDA as soon as I finished my GCSEs, then I thought "Do I want to work there?" Then I played WoW for a month and came to the conclusion that it was too late to get a job now.

So college comes around and after two weeks I drop fine art and switch to graphic design. Do I make an awesome attempt to catch up? Hell no! I leave it all to 15:00 the day before the due date (fully aware that failure to submit could jeopardise continuation) and then spend a solid 10 hour period catching up on a whole terms work. I broke for just fifteen minutes to eat. It nearly fucking killed me. I ended up going to bed at 1 in the morning after a cold shower and had to get up just 5 and a half hours later.

After that I thought: "No more! I will not leave stuff to the last minute again!" But, actually I'm writing this just after having completed another sizable chunk of artwork that is due in tomorrow.

I have to wrap this up soon as I need to allow myself at least half an hour to do a politics question that is also due in tomorrow.

My ultimate act of laziness though, must be from May to July of this year. The exam period. My GCSEs. As you may know, Year 11s essentially finish the year a couple of months early so that they can spend time revising and prepping for exams.

I was doing anything but that.

I was working on getting 1000 Gamerpoints on Dead Rising which I was basically addicted to. I didn't revise for any of my subjects apart from maths, and the only reason I revised for that was because I knew my teacher would be there on results day to inspect our grades. I say I "revised", but really I just read my book once for an hour the night before.

But, I still came out of my GCSEs with all passes, 7 A's, 2 B's and 1 C.

Infact I realised that the subject I did the most revision for was religious studies the year before where I actually learnt the names of all the Gurus and their important actions.

The night before.

There's probably many more stories I have to tell; those certainly aren't all of them, but I really most go do that politics essay. And I've just realised that I've only done about half of my graphics work for this term so far. I could do it this weekend I suppose. At least I would, if I hadn't already planned on playing Gears of War 2 with littlenipple instead. Ah well, I'll do it the night before.

Length? About 500-600 words by eleven O'Clock; here goes!
( St. Defenestration The REAL one, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 22:36, 4 replies)

my guilty pleasure
is posting 35 weeks late.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 22:22, 2 replies)

The one essay I really should have done
Well, it wasn't an essay as such...it was a "home exam". God knows what that means. Anyway, it was for my least favourite part of my degree - Linguistics or how to make the English language, a thing of beauty, terminally boring.

So I didn't do it. Hadn't done it when the others had handed theirs in and got the results back.

My one friend on the course - this was only my second term into the degree - refused to let me copy hers as "the tutors would guess who you'd copied it off".

Fair enough.

Then my friend spots a student in the canteen.

"Ask her - she's in your hall".

So I did.

Ended up marrying her.

As a result of getting her pregnant.

My lovely, wonderful daughter is now nearly 21 (!).

You know how much children cost, though. And divorce isn't cheap either.

Not doing that work (which would have taken me 3 hours, when I had 5 weeks to do it in during the Easter vacation when I had nothing going on in my life) sure cost me.

But she's worth it.

My daughter I mean, not my dreadful ex.
( I_Was_Mordred, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 22:12, Reply)

English
i turned into a little shit in my 5th year at school. i never gave a fuck about my work and i quite regularly got in trouble. i never listened in class especially english as my teacher was a twat.i would always say i was going to the library to study/take out books but instead arse around on the net. Anyhoo! i had a really important prelim exam funnily enough i needed to pass cos i wanted to do higher English. i hadnt read any of the books, learnt any quotations etc. On the day of the exam i wrote the biggest load of bollocks about a book called Cal, At least i think thats what it was called. my creative writing story was cringeworthy to say the least. Nevertheless, i got an A without doing any work at all! awsum!

length? about 1000 words, poor grammar see me later.
(fernbrittonsexcessskin will give a shit later, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 22:06, Reply)

Inertia Strikes...Eventually.
My word, what a subject. I am afraid I will write rather disjointedly and piecemeal as I cannot be bothered to write in a logical and accessible fashion.

I am a serial procrastinator. Like other people on these boards I still have most of my possessions in boxes untouched for years. I still have bank paying in slips from when I was 15 that I haven't yet 'processed' (thrown away) and I only knew about the slips because I dropped a box by mistake when I was moving into my new house.

The new house that I have lived in for a year and I still haven't mowed the lawn. I haven't polyfilled some holes in the wall that were there from when the previous people removed the surround sound speakers. They look terrible. I didn't even know where the boiler was until it packed in the other day and had to get the man out. On the inside of the boiler was instructions to feed some water in every few months which I would have known and saved myself £180 if I had just opened the door and read it.

I have a book in my head that I *write* on the inside of my ears when I am bored or in the car driving. It is perfect. It has a compelling protagonist, interesting yet familiar situations, funny dialogue, several character driven story arcs. I reckon it would be great. I have had the book in my head for 15 years. I haven't even written down the book title down yet.

I have the book 'Crime and Punishment' by Dostoyevski on my bedside table. It is thick with dust and coffee rings. It has been there by my (different) beds for over 9 years.

Just this morning, this very morning, inertia took hold of me and wouldn't let go. I am on vacation at the moment staying at home, and I woke up early. I was desperate to go to the toilet. Desperate. But it was cold. Very cold. So I waited and waited.

Then I waited some more.

Then a little bit of wee came out. I thought I could hold it. Hold. Hold. Then, the inevitable.

Then, and only then, I went to the toilet. Dragging my sheets downstairs. I will wash them eventually. Tonight - the bare mattress.

You know what I need? A bloody big bastard fire lit upside my ass.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 21:41, 2 replies)