As a cyclist, I am, technically speaking, above the law
So fuck you. All of you.
( A Vagabond lol commie povvo, Thu 24 Jun 2010, 12:54, 5 replies)

To QOTW man:
This question is shit.

Take that, man.

Sorry, but despite liking to think of myself as a rebel through and through, I can't think of any instances where I have made the man my bitch. Maybe I'll stop recycling or something equally wicked and dangerous.
(impossibly witty twat No, YOUR Mum etc etc, Thu 24 Jun 2010, 12:10, Reply)

Telecommunications victory!
Our Virgin Media bill (for TV, broadband and landline phone) was £50 this month. I'm about to go on maternity leave and can't afford to keep forking out that much when I'll need all my cash to buy wine baby stuff so we decided to get a cheapo freeview box, and go elsewhere for broadband and phone.

But where to go? I don't want BT to have my money as I think they're cunts (based entirely on past experience and their stupid fucking adverts). Still, if I'm not going with Virgin then I need to use a BT line instead. There's already one in my house - it just needs reactivating.

Next stop, Internet trawling to determine good deals. TalkTalk have good broadband with reasonable T&Cs plus there's £50 cashback through Quidco when you join, and they waive the £30 joining fee for web sign-ups, so that'd easily cover the price of the Freeview box. So far so good.

TalkTalk website redirects us to their customer services phone line. Apparently we have to pay a "reactivation charge" of £70 to get the BT landline sitched back on. Also, because we have to sign up over the phone there'll be a £30 service connection charge. They tell us that's much cheaper than what BT would charge. I weep gently at the thought of my diminishing cash and tell them no.

Now, I'm not the world's biggest fan of the Post Office but five minutes of googling shows that the Post Office reconnect BT lines for free, with no minimal line rental time period, with the line rental itself costing £12 a month - with inclusive calls. Happy days. One phone call and we are assured our BT line will be reactivated in a couple of weeks, at which point we can switch online to TalkTalk, get the cashback, have faster broadband, and no more Virgin-on-the-ridiculous bills.

My victory is hollow, however - Freeview doesn't have the Hallmark channel so no more nightly Law and Order: SVU for me. You win some, you lose some.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 24 Jun 2010, 10:27, 17 replies)

kill the process
I used to kill processes on the Sysadmin's computer remotely, whenever I was irked. He wasn't a good guy and thought downloading the latest anti-virus software was the only option to fight malware; never liked to do things the hard way - that was left to me - the assistant.

I decided to teach him a lesson and downloaded PsTools (used to be
M$ free then)... nothing good as seeing a 100mb plus download being cut off just when it reaches 99% on Internet Explorer 6.0

Sorry for lack of funnies.

Length? 10 months before management decided to downsize the IT department.
(Ymob is a kaburu, Thu 24 Jun 2010, 7:54, 11 replies)

How I stuck it to the Merkins!
So today England and USA were playing simultaneousley (for those who really don't know by now I'm a Brit in the US.

The bar I watched the game at only had 1 tv. I refused to put the USA game on. Ha! Take that, Merkins!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Thu 24 Jun 2010, 6:46, 13 replies)

Holy Shit!
I spend the morning doing the vacuuming and making a chocolate slice for my daughter's last day of term tomorrow, then I sat down at my poota for lunch and there's been a bloody coup!

Well a bloodless coup. Kevin Rudd, the (now Former Australian Prime Minister) has just been booted out of office after only 2 and a half years by his ambitious deputy. At least Gordon bided his time for a decade.

Even better, she's a ginger bolshie Welsh woman. Says it all really.

Fuck me. That really is sticking it to the Man.
(Que?, Thu 24 Jun 2010, 4:40, 1 reply)

Oi Teacher!
A friend of mine who is now a teacher (and therefore The Man) had it stuck to him by his pupils.

In a former life, he had worked for a think-tank, writing incredibly boring treatises on EU Law and the like. One of these was available on Amazon.

Now that his delightful little charges have found this out, there are a huge number of "must try harder" type reviews all over his one and only published volume. And some less printable reviews obviously, the little shits.
( MacCruiskeen, Thu 24 Jun 2010, 0:54, 4 replies)

Fighting Girls
I was at High School from the early to mid 80's and there were, of course, many fights (or 'bundles' as we used to call them) most of which were over when first blood was drawn, or when a teacher managed to get through the large crowd that had usually gathered, hauled them off and made them say 'sorry' to each other.
One particular day 2 girls had started a fight and were really going for it how girls do (pulling hair, scratching, vicious stuff)
People in the crowd were shouting and giving advice 'rip her fucking blouse off' and the like.
Someone at the back shouted 'kick her c*nt in' and immediately a lad (who had been observing the fight from a window of the woodwork room) shouted out 'yeah, kick it in here'
Everyone dissolved in laughter, fight over, girls friends once again. All before a teacher intervened.
Maybe teachers should crack jokes instead of wading in.
(Appleseed is seeding apples on, Thu 24 Jun 2010, 0:18, 7 replies)

have THAT, salesman...
I once told a double glazing cold caller that I would LOVE one of their conservatories and could they come round and do a survey etc...
They promised that as a previous customer they would surely be able to do me a 4x4m conservatory for £XXXXX and throw in free roof blinds.
The call went on for ages with the salesman getting more and more happy as I promised to sign up for everything they were selling...
and then I said
" I am really impressed you can do all this to a second-floor flat"

click-buzzzzzzz
( Sallyrsm, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 20:00, 4 replies)

Bumper sticker editing
I don't know about the UK, but in the US we have folks that will defile their cars with bumper stickers with all sorts of, ahem, witticisms, or proclamations of "self".

Well, my brother and I were working in a warehouse with lots of little white labels and a sharpie. A lady who worked there had a bumper sticker that said something like "I *heart* my Doberman Pinscher" (or something like that - it looked like this images2.cafepress.com/product/30800282v1_480x480_Front.jpg)

Anyhow, we took the sharpie (a black marker) and the white labels and proceeded to write words like "screw", "fellate", "suck off" "sodomize" "lick" "hump", etc. on the labels and then cover the heart on her bumper sticker. We did this to many and sundry, but I still smile when I think that this lady was proudly telling the world that she raped her doberman for over three months.

PS: when she found out we were both accused, but having grown up with him as a brother, I learned how to keep a straight face and injured reaction.
( BrokenCoccyx get your hands off macaque, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 17:46, 10 replies)