Jimmy
I know someone who is always called Jimmy, by everyone. It turns out quite a while later that he's really called Tom and no-one really knows why he's constantly known as Jimmy.
( Didyoumissme1, Fri 19 May 2006, 13:55, Reply)

My mum...
My mum's nickname is George, because her boyfriend had a dim moment, tried to spell 'Gorge', as in Gorgeous, and spelt George instead. Twunt
(The Who Bird is eating Jaffa Cakes on, Fri 19 May 2006, 13:48, Reply)

Sarah
There's always a big lad in the year above, the one you just don't mess with, especially not if you're a group of wussy girls. Me and my friends for reasons now forgotten dubbed ours 'Sarah'.

Much fun was to be had hiding in the cloakrooms when he walked past intoning 'Sarah....Saaaaaaaraaaaaaaah!' and watching him freak out but then stomp off in frustration as he couldn't hit skinny little girls :-)
(Samara Morgan is a small blue thing, like a marble or an eye, Fri 19 May 2006, 13:46, Reply)

Thrush
Thankfully not mine- yeay- but a friend of mine plays on a hockey team. One of their players has been nicknamed 'Thrush' because 'he is an irritating cunt'
(Keyser Soze, Fri 19 May 2006, 13:42, Reply)

Fivesome
I was stupid enough in Fresher's Week at University, to mention that recently at a party recently I'd had to crash & share a single bed with 4 other people.

I was known as Fivesome for the rest of my time at Uni, until I left in the second year, this despite my protestations that strictly speaking, a fivesome would have to have involved sexual activity which was definately _not_ the case.
(Ariaxen, Fri 19 May 2006, 13:42, Reply)

Buttered Bun
One of the wifes friends...

Student party, lots of alcohol, smoking and loud music, where was she ? In the kitchen making sandwiches for everyone...
(Yellow Car is now red, Fri 19 May 2006, 13:42, Reply)

From the height of Pils to the depths of Chubbs
My younger brother always has to have strange and obscure nicknames for people, I think he struggles with remembering their actual names. For example, he refers to a friend of ours as "Picnic". His name is Ted. Teddy Bear's Picnic. Hence, "Picnic".

He's been calling me Chubbs for the last year or so. I'm not particularly chubby, so I'm at a bit of a loss as to why. Prior to that, he referred to me as Pilsbury Doughboy (often shortened to "Pils", which was actually pretty cool, and arguably a bit "street"). Sadly I'm now Chubbs. He calls me this in public.

We're in our mid/late twenties, and I wish he would stop it.
(Vernie, Fri 19 May 2006, 13:41, Reply)

Nicknames
I play rugby and have copped some specials in my time.

As I was one of the first to get hair on my chest I was labelled "Beast".

Later on in life I was playing inside centre in a team where the whole back line was over 6 foot. Me being 5" 7' the term "Potato Gem" was coined.

But I have got my own back.

Once called a bloke "Showbag" as he was full of shit. (for those that dont know a showbag is something you get at a fair, that contains toys and sweets).

His brother came to play for the club and was nicknamed "Handbag".

A winger who didnt like to tackle was called "Shitscared".

A squat ugly prop forward had the infamous name of "Womble".

And a man from New Zealand heralded as "Fugs" - F*cking Ugly.
(Slatts If you cant remember it didnt happen, Fri 19 May 2006, 13:33, Reply)

Grr
My friend Nik calls me Jim-Jam. She's the only person that does as I don't hit girls and I don't rise to it as she'll just bait me more.

Plus she's got some proper dirt on me....
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Fri 19 May 2006, 13:32, Reply)

Buh
I'm a little shy in general, so have a tendency to mumble my words. This is less pronounced now, but combine it with being a greasy insecure teenager and you wouldn't be able to understand what I said at times.

Anyway, at about the time of the fast show, someone took the mickey:

brerefhjghgfrefd...f.er...f I was ..very very drunk, etc.

This eventually evolved (my first name is Paul):

Paul bleurehrerrerere
Paul bleurg
Paul bur
Paul buh
and finally
Buh.

An odd one to say the least.

The icing on the cake though was, when sitting at a family dinner, I noticed a wine bottle on a shelf behind my dad with the name "Paul Bur". Yep there is a champagne called "Paul Bur". I had to try very hard not to choke.

length etc.
(stubbledchin, Fri 19 May 2006, 13:29, Reply)

A girl I went to school with...
She had a bit of a reputation for being easy.

Her name was X McCraken.

We called her Phil.

She never did figure it out.

Insert phallic dimension related joke here.
(Dr_Faustus filius of a femina canis, Fri 19 May 2006, 13:28, Reply)

More of a slogan, really
I couldn't have written this better - second week of primary school a new girl joins our class, she is blonde and has that very fine almost thin-on-top type hair. 'This is Rachel Newbould,' says the teacher. A-ha, thinks five-year-old me.

'She's new, and she's bald!' I announce to the class.

New girl bursts into tears.

I get to stand in the corner and think about what I've done.

Unfortunately for her, she was greeted with that same cry for about a year after that. I however was hailed as a 5-year-old comedy genius. Been downhill ever since.
(Samara Morgan is a small blue thing, like a marble or an eye, Fri 19 May 2006, 13:27, Reply)

Peter Sutcliffe's right bollock...
I'm a Briggs too. I only ever met one other Briggs who wasn't related to me - that was Sara Briggs who went to my school.

Unlike you and I, she was a triple hard bastard. And it's thanks to her that I spent much of senior school being called "Ginger minge".

Although the monicker may have been factually accurate after the age of 11, it soon wore thin.

The joke, that is.
( weebear1974 discovering the joy of cat rape since, Fri 19 May 2006, 13:26, Reply)

How very PC
I feel bad about this now...

A pakistani guy (Ameet) in my class got nicknamed Teabag.

He was safe as houses and didn't give a shit.

A teacher tried to tell us off for calling him Teabag. Ameet calmly said something along the lines of: It's just a nickname miss, I don't really mind, my skin is kind of brown... and it's beeter than being called "Shit your pants" like Peter.

Not bad for a 7 year old, I still smile when I think about the look on said teachers face.

Ameet, I take my hat of to you sir.
(ralphseviltwin, Fri 19 May 2006, 13:20, Reply)

poor little black girl
Also at school we had a kid in our class who had afro puffs and shat herself. She became kakapickibeanhead afropuff
(drshipman iz in yr shower killing yr nan, Fri 19 May 2006, 13:19, Reply)

dj names
My DJ stagenames are my nicknames. They have been

Sergeant Sound

DJ Afterbirth

Community Pigeon

Christina Angryhaircut

Steve Shit
(drshipman iz in yr shower killing yr nan, Fri 19 May 2006, 13:16, Reply)

Baa
When I was about 15 there was a nice girl in my art class called Jane. It was around the time of the whole BSE/scrapie hoopla and I imaginatively called her 'Scrapie Jane' because she...um...lived on a farm. (smooth). It stuck. There was even a song. Relatively mild in itself but it mustn't have been nice for her when on boarding the coach for a school trip, fifty kids burst into a rousing chorus of 'Jane, Jane, Jane, Scrapie Jane, Scrapie Jane' to the tune of the Star Wars theme.*

Sorry Jane.

* Edit - or rather, the Imperial March. C'mon it's Friday...
(Samara Morgan is a small blue thing, like a marble or an eye, Fri 19 May 2006, 13:16, Reply)

Middle name
Someone in our schools middle name was 'Steele'. Shame he was a bit of a twat otherwise he would've been considered cool.
(Peter Sutcliffe's Right Bollock, Fri 19 May 2006, 13:14, Reply)

Around my way...
...there is a complete psychopath called Branaboo. When I say psychopath I am in no way exagerrating, he's a nutter. He's got god knows how many ASBOs and has a penchant for slashing passers by with a machete. Anyway, he became a bit of a legend around our way due to his various violent acts against the general public and it wasn't too long into someone worked out that it would be ironic to start calling me Briggaboo (My last name is Briggs) as i'm soft as shite, wouldn't/couldn't hurt a fly etc. I'm totally fucked if Branaboo finds out though, he doesn't take to kindly to copyright infringment.
(Peter Sutcliffe's Right Bollock, Fri 19 May 2006, 13:14, Reply)

Iceman
Iceman was my nickname at Uni for a while.

Cool? No. It was short for "Labatts Iceman" due to me drinking 4 or 5 bottles of the stuf and being very, very ill.

Anywhoo - It doesn't matter whether it 4 or 5 as it's still shocking.

Nowadays, I'll have a bottle of Vodka before I go out.... AA anyone?
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Fri 19 May 2006, 13:10, Reply)

Oooh, just thought of another one
Hideously dressed, bad breathed, overly skinny, swamp donkey of an english teacher with the personality of Mary Whitehouse and John Major rolled into one.

She got nicknamed The Eternal Virgin.

She cried when she found out.

I really am going now.
(ralphseviltwin, Fri 19 May 2006, 13:09, Reply)

is it just me?
my surname is guy, and every year I would get cracks about going on the bonfire as November 5th approached. Cue a lesson, aged 8, on the real guy fawkes, when we were given the nugget of information that, being Italian, he was really called Guido. That was it - I had to wait 19 years and move 250 miles before I finally shook it. Friends, friends parents, teachers, lecturers and employers have all confessed at one time or another that they assumed it was my real name. Ah well - hello everyone who knows who I am now.
also knocked around for yaers with Dennis - real name John, apparently named after the fire engine , Motz - pronounced Moz, real name Stephen, no idea of provenance, Hovel - real name John
now ride motorbikes with a girl called Dave (says claire on her driving licence) and a bloke called lidl (he worked there once, also known as Dave)
working the gate at a rally couple of years ago, I was lumbered with a guy called wires or something obscure like that. never did work it out, but he had the worst paintjob on his bike - the cover for its a kind of magic. actually, he was ok, and took it pretty well when I laughingly asked if he drank out of a tankard. He did (clone)!
as retaliation, i got called Pixie, and now cant shift it. Nor can I shift Lucky - im not

Its Friday, can I go home and drink my own bodyweight in beer yet please?
(kaptinkurtz, Fri 19 May 2006, 13:08, Reply)

I got called Rupert
I still don't know why, it only stuck for a term. Thank god.

From Uni:
Make up boy - flushed tint to the cheeks, looked like he always wore mascara.

Evil Dave - Big booming mwahahahaha! voice, had to change it coz he was a sensitive flower and got all upset

The gimp - He sat in the corner and said nothing

Bendy Rob - Master of excellent dancelfoor shapes (think Emo Phillips/Ian Curtis) had multicoloured hair where mr men lived (?)

My sister was a fat kid, so we called her fatneck, she's grown into a willowy young women and needs bringing down a peg or two.

My Neice gets called the disk. When she was learning to read she pointed to a drain and said "Look mum, K for Esme!", so she became K-for, then kiffle, then kiffle disk (like the sweets), then Just "The Disk". Dunno if "The Disk" has started school yet.

My Dad is known as The Parish Bastard for his indignant rantings and extreme put downs at parish council meetings.

Can I go now?
(ralphseviltwin, Fri 19 May 2006, 13:05, Reply)

my nickname...
was particularly cruel - apparently Seb, as well as being short for Sebastian is also an acronym for 'Sophie Ellis Bexter', which replaced my previous nickname of 'Fallguy'.

could have been worse
( WormuIus, Fri 19 May 2006, 13:02, Reply)

Not forgetting
Our RS Teacher, known as 'Harold the Bald Eagle'

or the captain of our cricket team, whose nickname was Biscuit because he was going out with a girl whose last name was McVitie.

The best one was a horse-faced candidate for college president at uni, who had a face like a Fish and went to Westminster School.

Naturally, she was known as Westminster Fish.
(sjflangehound, Fri 19 May 2006, 12:56, Reply)

Lots
My last name is Spooner.

At first they called me Mr Spoon.
Then they called me Spoons
Then they called me Spoonster.
Then they called me Noops.
Then they called me Sponner.
Then they called me Spon.

I once overheard a bunch of boys I taught saying 'HMMM. I WONDER WHAT KIND OF CUTLERY YOU USE TO EAT YOUR ICE-CREAM. HMMM. I ENJOY CUTLERY'.

I quite liked Spon.

And then, at uni, I was:

SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONGUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRDDDDDDDDD!

But I would have preferred to have been called 'The Master Cutler'.

Also: Roland, Ratters and Ratty (because of laugh like Roland Rat)

Penfold (because of mole-like features, coined by idiotic CCF guy we knew as Sgt Bellend)

Cedric (thankyou, o itinerant cricket team of William Hulme's Grammar School, Moss Side, Manchester, for this one)

Isaac (because my Dad almost sacrificed me to a jealous god).
(sjflangehound, Fri 19 May 2006, 12:54, Reply)

Not funny...
One kid at school was occasionally known as "Crap In A Bag" when you wanted to upset him (hey, it was a boarding school, and you do dumb things sometimes, it shouldn't be held against him...).

Another was "Cocknose" - he had a nose that was marginally longer than anyone else's.

There was "Leech", because he was a bit of a hanger-on.

"Zombie" was white - I don't mean Caucasian, I mean white like a blank PC screen - and, obviously, all zombies are white. Aren't they?

And a big shout out to Moo-Man, Gooey, Dippy, Titch, Snakey, Ollie Deacon, and Goofy, and our teachers Bengo, Doc, Beaky, Flash, and Blaster Bates.
(Steve The Monkey, Fri 19 May 2006, 12:54, Reply)

I never really...
...had a proper nickname in school. But outside my personal social circle, I appear to be known as 'Coffee Dave' - after my penchant for Starbucks (and them knowing far too many other 'Daves' I suppose).

My friends, affectionately, call me 'cunt'.
(onedotzero, Fri 19 May 2006, 12:54, Reply)

CF
Apparently because I fuck chinchillas, which I can assure, I don't but shit sticks…..
only to their fur of course
(heimihenderson2005, Fri 19 May 2006, 12:52, Reply)

Tenuous
A lad I used to go to college with had the nick name of Cocker. One day I asked him why he was called Cocker, asking if he was a big Pulp fan, whether there was some strange sex story or something like that.

But no, apparently when he was a secondary school someone decided he should have a nick name. His actual name was Daniel, which rhymes with spaniel.
(Mintman, Fri 19 May 2006, 12:51, Reply)