By sheer accident or pervese design I have managed to live in...
WINSFORD in Cheshire, there is another town in Zummerset that shares its name with this atrocity. Take a small and quaint market town and ring it with housing estates ship denziens of diffrent areas of Liverpool and Machester and mix well with the xenophobic locals creating a 20 year aura of suspision and mutual distrust....there are still residents of Winsford who get on the bus and do their weekly shop in Liverpool, Yes people who would rather take a 30 mile 1 hour Bus journey rather than use the town center! This is normal behavior. Throw in a dual carriideway that was intended to bypass the town, but it was cheaper and more sartorialy eleagant to run it through the center of the town resembling a scar on a diseased buttock. If you want to leave you could try one of the 100's of taxis usually a 10 year old mondeo with a ripped seats and a air freshner that smells like a incontinent drunks vomit. Dont worry though you will exit the taxi within minutes as the taxi driver will be unable to navigate his way to such exotic metropolis as Crewe, Warrignton or Macc. You might be able to leave the town by Rail, but the Station is built on the outskirts of the town a scant 3 miles from the town center.
This is because the Locals fear the Mechanical Noisey Snake that carries people and have been known to offer their many many babies to it to appease the "Virgin" God-These pagan sacrifices have worked and a Argos has been built in town.
It does share a feature with Venice, Yes Winsford too is slowly sinking back into the earth, due to the town being built on hollow caverns,Not sinking fast enough though. The last major architectural work done in Winsford was to build a huge out of town Police station.
Stabbings are common, shootings not so as its hard to find black powder and musket balls and anything else is too technologically advance for the locals to wrap their minds around. There is a unique version of the highway code published in Wisford (Lots of pictures no words) allowing parking on the double yellow lines on the roundabout, lane discipline is a option and indicators are purley for decoration. Because insurace requires paperwork it is not botherd with.

Local Currency is the Cheesy Wotsit, 5 Wotsists are worth 1 can Stella, 5 cans are worth 1/8th of waterd down weed.


I now live in Bridgend and love it.
(Gru being trolled since 1998, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 13:34, 14 replies)

i have 5000 wotsits here
i will pop by for my 1000 cans of stella ;-)
(OTT, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 13:57, closed)

I work near Winsford..
..and sometimes business takes me near the town centre.
My wife used to run the Booze counter at the local Kwik Save too.

We can both attest to the accuracy of this description of the cesspit that is Winsford.
( Airman Gabber Living life like a 70's BBC presenter, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 14:02, closed)

Isn't Bridgend
suicide central at the moment?
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 14:06, closed)

.
When this question came up Winsford was the first town that popped into my mind.

I am currently working there (temporarily, thankfully) and I feel my soul rot every morning when I cross the town boundary.

With regards to gun crime, I've been reliably informed that gunpowder has made its way to Winsford and a gun was discharged on the estate a few weeks ago...
...it's amazing what slum clearance and relocation can do to a nice, rural market town.
(tim dog, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 14:12, closed)

I forgot to mention:
The first morning I drove in to Winsford I saw a dog get run over.
(tim dog, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 14:20, closed)

As opposed to...
..a dog pushing a pram through the indoor shopping centre?

Of which there are many.
( Airman Gabber Living life like a 70's BBC presenter, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 14:26, closed)

Yes Bridgend is a place where the young and dissafected hang themselves
But I fucking love it here.
(Gru being trolled since 1998, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 14:20, closed)

Good for you
I was born there. And, if its reputation is anything to go by, I'll probably die there. Although I'm over 18 now, so I'm probably safe.
( Sonic the Hedgetrimmer doesn't care what you think, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 17:26, closed)

I too
am a Winsford refugee! I used to work there (but lived out of town and commuted in, not far enough away if you asked me) and your description is 100% spot on!

*clicks*
(turkeywelder, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 15:00, closed)

I really really want to disagree with you but I can't
I live in Cuddington/Sandiway, 3 miles away and what a difference... about a third of the population with about 2% of the amenities/chavs/pubs!

Still it's not as bad as Northwich, which has more charity shops than normal ones!

Also did you know that the rent for one of the small shops in Winsford is nearly £3k a month!! WFT?
(Kip, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 19:05, closed)

I used to live in Sandiway!
Parents still live there.

HI!

Best sandstone tower ever!
(turkeywelder, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 13:58, closed)

Woot
for the sandstone tower.... You ever been in it? It's not as exciting as you imagined it would be as kids.
(Kip, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 14:31, closed)

I sometimes work in Winsford and yes, the main road through the town centre is a nightmare.
If you miss your turning you have a round trip to find your way back - my satnav nearly explodes from the strain!
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 13:37, closed)

Urgh...
Born in Crewe, raised in Winsford. Spent the first 18 years of my life there, and I have very few fond memories of the place itself.

I won't bore you with any of my own tales, all I will say is that there's something seriously wrong with a community when the majority of the townsfolk get behind a petition to save a fuck ugly, disused water tower from being demolished.
(Keiths Dad, Tue 3 Nov 2009, 0:32, closed)