I begrudge paying for condoms
and am therefore relying on the highly effective* method of natural birth control.

(*"highly effective" = "I've not been knocked up so far")

Length Tight, etc.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 17:37, 36 replies)

contraceptive
I had the snip years ago and it was one of the best things I ever did.

It felt like I'd been kicked in the clems by a racehorse that day though...
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 17:45, closed)

.
You can't get them free?
(Not him., Mon 27 Oct 2008, 18:35, closed)

No. I'm a grown up and I'm straight.
It's only students, the under 18s and gay men who get free condoms as far as I know. And maybe poor people, though the evidence suggests that they definitely don't use them.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 18:46, closed)

pretend to be gay then?
Heaven knowns I've done worse things for money :-(
(DissolvedMynci, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 19:01, closed)

Doesn't apply to lesbians
for obvious reasons ;)
(Ovaltina, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 1:40, closed)

I used to get free ones all the time
even while over 18, straight, and working, from either the family planning clinic, the women's welfare centre, or a local AIDS charity.

Admittedly it was a bit get-what-you're-given (no super-thin tingly sensation options), and having to register and hang around a waiting room and so on requires a bit more time and confidence than running into Boots... but still, beats unwanted pregnancy.
( Batsgirl, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 19:04, closed)

I'm confident that I won't get pregnant
- not that I'd actually mind - and while I'm doing the whole monogamy thing it's rather nice to not do condoms, but I'll bear that in mind about free ones if ever my circumstances change.

I wouldn't really object to buying condoms but everyone knows if you buy more than a pack of three at any one time, you won't get laid. FACT!
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 19:17, closed)

i thought
contraceptive pill was free?!
apparently you can buy condoms for 10p at my su bar. i bet it'll be a bit of clingfilm and an elastic band though
(rosie-pie, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 19:19, closed)

The pill is free
I'm sure you can get them free from the family planning clinic.

I do worry that not shelling out for jonnys will prove to be a false economy if a baby is made.

My advice - get married, then you don't have any sex so it doesn't matter.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 27 Oct 2008, 19:22, closed)

The Pill is free.
But hormonal birth control doesn't agree with me.

Edit: I'm not that concerned about getting pregnant either. In fact, it'd be lovely. But it isn't going to happen.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 20:30, closed)

You get tons of them for free at your local family planning clinic.
It's a lot nicer than HIV or one of the myriad other STDs.

Pregnancy is the LEAST of your worries.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Mon 27 Oct 2008, 19:24, closed)

ah, but as I said above - monogamous
monogamous + check-up at the clinic = no STDs

The years when I wasn't monogamous, I spent plenty of money on condoms.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 20:31, closed)

"...the highly effective* method of natural birth control."
What, celibacy?
( flake has nothing against your right leg, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 20:13, closed)

Nope.
Fertility Awareness, a 1-3% failure rate.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 20:32, closed)

We tried it for a month or two
but I got pregnant so easily with my eldest child (planned) that I was permanently scared shitless. I went back on the pill so I could start enjoying sex again! After our second child we agreed that was enough and he went off for the snip. Best thing ever, but not for everyone.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 27 Oct 2008, 20:37, closed)

3%??!
Thats too high for my liking. I know condoms are only 1%, which is still to high in my liking. I'm sure I;ve done it way over 100 times (Not with 100 different people, duh) so 3% would mean 3 kids for me so far...
(engekomkommer, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 20:48, closed)

Condoms have a 'perfect' failure rate of 2%
and again, that's over one year of use, with perfect use. With less-than-perfect use condoms have a failure rate of about 10-18%, but despite being flippant in my original post, I do think condoms are well worth it for situations where you might catch something nasty. But I still begrudge paying for them.

Maybe condom users should get a tax break since they aren't adding to the population and they aren't contracting diseases?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 20:53, closed)

Over a year of use?
Doesn't he take it off?
( gareth_alien will be human again at, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:01, closed)

That's where they've been going wrong!
It does save money though.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 12:24, closed)

Mirena coil
free from NHS, more reliable than getting your tubes tied, only side effect is lighter or absent periods. You can get pregnant immediately after removal. I don't know why more women don't get this. I am in complete control of my fertility now.

My doc used to give me condoms for free. So did the Brooke clinic but they stop giving your stuff when you're over 25, the tight bastards.
(posthumous mince is tiptoeing through the tulips, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 12:59, closed)

Can you take it out yourself?
I don't want anything in me that I can't take out myself, so I'm guessing that's probably not going to be an option. Also, isn't it hormone-based? That's a big no-no for me.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:17, closed)

The amount of hormone in it is tiny
But if you want to be able to take it out yourself (ouch!) then it's not ideal.

I think it's fab though - no more periods but I can have it whipped out should I want to produce more Nuggets.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 17:11, closed)

Ahhh, the good old rhythm method
Not to scare you unduly, but I've a cautionary tale for you.

I was an accident. My parents, two reasonably intelligent people, tried scheduling their fucking according to the calendar. That didn't work for very long, as I miraculously appeared in my mummy's tummy. (My birthday is in mid-January, and I was born a couple of weeks late. I've done the maths and I'm convinced I was conceived as an April Fool's joke.) Parents, nil, cunning devious sperm, one.

Three years later they planned for my brother, not wanting an only child.

Three years after that, along came my sister, another calendar-driven miracle. I guess my reasonably intelligent parents weren't so bright after all. Either that, or my dad had super sperm, or something.
( flake has nothing against your right leg, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 21:34, closed)

Not quite. The rhythm method
is calendar-based and isn't the same as fertility awareness/NFP (which tracks ovulation). The rhythm method is less reliable, as you yourself prove... :)
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 21:38, closed)

Hmmm
That's what I used to GET pregnant.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 23:29, closed)

You're braver than I am, my dear.
Mr Maladicta and I are adamant we don't want miniature Maladictas running around (unless they have four legs, a tail and go woof woof or meow meow) so we use condoms and withdrawal for our ultimate safety. I still panic if I'm late though, so I admire your attitude to it :)
( Maladicta, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 21:09, closed)

ahh, but I'm old(ish).
Anyway, the nice thing about the method I do use is that you'll always know if you're likely to be late [insert detailed explanation of consistent luteal phase length here] - if your cycle length varies then it's due to factors occurring before ovulation, so if you're keeping track of ovulation, you'll know.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 21:17, closed)

@Maladicta
Blimey. You're trying for some weird kids...

_sorry...
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:15, closed)

A friend of mine goes the 'natural' route
She's had four unplanned pregnancies so far, so it's nice to hear the method works for someone. Me, I'll stick to my HBC pill; pricey though it may be, it fixes all the hormonal issues that would make all the 'natural' methods totally ineffective for me in the first place.
(louveciennes , Volvospotter, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 21:49, closed)

Try having a latex allergy
- Non-latex condoms cost over twice as much as normal ones.

- there's absolutely no variety. No different flavours, colours, etc. You get your standard shape and that's it!

- they're more likely to break than normal ones (allegedly).

And what's more, people find your allergy amusing. Bah.
(ninja chinchilla, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 1:24, closed)

I didn't find it amusing.
One ex of mine had a latex allergy. Bloody Durex Avanti was the only option I could find at the time, at a ridiculous price-per-shag. I didn't laugh at the allergy, I winced at the cost of pandering to it.

And what's the deal with flavoured condoms? I mean, really. If you're going to stick someone's tadger down your throat, what's the bleedin' point of wrapping it up? If it needs wrapping up in the first place, then it shouldn't be anywhere near one's tonsils.
( flake has nothing against your right leg, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 1:34, closed)

Sex in the bot bot
That was a solution for a "christian" girl I knew who didn't want to lose her virginity (or her boyfriend).
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:12, closed)

Don't know if you're in the UK...
but if you are, try poundland.

I've not looked lately but in the past I've bought 12 Mates condoms there, and 15 of some foreign make in a metal case which later doubled as somewhere to keep my glasses...

Yes, I have said elsewhere I've had the snip, but sometimes condoms can be fun....
(paof2 Nude might not be rude, but rude could be nude..., Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:14, closed)

Got it!
_{No, not teh AIDS}
If you could bind some sort of flourescent tracer to an otherwise harmless chemical that would be taken up by your ovaries anyway, you could just take a UV light into the toilet with you, and you'd know if you were ovulating because your wee would glow when you shone the light on it!
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:18, closed)

that would be ace, although
by the time you're ovulating it's pretty much too late to get pregnant that month given time needed for sperm to travel to meet egg, etc.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:33, closed)

Ah, that's a good point, actually.
What I really need is some way of making one's ovaries glow in the dark at the appropriate time. But then there's too much flesh in the way for any glowing to be visible.

This idea needs a lot of work...and possibly someone who can actually remember some biology.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:41, closed)